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Original poster

Feeling ashamed I have to use a food bank …

32 replies

Bambamxx · 28/04/2024 18:51

Hi all ,

I really hope there is no judgment on my post, but I guess I should expect some as this is the internet after all…

im a single mum to 2 (5 and 7) after my relationship breakdown with their dad just before Christmas. Since then I have lost my job due to MH and now relying solely on benefits.
we have a great family support worker who gave me a food bank voucher this week to be used tomorrow once they’re open (Monday).

money is so incredibly tight for me and the children and I’m struggling to make ends meet with debts, bills and the small amount of child maintenance I receive from their dad.
im so so nervous about going to the food bank tomorrow, I feel so ashamed that my children cannot rely on me. I genuinely feel worthless. Has anyone ever used a food bank that could maybe put my mind at ease?

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 28/04/2024 18:59

Your children can rely on you. You were unable to feed them so you made alternative arrangements that meant you could. If you hid your difficulties and your children didn't eat that would be them not able to rely on you.

Antihistamine62 · 28/04/2024 19:01

Absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You’re putting your kids first by admitting you need help. I hope things get better for you. You sound like a great mum x

theduchessofspork · 28/04/2024 19:04

I haven’t, but I can tell you that loads of people have to use them at the moment, so you aren’t alone and no one will judge you.

The people I know who do say the people who work in them have always been incredibly nice, so I’m sure you’ll get a nice welcome tomorrow.

You aren’t failing your kids, you are feeding them in the best way you can, right now. That’s what any good parent would do.

I’m glad you have a good support worker, and hope you get back to work when you are able. You might also find the Olio and Too Good to Go apps useful. You could also see if there’s a community larder near you.

Lovinglife57 · 28/04/2024 19:08

first of all don’t feel ashamed …get some help with your MH and stop being so hard on yourself take all the help you can get nobody else matters apart from your nearest and dearest …this won’t be forever you are dealing with so much right now …once you are back to work …and give yourself time things will get better sending you a hug x

Cerialkiller · 28/04/2024 19:12

My mum works for a food banks and she was always surprised by the number of people who were there because of a single incident that turned circumstances from 'just about managing' to 'and then everything fell apart' one boiler breaking down, one death in the family, one week off work for sickness.

Don't be ashamed. We are all closer then we think to this situation however much we would like to believe otherwise.

You are the one who stepped up, you are amazing. Think about how your children will respect how you acted in this time.

I'm sure you are aware already but please make sure you are getting all the support you can. Tax free childcare, free hours, benefits, ensure your ex is paying what he should and on time! Ask for help from wider family of you can. I hope this is a temporary situation for you and that you will feel better for yourself. You've done the right thing.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/04/2024 19:14

I don't use them but I do give to them, and very very happily so. For people like you. You are doing awesome Flowers

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 28/04/2024 19:16

Don’t be ashamed, so many people are using them right now. You are feeding your children, that’s what matters.

Have you looked at the too good to go app? (work colleague used it, not really sure what it involves /how much it is but might be worth a look.

Ponderingwindow · 28/04/2024 19:24

Your children can rely on you. When you realized that you needed help, you sought it out. Despite the fact that you are scared and embarrassed, you are going to go to the food bank and get your family food.

what is wrong is that the world allows your ex to pay such a small amount of child maintenance that you are in this position in the first place. You haven’t failed. The system has failed you.

with time you will find ways to earn more money. Until then, use the resources that are available.

justthecat · 28/04/2024 19:44

No judgement whatsoever one week you could be donating the next couple of months need that support

Bournetilly · 28/04/2024 19:47

Your children can rely on you, you are doing what you need to do to feed them. Don't be ashamed, there are many people in the same situation.

