Going to court for full access

[turner2003]

Hi

My ex and I have been 50/50 via private arrangement for about a year now. It's worked, but relations are still frosty between us and my belief is my child is better-off living with me full-time with every other weekend with their other parent.

The other parent argues that they're providing a home (they bought a little house this year 15mins drive away from childs school - I am a 5min walk), works flexibly from home and fulfils every need.

I am unemployed (freelancing) and can provide more time for the child. I think the child likes it at his other parent's, but my home has siblings (with different partners), more rooms, larger garden, closer to friends and is generally better for the child. Our child appears to find moving between two different home cultures difficult. In general, our child has found comprehending having two homes and two families instead of one difficult.

I chose to express my wishes through a mediator. A mediator recently deemed after an MIAM that we are not suitable for mediation and signed a C100. I am now taking the other parent to court for a residence order to which they have shown dismay.

What are my chances of success? I feel I am acting in the best interests of my child. I don't feel there is any value in discussing changing the arrangement as the other parent is just going to refuse to reduce access so I feel that court is the only option. 🤔

I think that the Op is a man. He has moved a woman in with him and now wants her to play mummy.

My heart is breaking for this child. Sounds like your are motivated by the need to be in control rather than having your child best interest at heart. A step father in not a replacement for your child's Dad nor having anything you said offer more benefit to your child's wellbeing than their Dad. Honestly it sounds like you are resentful of the fact that he has you blocked and using your child to get revenge. Highly unlikely that you will get anywhere in court thankfully. Maybe Dad should go for full custody.

@purplecorkheart the OP is keeping the sexes secret, likely hoping comments will go in his/her favour. A dog, a garden and parents boy/girlfriend are apparently adequate replacements for a parent 🤡🥴

Who knows? I've seen women on here say that 50/50 doesn't work for their young child and they want to go for eow. It could be a woman just as easily. That's why it's important to find out the nuts and bolts before jumping straight in I think

I was ready to come on here and sympathise with you, however if your child is happy with the current arrangement I think you're being unreasonable. I've had to have 50/50 since my daughter was 18 months old, she's now 6 and still hates having to live with her dad half the time and it's really upsetting. However, courts seem to go with 50/50 unless physical proof of abuse so I'm stuck. Her dad is only doing it for the control aspect and to not have to pay maintenance (even though I said I'd be prepared to sign something saying I wouldn't claim). It's soul destroying to have to put my child through this but I'm holding out for the day she's old enough that I don't need to force her. With respect to the court system I couldn't afford either financially or mentally to keep going through it as her father was ramping up the manipulation and it was negatively affecting our child. Im not sure what your outcome would be.

The stepparent is irrelevant, and presumably pretty new on the scene since your child is only 3. You might find the current contact set up changing, and not in the way you hope, if you continue with arguments that are not remotely about the best interests of the child.

They're quite right to insist on limited communication

You're coming across as a right arsehole

Kid needs the other parent, they're 3 !!!

This screams reverse !

It’s very uncommon for people to resort to email only for no reason - why does the other parent insist on that @turner2003 ?

Yes, and I really don't get why anyone would bother to do that

I agree

If you go to court with those arguments then you risk your ex getting more than 50% contact because the arguments are so weak.

Courts regularly encourage email or parenting app only contact when the parents can't communicate. He wouldn't be punished with less contact even if you could prove that he was 100% to blame and would he respected for having a method that reduces conflict. (Email is evidence of what is said ) Blocking an ex on social media and messaging apps is a good idea since they provides fodder for conflict.

The dog and stepparent are terrible arguments. Even Mary Poppins wouldn't be seen as better than your child's dad.

The sibling is an argument for 50% but not for more than 50%. If your ex had another child would you accept that as reason to increase his contact? Thought not.

I'm still baffled why you were rude about the location of the house he bought. It looks like he is serious about 50/50 long term/ especially with the ability to work flexibly from home. The fact that you have more money for experiences and a bigger house is neither here nor there.

You are being very generous unreasonable.

A bigger house, a step parent, step siblings and a dog are NOT a replacement for parental contact.

Admit it, you just don't want your child to have contact.

As to being blocked on social media, that's the best solution. It keeps contact clean and above board. Your ex was right about this.

I didn’t think 50/50 was considered healthy for a child, more something that parents demanded.

Isn’t it best that a child has one primary home, rather than two halfway houses that are never fully theirs?

Oh, and , for the reasons you've given, the court will not allow you full custody with no contact.

You sound spiteful. How many other kids have you got? All with different dads? And you think your partner now would be a better "father" to the others?

We know the parent who's already moved on and had 'siblings' with 'partners' already despite the child only being 3 is male.

I agree with the other poster who thinks that this is a reverse.

Mum, stop writing it from your ex's perspective, it's annoying and considered a form of trolling.

I did wonder too but the amount of batshittery on this site atm from supposedly genuine posters made me think I should just hold my fire!

Yabu. And selfish.

By your logic my ex should have had dc most of the time. Because he had a new partner and more dc. (Some step, some his)
But the reason he could meet someone and have all that is because he dropped our dc whenever they were an inconvenience. It didn't make his house better than mine. And actually DC preferred it at my house where it was just us.

Is this a reverse?
No-one could seriously think they had a chance with that reasoning.
I'm amazed.
On the off chance this is real YABVU.
It's not about you, your bigger garden, your bigger house, your dp, it's about the best interest of the dc and their best interest.
Tell us what the real reason is:
You can claim CMS?
Punish your ex?
No wonder they'll only communicate via email, you sound like a nightmare

I had to cease all contact except via email with my controlling ex. I feel sorry for your ex and child.

I say go for it. Spend thousands of pounds being laughed out of court all the while wrecking any chance of ever having an amicable co-parenting relationship.

You don't sound like a nice person to be honest. Having a bigger house doesn't make you a better parent. I feels so sorry for the kid.

Have you actually spoken to a solicitor about your chances of success in court?

Unless theres something big you're missing out here you're in for a shock at court. You may well find judge approves a change in custody but not in your favour...