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Original poster

ExH grand gestures that cost me money

57 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 09:01

It is a while since I have posted here as DD is about to be 20 so contact with ExH is virtually zero.
She arrived home this morning early, she works in a club part time and says 'oh Dad asked me to check if this necklace he has given me needs to be individually listed on your insurance' .
This is the man who felt he needed to take the may after DD was 18 to the August as a sabbatical as a rest as he had worked so hard during Covid so he didn't have to pay maintenance for those last 4 months. He had worked around 25 hours a week during covid whereas I regularly was working 52 hours a week as a key worker that had to provide a 24/7 service through out. No option for me to take a sabbatical as DD still needed a roof over her head and to be fed.
Guess what the necklace will needed to be individually listed to be covered all risks and my insurance will go up. It is nice, but definitely not DD's style so she is unlikely to wear it in the near future.
I know DD sees through the grand gestures and knows who is here for her no matter what, but next week is a very busy period for me at work and now I have to find time to phone the insurance company and sort this out.
The most galling part of the whole thing is that when we were together he insisted that he knew better about insurance and didn't individual list items - we had a burglary and were under insured.

OP posts:
Mischance · 23/12/2023 09:09

I would sell the necklace and use the money for her to buy something she actually wants.

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 09:12

Mischance · 23/12/2023 09:09

I would sell the necklace and use the money for her to buy something she actually wants.

As much as I would love to do that DD is an adult and she won't at the moment.
Ultimately I will just bite my tongue and pay the insurance premium.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 23/12/2023 09:13

She works? Tell her the details for her to get her own insurance

tinatsarina · 23/12/2023 09:16

She's 20 she can get her own insurance surely

BarkHorse · 23/12/2023 09:17

How much was it? Because frankly unless we are talking over a grand I wouldn’t bother insuring it.

declutteringmymind · 23/12/2023 09:17

Ask her to ask her dad to insure it.

decionsdecisions62 · 23/12/2023 09:19

She's 20. Get her to take responsibility for the insurance. 🤷‍♀️

frazzledasarock · 23/12/2023 09:20

I’ve got a child in same age. When she wants anything extra she pays for it. Your dd can be inconvenienced by her shit father.

sonjadog · 23/12/2023 09:20

She can get her own insurance. That would seem like the best option. As an adult, she should learn to insure her belongings.

YomAsalYomBasal · 23/12/2023 09:23

The necklace needs to be kept at her dads under his insurance.

RowanMayfair · 23/12/2023 09:30

How valuable is this necklace??
If she doesn't like it then put it away somewhere safe in the house and don't worry about it.

StartingAgain2024 · 23/12/2023 09:36

I wouldn't be insuring it.

Explain to her she can have it hidden away somewhere uninsured and take the risk, pay the insurance herself, or ask her Dad to do it.

Velvian · 23/12/2023 09:38

Absolutely do not insure it! It is ExH and DD's problem to solve.

HanSB · 23/12/2023 09:40

Agreed with others, don't insure it. Your ExH can sort it out if your DD can't afford it.

WorriedMum231 · 23/12/2023 09:45

You don’t have to do anything at all. You’re enabling. Have him purchase his own insurance for the necklace. Literally, just say no.

Prometheus · 23/12/2023 09:49

Just tell her to keep it at his house if she’ll never wear it. He can insure it.

BornIn78 · 23/12/2023 09:50

This is your chance to stop enabling him.

As pp have said and provided links to, your DD can buy her own insurance, and before you come back with some excuse as to why she can’t afford it, her dad can pay for it if he’s that bothered about it.

It really is that simple. Just say no.

RandomMess · 23/12/2023 09:50

She'll have to keep it at his or pay for the additional insurance herself.

Why do you think you need to jump to his command?

Selenitetower · 23/12/2023 09:52

I agree with everyone else, say no and send DD or exH the link provided above to insure the necklace themselves.

Grumpynan · 23/12/2023 09:57

i would get it valued before insuring - make sure it’s worth while, when you consider how much that extra insurance will cost over time it will have to be a very good piece. It’s not as if it’s her 21st birthday so not sentimental as such.

TomWambsgansSwans · 23/12/2023 09:58

Tbh I wouldn't bother paying the excess, it feels like making work for yourself. If he is loaded and it's a massive expensive piece of jewellery he can pay for it himself, why should you get involved for something he's bought?

If he isn't rich but has just splashed out on it, I'd tell her to be careful but otherwise not worry. She's an adult.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 09:58

It's up to either your daughter or your ex to pay for insurance, certainly not you. Why would you pay insurance for something you haven't bought yourself?

TheGhostOfTheOpera · 23/12/2023 10:00

I’d have a word with her re the cost of the insurance and ask her if she thinks said necklace is worth insuring.

I mean, you don’t HAVE TO insure everything in your house….

Awrite · 23/12/2023 10:04

Bloody hell, there's a snowball's chance in hell I would be insuring the necklace.

Stop being a doormat.