Muddlethroughmam · 28/04/2024 19:53

Please do not feel ashamed.
Good mums make sure their children are fed, This is what you are doing. The world is a very challenging place just now. Please don't be hard on yourself, You and your children will go to bed with full tummies and that's all that matters.
I was in your exact position 2 years ago, Things do get better, sending you love.

countvoncount · 28/04/2024 19:54

Please don't feel ashamed, you are providing for your children, and sound incredibly strong.
No judgement here, at all

WGACA · 28/04/2024 19:57

Please don’t feel ashamed. You and your children need food and foodbanks exist to help people exactly like you. Life is tough enough; take all of the help that’s available and be kind to yourself.

whiteorchids44 · 28/04/2024 19:59

You are going through a very tough time. Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. They say that it takes a village to raise kids. Let your village help you when you need it. Good luck with everything. x

harridan50 · 28/04/2024 19:59

Honestly I help at one, no-one judges anyone. Anyone could be in need of help you would be suprised, Please just come along and let people help you now

Elephantswillnever · 28/04/2024 20:01

If there’s anyone who should feel ashamed it is your ex. If he was stepping up and paying decent maintenance/ having regilar contact time enabling you to improve your income then you may well have been doing ok. You are providing for your kids which is the most important thing.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 28/04/2024 20:02

Hi @Bambamxx

I work for a charity and part of our building is a food bank type operation. Our main goal is not to actually issue people with food, but to welcome them in and ensure they feel they there is no stigma or embarrassment with taking a helping hand when you need it. It just so happens that the thing we are helping with is food.

This year has been crazy so far, we've seen 200% increase in our services. Through our doors and needing food support last week, were a nurse, a paramedic, a teacher, a landscaper as well as circa 40 other people. COL has hit everyone.

I would have been too embarrassed to take help before I started working here, because of my misconceptions about food banks and my ridiculous judgemental views of the people who must be in them. I now know it's the first place I'll go if I ever need too. With zero worry. You'll possibly make some new friends, I know I have.

Ps if you are anywhere around Norfolk, please pm me as there are many places I can point you too x

Dacadactyl · 28/04/2024 20:02

I have been to them previously as part of my role at work.

The people who work there are very nice and welcoming. You can ask about local services and they will be able to signpost you.

With regard to debt, look at speaking with StepChange or Christians Against Poverty to get support.

Don't be ashamed about going, you're just having a hard time at the minute and you will get through it.

tribpot · 28/04/2024 20:03

helpfulperson · 28/04/2024 18:59

Your children can rely on you. You were unable to feed them so you made alternative arrangements that meant you could. If you hid your difficulties and your children didn't eat that would be them not able to rely on you.

Quite right. Thank you for making sure your children aren't hungry @Bambamxx .

BrownSauceOnBeans · 28/04/2024 20:06

People who should be ashamed about you using a food bank to feed your children:

Their father
The government
Anyone who voted for the despicable government

People who should not be ashamed:

You

Do what you have to. You are a great Mum; they will understand this when they are adults if they don’t already.

Original poster
Bambamxx · 29/04/2024 18:19

Hi everyone

I just want to say thank you so much for all your replies and kind words. I went to the food bank today and they were all so wonderfully kind and generous. I explained my situation and one of the workers there said she’s more than happy to help me in regards to cutting down on some bills.
I felt no judgment and they even gave me a small chocolate bar each for the children to enjoy on the way home. I feel a lot more at ease now. And to the ones who said they donate to food banks while at the supermarket - thank you. I too have done that in the past and can see what such a positive impact it has on families.

OP posts:
WGACA · 29/04/2024 18:41

That’s a wonderful update! I was hoping they’d give you a treat for your kids too.

ceecee32 · 29/04/2024 18:44

Have a look to see if there is a 'The bread and butter thing' near you.
You pay £8.50 for 3 bags of food. I haven't used them but know someone who has and said its a godsend.

tribpot · 29/04/2024 18:45

Fantastic update @Bambamxx I'm so pleased.

countvoncount · 29/04/2024 18:49

Glad you're feeling better @Bambamxx
And glad it went well, hope you've enjoyed a nice dinner with your children this evening xx