Cosleeping: is it the norm for most single parents?

[Froobs]

Hello!

So, I write this as I’ve just got into (what used to be ‘my’ but is definitely now ‘our’) bed with my 18 month old and am wondering if most / all single parents tend to do the same? I know cosleeping isn’t exclusively a single parent thing, but I do wonder if, without the presence of a partner in the bed, there’s less impetus to move baby into his or her own room?

I’m what I term a lone parent insofar as my child’s father has zero involvement and so it’s very much just me and toddler, and it always has been. Cosleeping was always something that I said I’d never do but, lo and behold, sleeplessness really is as shit as everyone says and the easiest way to circumnavigate that for me/us, was to bring baby into bed with me. And he’s been here ever since!

I have times when I really don’t like it (namely when there’s a foot in my back/face/armpit/crotch all night long no matter how much I move him away) but mostly I enjoy it. And I think I find it just as comforting having him close by as he does having me, but I do still wonder if it’s the ‘right’ thing, and when it’ll stop. I can’t quite fathom why I’d have him down the hall from
me tbh, but then everything seems to point towards that being the optimum set up.

There’s no real point to this really. I’m not looking for advice and I should also say that I really don’t feel pressured to change our sleeping arrangements for now. I’ve never experienced any negative comments or anything like that. I just wondered if any other single parents out there are cosleeping too, or were once, and what their thoughts/feelings are on it.

I co slept with my Ds but he always started the night in his own bed . It’s simply easier - I got more sleep that way .

He is now 16 and barely can cope been in the same room as me 🤷‍♂️

Ive just stopped sleeping with DD, and it’s only because I feel bad about having kicked DH out.

Quite a lot recently I’ve had both DDs (4 and nearly 1) with me, and it’s felt perfect for us, but not for my marriage.

If I didn’t worry about DH I’d 100% have them with me all the time.

Hmm.I dunno my mum was a lone parent and she was horrified I co slept with mine

I’m not a single parent but we coslept for years and all our kids still appear in our bed overnight. It’s not a bad thing and I think children need to feel secure and safe overnight. I often can’t sleep until they are all in bed (with us), which is my own issue, but maybe reflected in what they need and knowing they feel safe…? If cosleeping is easier with a single parent then that’s not a bad thing…? I guess only one parent needs to be on board with the idea, but also wonder if cosleeping as a single parent is not just about protecting that child/doing what is easiest but also a need for company whilst sleeping…. And then wonder how much must that feeling be escalated in child…

that said, it I get kicked enough in the night, I will go and sleep in the abandoned child’s bed….

When was a lone parent , I had dd in her own room , I honestly felt I needed the space in the evening.

I co-slept with ds for years. He had his own room but always wandered in. He liked being with me until he was about 10...at which point he preferred having his space! I don't see any issue with it at all, do what you both like...they are only kids for so long...

I loved it and sometimes we do it now if hes poorly or whatever (he's 12)

I co-slept with my DS in the aftermath of divorcing his dad - he had just turned 4 and was struggling with it. It worked for us - he's now been in his own bed every night for almost a year but sometimes comes in for a cuddle in the morning which is always nice 🥰

DS8 is typically in with me once or twice a week - it'd be every night if I allowed it, but he's often very restless so I don't get much undisturbed sleep!

It is comforting though, for me as well as for him, and I'll be sad when he's too old to do it, hopefully got a few years yet 🤞

Every single parent, and quite a few married ones that I know, have Co slept up until the beginning/middle of primary school. Even if just half the night.

We go slept with ours until they wanted to stop, they had their own beds always though. Just felt right

Dd1 gave up coming in at 2.5, dd2 was 7 years old

Lone parent too - co-slept till she was about 8.

Thanks for all the replies. It’s lovely to read that there’s lots of co-sleeping going on.

@Shouldbehoovering I agree that I think there’s a protective element to it for me, as if with just the two of us in the house, it just feels safer to have him right there with me.

But I definitely also just love it. 90% of the time.

