Cosleeping: is it the norm for most single parents?

[Froobs]

Hello!

So, I write this as I’ve just got into (what used to be ‘my’ but is definitely now ‘our’) bed with my 18 month old and am wondering if most / all single parents tend to do the same? I know cosleeping isn’t exclusively a single parent thing, but I do wonder if, without the presence of a partner in the bed, there’s less impetus to move baby into his or her own room?

I’m what I term a lone parent insofar as my child’s father has zero involvement and so it’s very much just me and toddler, and it always has been. Cosleeping was always something that I said I’d never do but, lo and behold, sleeplessness really is as shit as everyone says and the easiest way to circumnavigate that for me/us, was to bring baby into bed with me. And he’s been here ever since!

I have times when I really don’t like it (namely when there’s a foot in my back/face/armpit/crotch all night long no matter how much I move him away) but mostly I enjoy it. And I think I find it just as comforting having him close by as he does having me, but I do still wonder if it’s the ‘right’ thing, and when it’ll stop. I can’t quite fathom why I’d have him down the hall from
me tbh, but then everything seems to point towards that being the optimum set up.

There’s no real point to this really. I’m not looking for advice and I should also say that I really don’t feel pressured to change our sleeping arrangements for now. I’ve never experienced any negative comments or anything like that. I just wondered if any other single parents out there are cosleeping too, or were once, and what their thoughts/feelings are on it.

No. I never had DD in bed with me overnight unless she was really ill. Probably a handful of times in almost 12 years.

Not a single parent, sorry, but just wanted to chime in and say I think you are doing the right thing. Sleeping close to your babies is the norm for mammals so why would it be any different for humans? Having babies kept away from parents, sleeping apart, being denied comfort, being left to cry, being self reliant, are ideas that came from the 1920s from two male child 'experts' who seemingly had no regard for the biological norms of babies and young children, and sadly some of those opinions are still around today.

I'm not a single parent, but we coslept. It was lovely and everyone slept beautifully.

I don't know anyone who cosleeps, I have family members that used to but this was 10+ years ago. I don't think this is really a thing now that people are more aware of SIDs (I have a friend who's child died from it 20 years ago, so I never did it no matter how hard things got as I didn't want to risk it). I also didn't want to start it as I didn't want it to last for years. Have one family member who slept with her son until he was 12 - ick

If it doesn't bother you though then there's nothing wrong with it, just that it will probably be hard to move them later on if you do want some space (ime)

Most mothers co-slept with their children through history and different cultures. It's normal because it was often the safest way to protect your children as you slept. We now have much better shelters than in times past, so it's not necessarily safer to co-sleep than not, but our primitive brains still want to. I co-slept w/ my daughters (DH snores so we already slept separately) for many years. Working a full-time job and then dinner/bath/ etc., I was exhausted, so lying in bed reading a book and falling asleep w/ my kids kept me healthy and relaxed. Kids don't want to co-sleep forever, but a few times a teenager wound up cosy in bed because she'd had a bad dream, a bad experience or just need some mom time. We live in a cold climate, so it's also nice to share warmth. I miss it!

My mum was a single parent and after my parents divorce my sister and I shared a bed for a long time (through choice - we had our own rooms!) or we'd sleep in my mum. She had a super king but we'd take turns (we were 3&5) one would sleep with her the other would sleep on a mattress on the floor. I think that went on for maybe a year, then it became less frequent/only when we were sick/bad dream etc. what harm can it do?

Forgot to say. I am a parent (but not single!) of two boys. My DH and I sleep separately, I would kill divorce him if we didn't because he snores like a train. I invariably end up with one of our kids in with me, I don't ever really mind, except sometimes the little one who is 4 will want to have a "chat" about whatever random thing it is at 3am! And if daddy goes away, we have "camp out" where we all snuggle down together which the kids love!

True for me!

There’s nothing wrong with cosleeping with your baby/child. It’s the natural thing to do, OP.

We very much cosleep with ours (15mons). She’s happier, we’re happier.

Mine start in their own beds and migrate to mine in the night. Always. I don't mind it at all in these cold wintery nights - like having 2 hot water bottles in with me!

I know they can get to sleep in their own beds, so I think they will just stop when they are ready.

🙈🙈 my ds turned 7 over the weekend and hes asleep in bed next to me right now 😅

He can sleep in his room any time he likes but he prefers to sleep in my bed and it's just so nice. DD 8 is staying at my mums for a few days but shes usually in bed with us too 😂

I co slept with both of mine when they were babies and some nights their in their own beds, other nights their in mine. I love it and as sad as it is I've had the odd cry about when they wont want to fall asleep snuggled up to me anymore.

I wouldnt be bothered if anyone judged us, we dont have much time with our children before they grow up and I know I'll miss it when they finally decide they dont want to 😭

It's not "ick" to sleep close to your own child, whatever age. God, this place has such poisonous nonsense at times.

Co-sleeping is perfectly normal.

I did with daughter until she was about 8 and decided she wanted to move to her own bed.

As a teenager, she only comes in when she feels unwell or something is bothering her.

Mine are 6 and 8 and I’m a single parent. I coslept with both of them when they were little.

They go to sleep in their own beds now but quite often come into me in the night, and always in the mornings for cuddles.

I left my ex when my youngest was still 11 months old and was in my bed anyway. I've been trying to get her used to her own bed now, and often she starts the night that way but she always ends up in my bed. There's a lot of nights where my 4 and 5yos end up in my bed too. Although it doesn't leave much room for me to sleep.
I don't really mind, some nights I really want the bed to myself but most of the time I don't really care.

yes, still going here are 10!