Going to court for full access

[turner2003]

Hi

My ex and I have been 50/50 via private arrangement for about a year now. It's worked, but relations are still frosty between us and my belief is my child is better-off living with me full-time with every other weekend with their other parent.

The other parent argues that they're providing a home (they bought a little house this year 15mins drive away from childs school - I am a 5min walk), works flexibly from home and fulfils every need.

I am unemployed (freelancing) and can provide more time for the child. I think the child likes it at his other parent's, but my home has siblings (with different partners), more rooms, larger garden, closer to friends and is generally better for the child. Our child appears to find moving between two different home cultures difficult. In general, our child has found comprehending having two homes and two families instead of one difficult.

I chose to express my wishes through a mediator. A mediator recently deemed after an MIAM that we are not suitable for mediation and signed a C100. I am now taking the other parent to court for a residence order to which they have shown dismay.

What are my chances of success? I feel I am acting in the best interests of my child. I don't feel there is any value in discussing changing the arrangement as the other parent is just going to refuse to reduce access so I feel that court is the only option. 🤔

I think you’re being unreasonable personally. What does your child want?

How does your proposal benefit the child?

Can you show it will benefit the child versus the detrimental effect reduced contact with their other parent will possibly bring?

These are the arguments the judge will likely be interested in, and from what you've written it doesn't sound like you have a particularly strong case at the moment.

There's surely more to this than having a bigger house, being able to walk to school, and having siblings as these are absolutely NOT reasons to deny a loving (& willing!) parent to share custody. No wonder your ex is dismayed and I hope any judge will agree. Please don't let your feelings about your ex cloud your judgement about what's best for your child.

Nothing you've said in your post sounds anything like detrimental to your child in a way that will compel a judge to cut 50% access to EOW.

It takes a lot to change the status quo. And your waffle about more rooms and a bigger garden will absolutely not trump their relationship with their other parent.

How old is your child ? If they are say 12ish then they would be allowed to choose and as they prefer the other parent's house then you may have end up with less than 50%

Nothing you have said suggests that changing the order would help. Would you consider letting him be majority parent if the child doesn't like chopping and changing and prefers dad's house?

I think you are massively unreasonable.

Communication is also a factor though. We communicate by email about necessities like arrangement changes and timings and I'd like a more informal style of co-parenting where we can chat in person or over the phone. I'm blocked on whatsapp, facebook, instagram. Everything.

They've insisted on very limited communication and my concern is that it's detrimental to our child. They argue it shields the child from conflict, but I disagree.

With regards to advantages to the child, they have siblings here, a step parent (who can negate the impact of less access to the other parent), a dog and so much more. I don't know what the other parent does for activities and experiences, but I believe I can provide more experiences, holidays and so on.

Child is 3yo

A step-parent does not negate the impact of less access to the other parent!

Yeah. You won't (rightly) win on that argument.
How old is your child?

it sounds like you want the ex out of the way and playing happy families with your new family. A step parent is not a replacement for a loving and will parent and nor should they be.

YABU.

Just sounds like you're being spiteful (are you after maintenance?). None of your points make a solid argument for changing it from 50/50 to anything else, other than you want to 'win'.

From what you've said so far, I'd also rather communicate via email with you, for the paper-trail if anything.

Why was 50-50 agreed a year ago if this is how you now feel? What has changed? And who was main carer before it went to 50-50?

Would you accept your ex having your child the majority of time since their partner is a good replacement for you?

Absolutely cannot agree with this. Utterly spiteful and actually very very sad for your child. As much as you'd like to believe you have 'better' everything, you don't. Their other parent is just as important as you and is entitled to have their child 50% of the time.

You actually sound a bit unhinged to suggest having a step parent fills that gap entirely. I am a step parent myself and I will never fill their actual parents shoes even if I wanted to. Put your child first!!

Oh, and good shout by him to shut down communication avenues besides email. And I say he as I'm pretty sure who is who in this situation.

so basically this is all because they don’t tell you as many things as you’d like to know

That’s a really shit, and selfish, reason to try and limit your child’s time with their parent

Who was primary caregiver up until the point you split?

You sound really selfish

I am afraid your view that a dog and a bigger garden make you a better parent is very wrong. A good parent facilitates equal access if both homes are happy and safe.

You want to cut down 50% parental access because you don't like the way your ex chooses to communicate with you?!!

A judge is not going to be impressed by your clear disdain for your ex. Some of it is based on nonsense too. Why do you say ´the other parent argues they are providing a home’ like you don’t believe it counts? It’s a house, close enough to school to make school runs perfectly workable, your child’s other parent lives there, sounds like there is space for the child. Judge won’t care one jot that your kid’s room at your house is bigger or that your garden is better. As long as it’s a safe place for a child to live and the child has a space to sleep and things to play with and clothes, and it’s a pretty stable set up then it counts as a home! Step parents are generally considered completely irrelevant unless they are a risk or a protective factor if one parent is borderline incompetent. So your partner won’t be taken into consideration.

Email is often preferred by a party who wants traceability and evidence of what was said / agreed

You’re trying to make yourself appear in the right (and desperately keeping the sexes hidden) and then you trip up by saying a dog and a stepparent negate the impact of you removing the kid from his/her other parent? Come on.

Also, what does 50:50 look like? Is it one week with you and the next with the other parent, or swapping every other day? 50:50 can take different forms and one style may work better than another. So that should be tried first.

I don't think 50/50 is always in the best interests of the child but changing it purely because you have more money is not a reason to change it, even if it is flawed.

Why am I really getting the sense here of a father kicking off because his ex is not wanting contact that will allow him to keep her under his thumb 🤔