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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Tell me being a single parent comes as second nature ater a while...please.

32 replies

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 19:57

How do you cope with doing all the cleaning, cooking, gardening, decorating and never getting a lie in?

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Original poster

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 19:57

and of course all the parenting.

OP posts:

Hassled · 18/03/2008 20:01

I'm not a single parent anymore, but was for a couple of years with oldest DCs.

Yes, it's relentless and exhausting but it does just become "normal" quite quickly. I actually loved the independence and the fact I made the decisions, and the realisation that yes, I could cope. In fairness I wiped gardening and cleaning off your list .

It is bloody hard work and I don't think I could do it again - I'm full of admiration for the people who do.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/03/2008 20:01

it does, (althou I only have one child) but you jsut get on with things, get yourself into your own routine and away you go. I miss the company of a night and sometimes having someone there but you do just get on with things, also if you don't feel like doing something you don't have to do it.

the key thou is routine, and carrying on as best you can as normal.

the parenting side - ah who knows? it's hard being both parents but hoping that we're muddaling thru it all ok. hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along on that bit in a mo.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/03/2008 20:03

yes deffo - in fact i'd go so far as to say surface clean daily and 'proper clean' ooh monthly? lol. fortnightly if you can (god that makes me sound bad!) cooking - do it weekly and freeze stuff. & get the kids to help if they can.

gardening & decorating - they'd be the ones off my list!

TheTortoiseandtheEasterbunny · 18/03/2008 20:06

How do i cope? I don't know! I just do. have no choice but to cope. My hair dresser asked me the same today and said she wouldn't be able to do it. But if it came to it i am sure she would.

Yes it is hard work, (i have 4 plus a dog!).
Evenings are hard sometimes without company and i do find it hard that i can't do things others can do who have a DP to have the kids for half hour.

I am crap at gardening though! lol!

Original poster

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 20:09

Thanks, will no doubt find a way to cope.

OP posts:

davidtennantsmistress · 18/03/2008 20:11

remember this phrase and say it often - it's the only thing that keeps me going some days when i'm feeling down & like I can't carry on.

(from the girls on the fab & glam thread)

"a woman is like a t bag................ you never know how strong she is till you find her in hot water........"

Original poster

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 20:11

love it

OP posts:

Original poster

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 20:15

Mind you, DT1 (4) cheered me up a bit today, I was having a down moment, tried my hardest not to cry but could'nt help it (something H has done) she saw me and this was the conversation...........

dt1 - aww mummy are you cross?
me - No sweetheart, I am just a little bit sad.
dt1 - Oh, because you've got a sore bum?

OP posts:

davidtennantsmistress · 18/03/2008 20:20

lol. the things they say.

another good thing to remember when you're feeling a little sad and low - is to look at the children and think to yourself, i've done this - it's been hard but it's all my hard work. (had one of those moments yesterday at bed time).

also no matter what happens we're the lucky ones - we have our precious children they - well most of them don't have the brains they're born with never mind anything else!

TheTortoiseandtheEasterbunny · 18/03/2008 20:27

lol that is really sweet.

angiebaby78 · 18/03/2008 20:42

Hiya to all the single mums, just becoming one again yipeee?? Do get a little worried as now 3 dcs try to imagine how i would carry them if there was a fire !. Its all down to routine cause if you know what you are doing then you have something to stick to. Its nice being able to stay in pjs all day and not shave my legs (hairy emoticon!) And like david tennants missus says the children will be a credit to us cause they will ( hopefully) know just how hard we work .My ds and dd1 love to iron !! So i give them piles of their own to do . Ive just had wicked reports from their teacher and am actually feeling pretty smug with myself as soon to be ex dh hasnt lifted a finger !!! All my own work. LOL XXX

Remotew · 18/03/2008 20:47

Forget the garden, I have. PIN when it comes to the minor DIY. I just let it all pile up until I carnt stand the state of the house and find some money to pay a man to do it. Apart from that I think its easier than being in a relationship.

looneymum · 18/03/2008 20:53

I too am a new single parent (2 DDs). My DD1 said the other day,

"mummy please don't get a handsome prince"

I said "why - don't you want mummy to be happy?"

she said "no - he will make us watch football!"

