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Ex getting married-how did you feel?

31 replies

noche · 06/04/2008 17:06

My DD annonced today that she is going to be a bridesmaid at ex's wedding in the autumn. He was there and looked very uncomfrtable but said yes they were getting married (he and GF he had affair with while married to me)Later sent me a text saying he had meant to tell me first but hadn't got round to it and he was sorry i found out the way I did. All fine. I was just SO not prepared for the way I am feeling. It was like I had been punched in the stomache and I am like a bear with a sore head now. I divorced him, I do not in the slightest regret my decision and I am sure I do not love him so why am I feeling so crap, devastated in fact??? I/m so mad because i have recently been feeling that I am at last getting over the whole sorry saga of his infidelity, bullying, general horribleness, the divorce and then this news is like another obstacle to overcome. It has knoced me for 6 and I just feel like I will never be the stable normal person I used to be. I so long to have nothing to do with him and not to keep having to pick myself up and look strong for Dds sake.
How did you feel when it happened to you? How do I put it behind me? Why am I so gutted?? PLease help!

OP posts:
Janos · 08/04/2008 10:18

Sorry, I;ve just read that back. He did put me down a lot..so much so I needed to say it twice !

Anyhoo, he was (and still is) a GIT.

flight · 08/04/2008 10:55

Piratecat that's pretty shocking about the holiday.
I wonder if our ex's will leave their new relationships, but actually I think it is less likely purely because the children are not theirs.
It's like when you know you could go at any time, without he same backlash as you get leaving your own children, you stay because the door is always open, the exit is always there so you can relax - therefore the relationship stands a better chance of working
Not fair is it?

colacubes · 08/04/2008 13:33

Nothing surprises me when it comes to men walking out on their families, I was the child of such a pig, and I can honestly say, although hurtful and agony at the time, leaving my mum was the best thing he could have done for her.

He was a man with 2 faces, still is now at 58, never had a life any of us would want, he has money and nice things, travels, but I see him once a year, same for all my brothers and sisters, we are many and varied throughout the town!!Not one of us really gives a flying wotsit for him, other than, he's my dad, and I was a daddy's girl until I was about 8, he left when i was 2,kids aren't daft, just more forgiving.

But the real stuff, love affection, thanks for being the best dad a girl could ask for, well not a hope.

You are the parent that didn't leave, may seem boring now, you may be skint and unhappy, but it will be you who has the relationship he doesnt even know he's missing, and one day, another man will be bringing up his children, and then the shoe will most definitely be on the other foot, and I hope it cripples the hell out of them.

random · 08/04/2008 16:04

'You are the parent that didn't leave, may seem boring now, you may be skint and unhappy, but it will be you who has the relationship he doesnt even know he's missing, and one day, another man will be bringing up his children, and then the shoe will most definitely be on the other foot, and I hope it cripples the hell out of them'

Cola cubes you are absolutely right great post

Bridie3 · 08/04/2008 16:54

Yup. You'll be the one whom the children will want to come and visit when they're grown up. Not him.

noche · 08/04/2008 18:53

This is all making so much sense-thanks everyone, I do feel a lot better just to have heard all your views and also I suppose as the shock has worn off.
Someone at work said to me today "it's normal for it to knock you for six but you will bounce back quickly because you ARE over him and this is just shock-all the progress you have made is not undone just because he is getting married again-you of all people know how lightly he entered into that commitment the first time round"
There are some wise people around-including on here!!

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