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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

ExH grand gestures that cost me money

57 replies

Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 09:01

It is a while since I have posted here as DD is about to be 20 so contact with ExH is virtually zero.
She arrived home this morning early, she works in a club part time and says 'oh Dad asked me to check if this necklace he has given me needs to be individually listed on your insurance' .
This is the man who felt he needed to take the may after DD was 18 to the August as a sabbatical as a rest as he had worked so hard during Covid so he didn't have to pay maintenance for those last 4 months. He had worked around 25 hours a week during covid whereas I regularly was working 52 hours a week as a key worker that had to provide a 24/7 service through out. No option for me to take a sabbatical as DD still needed a roof over her head and to be fed.
Guess what the necklace will needed to be individually listed to be covered all risks and my insurance will go up. It is nice, but definitely not DD's style so she is unlikely to wear it in the near future.
I know DD sees through the grand gestures and knows who is here for her no matter what, but next week is a very busy period for me at work and now I have to find time to phone the insurance company and sort this out.
The most galling part of the whole thing is that when we were together he insisted that he knew better about insurance and didn't individual list items - we had a burglary and were under insured.

OP posts:
financialcareerstuff · 23/12/2023 10:06

Zero need for you to insure it. It's a gift from her dad and she's an adult. Either one of them insures it, or if it's lost, it's lost.

Simple.

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 10:08

He provided her with a written valuation £1.5K she is a student who works to help support herself.
I have spoken about insurance already, but was a bit shocked at 7.30am when she showed me the necklace and she said oh Dad said you need to check if it needs to be individually list on your insurance.
I will look at insurance policies with her later today.

OP posts:
ofestivetree · 23/12/2023 10:08

Don't insure it if it gets stolen tough

wutheringkites · 23/12/2023 10:10

What written valuation did he give her? Is it a piece of family jewellery or did he buy it for her?

RedHelenB · 23/12/2023 10:10

Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 09:12

As much as I would love to do that DD is an adult and she won't at the moment.
Ultimately I will just bite my tongue and pay the insurance premium.

Show quote history

Up to dd to insure it, it's her present. Why are you acting a martyr?

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 10:11

Me I bought her pointe ballet shoes ( she's in professional dance training) and a hoodie for Christmas from a local street wear company.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 10:12

wutheringkites · 23/12/2023 10:10

What written valuation did he give her? Is it a piece of family jewellery or did he buy it for her?

He bought it us a written valuation from a well respected auction house.

OP posts:
user14699084786 · 23/12/2023 10:13

He might have paid £1500 for it, but it wont be worth that now, secondhand.

I wouldnt bother insuring - if DD wants to, as an adult surely she can sort herself, or as suggested keep it at her fathers on his insurance!

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 10:13

user14699084786 · 23/12/2023 10:13

He might have paid £1500 for it, but it wont be worth that now, secondhand.

I wouldnt bother insuring - if DD wants to, as an adult surely she can sort herself, or as suggested keep it at her fathers on his insurance!

£1.5 is the insurance valuation .

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 23/12/2023 10:14

If she doesn't really like it, there's no point in insuring it surely? She won't be that bothered if it's lost/ stolen.

Scrumbleton · 23/12/2023 10:17

Ignore and don't insure - there you are - no stress

RandomMess · 23/12/2023 10:18

It can just live at her Dad's house.

rwalker · 23/12/2023 10:18

I’m puzzled why your involved she’s 20 if she wants to insure it then she ether gets her own insurance or pays u the cost of adding it

your making a problem when there isn’t one this is nothing to do with you

DRS1970 · 23/12/2023 10:19

Stop wasting oxygen on him. He isn't worth your energy.

Original poster
Lonecatwithkitten · 23/12/2023 10:19

I think we will look at insurance together for her to pay, probably also lock it away.
She never visits where her Dad lives that is one layer of her complex relationship with him.

OP posts:
NightAndShiningArmour · 23/12/2023 10:22

She’s 20. At 20, my cousins had two children, my brother was in the forces and I was living abroad.

It’s not your ExH costing you money, it’s your own choices.

PlaidCushionProductions · 23/12/2023 10:30

she’s unlikely to wear it, she can ‘save it fir best’ at her fathers house and he can insure it.

Willywanker1 · 23/12/2023 10:32

There is some stuff you can choose not to stress or worry about. More fool you for giving this brain space.

DidIMakeaMistake · 23/12/2023 10:37

Why can’t he insure it under his policy?

wronginalltherightways · 23/12/2023 10:40

I would tell her to keep it at her father's and tell him he'll need to add it to his home insurance.

wutheringkites · 23/12/2023 10:43

Just don't insure it.

If it isn't covered by your policy tell him that and say he may want to sort something out. Then it's up to him. Not your problem.

ImFloatingInAMostPeculiarWay · 23/12/2023 10:49

Christ, she is 20, she can insure it, or she can ask her father to.

FloweryName · 23/12/2023 10:55

Looking at insurance with your dd is the right thing to do. Be completely reasonable about it and keep your own understandable feelings about the injustice of the whole situation away from your dd. Let her see that his gift comes with inconvenience and expense and let her draw her own conclusions.

C152 · 23/12/2023 10:56

Well that's a pretty thoughtless gift from him! If you can't afford to insure it, I would be honest and say so. The options are she insure's if herself, her father can add it to his insurance (which is what he should have done in the first place), or it remains uninsured and she risks losing out if it's stolen or damaged.

Bobbotgegrinch · 23/12/2023 11:13

Really not your problem. If she wants to insure it, she can insure it.

She may be living at home but she's an adult, let her realise for herself that her father is making her life difficult.

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