That really made me laugh! I managed not to say to her that daddy had already found her a wicked stepmother! xx

runkid · 18/03/2008 20:55

Being a single parent well its hard work but so can being in a relationship. Just try not to bother about things you dont get done you dont have to be a super hero lol

Kewcumber · 18/03/2008 21:02

well I've never been a double parent so I think my perspective is differnt. Never getting a ;ie in is shit (hurah for the occaional overnighter at nanny's ) butthey aren't little forever so you can have all teh lie in's you like when they're teenagers.

Sme things are easier some harder.

Fewer emotions - your mood isn't dependeant on how your DH is feeling/acting, you get the be the most important thing in your kids lives, you don;t have to share the remote control, or buy food you don;t want to, you can stay in your PJ's as long as you like and not bother with the housework if something more interesting comes up. You don;t haev to watch football on and can play ABBA really loud It's not all bad.

List the things you don;t like about living with your DH and you'll have your list of pro's aready. The cons are run of the mill and not the end of the world.

Kewcumber · 18/03/2008 21:04

someone asked me once - how do you cope as a single working mother? I said - I lower my standards. They thought I was joking!!!

Original poster

totaleclipse · 18/03/2008 21:07

lol, very good.

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allgonebellyup · 18/03/2008 21:08

i honestly dont find it too much hard work - i am a control freak anyway (probably why we split up!)and i like everything to be my way, from how the garden looks, to what time the kids go to bed, to what position the furniture must be in the house!

At weekends i get time off from the monotony of it all when the dc goes to their dads and i get to go out and let my hair down.
i admire single parents who dont get weekends to themselves,ever, as it is when i get my rest!!!

i honestly get more pride in doing it all myself and going to work and studying for my degree.

davidtennantsmistress · 18/03/2008 21:14

kew! honestly! lol.

don't know about the rest of you by my standards are loads higher now (not for the state of my house thou as that I don't care about) but DS's behaviour out & about etc and his levels/ targets and that carry on (honestly i'm not a pushy mother) I do have higher standards on as I don't want people to look at him and think 'it's cos his mums a single mum' etc etc... or 'he's like that cos he hasn't got a father figure'

AMAZINWOMAN · 18/03/2008 21:18

I never, ever get a break so am with dc all the time. But the love you get from the dcs really,, really keep you going.

Last night I had a tummy upset-and my ds made me a hot water bottle in his favourite water bottle. Not many men would do that!

My eldest is always telling me that he loves me too.

PurpleOne · 18/03/2008 22:10

I agree 100% with the routine thing. Have been a single mum for 6 years now. The first few months were hell TBH...but after creating a budget for the bills, cooking double and freezing half every time I cooked something.
One thing that really worked for me when the DD's were little (5 and 3) was to get them to help sort the washing piles (lights and darks etc). Let them loose with a little polish on a duster...or they could help you make the beds even.

6 years later, my 10 yr old dd2 knows how to use a washing machine and a dishwasher.
I never get a break either, all bar school time and 2 hrs at Guides on a Weds, and 3 hrs with EXH on a Friday. Tell you the truth, it'd drive me totally bonkers with a man in here again, upsetting my routine and more mess to clean up.

You'll be fine totaleclipse, once you get the routine going. Honest.

Scramble · 18/03/2008 23:17

I did all of that anyway, life isn't all that different really for me.

LittleWonder · 18/03/2008 23:28

Yes it does become second nature. Gardener comes to mow when necessary - rest is looking very au naturel - not important to worry about - neighbour lent fab electric saw thing that is good stress reliever if I am in mood. Total gardening time per year for me is maybe 6 hours.

Cleaning - that is what flylady is there for - ignore the shoes and odd things, it will help you cope with all manner of things, not just cleaning.

And you can get cuddles from your DC's any time you like - it will make you much closer as the grow older... have a lie in with the children - sleep is always more important than cleaning.

The bit I found hardest was going on holiday and driving on the other side of the road - that was his job. Soon learnt to take a friend. good luck

LittleWonder · 18/03/2008 23:30

Oh yes total - as to the parenting, you will get more help on here and sound advice than from any DH!

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