10 years of terrible bedtimes I am broken

[shakeitoffshakeacocktail]

I cannot cope anymore
In 6 hours my alarm is going to go off and I am going to spray her with cold water to wake her up, take her to breakfast club and tell her teacher I am at breaking point

She can go and live with her dad for a while I am one person who has been mentally tortured from trying to help this child sleep for 10 years

She was exhausted today, she told me all evening she was tired, we did all the evening routine and she would not fall asleep. Usually I would sit next to her on the floor and tickle her back but I am recovering from a leg operation.

I fell asleep before her in my room, she had her tv on a sleep timer to go off at 11pm

At 12.15 she woke me up to tell me she couldn't sleep. She hasn't been trying to, even though she was exhausted

My Dd was a bit like this. Shes 17 now and cannot fall asleep before about 2.00 am.

She was diagnosed ASd and ADHD. Your Dd sounds demand avoidant and ND. It’s normal for ADHD to fall asleep late. They can’t switch their brains off. But resisting sleep sounds like PDA.

There will be those who start squealing about ‘everyone is ND’ these days. But she sounds so like my dd at that age. She slept in the same room as us until she was 13.

She uses her tv to fall asleep.

l would maybe try offering her options of what she wants to do. This hands control back to her. It’s all severe anxiety driving it. Even the threats of violence.

She needs physical exercise and fresh air before going to bed. Probably emotionally and mentally overactive child - try to see what is in her mind at bed time and try be a help to her

Lavender diffusers are helpful. But l think this is ND.

Could there be anything else that is stopping her sleeping that might be worth checking? e.g a bright street light outside the window, cold feet, some kind of noise that wakes her?

Gp’s aren’t allowed to prescribe melatonin it has to come from a specialist.

She might just be a night owl. You can’t force her to go against her natural sleep patterns.

Medicine is not the enemy! Goodness, all this suffering when there might be a simple solution.

Its really painful to watch people, and I have, wreck their lives because they won't take medicine. When they finally crack and take it, their lives are transformed but often after decades of suffering.

This.

My chronically sleep deprived dd slept better on adhd medication.

11pm for a 10 year old then you expect her to go straight to sleep? My daughters 9. Everything goes off at 8pm

How is she in other situations?

Enroll her in activities after school. Swimming, dancing etc it will help her sleep

This

What is she worrying about?

I don’t see why she wakes you. How does that help her. Can’t she watch tv/listen to audio book etc on her own?

You have my total sympathy.
Please see your GP for melatonin. It was a total game changer for my son. I spent years trying to get him to sleep and this was the only thing that helped.

Melatonin wasn’t a game changer for my child. She went to sleep earlier, but woke at 4 and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Can she stay with her dad for a week or two just to give you both a break and let you get some sleep OP? Then when she's home, I would start a new routine, sleepy lavender bath, calm app sleep stories and then quiet reading in her own room without your intervention. Make it clear she needs to stay in her room and don't try and force her to sleep. Keep to a strict routine of waking at the same time every day. Good luck OP

Melatonin is a Godsend. Give it a try.

💯

Definitely

I agree that you stop trying to force her to sleep, but you rigorously enforce staying in her room and quiet and not waking you up. Plus non negotiable getting up for school.

My DS was a little bit like this but he found out the hard way that staying up until 2am and then going to school was pretty awful.

I'd take the TV away and consequences for waking you up with a non emergency after her bedtime.

This.
Why on earth are you ticking her back?
Take the TV away too.

"""I believe some of that was from fear of smacking which I stopped doing as it wasn't working for us at all"""

Doesnt want to try melatonin but will happily smack her. Good Lord

This sounds the most like her.
Any attempt from me to get a good bedtime is met with hostility and she will actively be disruptive and argumentative to avoid lying down quietly

She does not need melatonin. She needs the pressure taken off to sleep.

GP/ pediatrics.. melatonin???
My nine year old Grandson ( ASD) was the same until last year until melatonin was prescribed.