@Toomanysquishmallows I completely
understand what you mean. Being a lone parent, and probably also for those parents that are in a couple but is the absolute default parent, is really suffocating at times. On the downright terrible days, particularly during that first year while I was on mat leave, I wished I’d persevered with moving him to his own room. And I still wish that too sometimes.

ExH would probably say cosleeping is why we split up (he’d be wrong).

But DC has spent two half-nights in his own bed since we moved out and he’s snoring in mine now.

They’re on different floors, which doesn’t help i suppose as he feels too far away when he’s not in with me.

Selfishly, I can’t sleep waiting for him to wake up and call for me and have to traverse the stairs between us. So, he just stays in with me and secretly we both love it.

Not a single parent but we have turned out to be a cosleeping family, much to my surprise.

My son started off cosleeping, then as he got a bit older we started getting him to spend the first part of the night in his own bed, and then after he turned one and I got pregnant again we gradually worked on having him stay in his own bed all night because we knew we'd end up cosleeping with the new baby.

My daughter is 11 months old and has never spent the night in her cot. Sometimes I take her into the spare room so my husband can get some sleep but I think he misses her.

Yes I did it until my ds wanted to sleep in his own room. I let him decide when it was time to sleep in his own bed. He is now a teenager who spends most of his time in his room and there is no way he would share a bed with me now.

Yes I am a single mum and I sleep with my baby. Sometimes I try and put her in her room but at moment I’ve given up because it’s cold and it just feels normal now to share a bed. If people ask I say she sleeps in her own bed most of the night when really she only does for day naps sometimes. Do whatever is best for you and don’t worry about it. I get what you mean about being kicked in the night and stuff though, sometimes I wake up so many times in the night but if we didn’t share a bed I probably still would anyway because I’d be checking up on her and if she’s sleeping ok.

I became a single mum with my daughter was ten months old! Since then she always goes to sleep in her own bed but wakes and I bring her in with me all the time! She is now three! Sometimes she stays asleep until 2-3am! In the early days I found it hard work as I wanted and needed sleep, but now I miss her on the days she stays with her dad! Do what makes your life easiest and brings your child comfort

I and a single parent and co-slept. She's 10 now and we just do it occasionally now as a holiday treat!

I quite happily kick DH out of bed in favour of my 3 year old DS 😂🙈
DS prefers going down in his own bed and absolutely would NOT co-sleep when he was younger! Since moving into a proper bed a few months ago he will come through if he’s struggling to get back to sleep after being awake in the night.
Sometimes I’ll take him back to his room and resettle him there and other times he just climbs in with us, depending what he wants. He lies as close to me as physically possible 😅 might as well be welded together. And he puts his legs straight across the bed into DHs back/chest to make sure he can’t come near 😂

He’s taught me that if he brings his pillow to my room in the night, it means he wants to sleep in my bed 😂 He also sometimes comes through “just to check you’re doing good sleeping mumma!” then toddles off back to his own bed 😂

Not a single parent but currently having to go sleep with my youngest. Sometimes it's annoying with the lack of personal space but mostly I love it. If I didn't have DH around then there's no way I'd bother getting youngest to sleep independently until much older.

Loved co sleeping with my DD. As others have said, it just felt right and her & I have always slept better that way. OH moved into spare room happily and we've all slept well through her early years and toddlerhood! she's now 4 and likes to sleep in her own bed more often, which is a slow transition and she often comes into bed with me half way through the night ❤️ I've loved our years co-sleeping - obviously it's not for everyone but overall us all prioritising a good nights sleep has served us well!! X

Yes I did for a long time. I'd always put my son to bed in his own room - but when he woke in the night I'd just bring him in with me or he'd come in himself when he was older. It was the best way for us both to get the sleep we needed.

Not single but husband away most of the time. When he is usually one of the kids would sleep in with me. They are now 20, 18 and 16 and the two younger ones still come in sometimes if they can't sleep or feel poorly or are having a rough time in life. I like it. It is is so cosy.

Yes I am a single parent
(I see there are a couple that have commented who aren't)
I don't know but maybe you're right. My child does sleep with me.
She's 10 now and still does.
Sometimes she'll sleep in her bed but I think she prefers it with me.
I don't mind. I'm not rush to get it to stop if I'm honest