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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Single Mums, I need your opinion & advice please re dsd & ex wife

49 replies

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:05

A few weeks ago, both dsd & dss were staying with us. He took dss out with him but the little girl didn't want to play rugby but wanted to come to the shops with me as I needed to pick up stuff from Harrods & King's Rd. which is a million times more interesting she said.

Fine I said, we'll have a girly afternoon and my dh said to me: If you walk past a shoe shop, could you get her a new pair as she's not comfy in the ones she's got here (we also keep dss & dsd's clothes in our house). No probs I said.

Off we went and after a really great time with her (she's only 8 but we spoke about loads of things, checked out all the make-up counters and picked up my stuff) we went to Russell&Bromley and I bought her dark ballerinas as I thought she could wear it with her school unfiform, too and satin ballerinas because she just adored them.

On the way back home we decided to sit in a cafe and enjoy smoothies and let the boys do their 'boy thing' as she said ;-)

Anyhoo, to cut a long story short. After handing them over on Sunday her Mum went spastic that I had taken her out with me and called me dp irresponsible and untrustworthy and that he cared nothing for his kids and what a stuck up cow I was and how I dared buying her crap.

I am naturally very hurt, thinking about what I did wrong. She's never liked me but this sort of attack is new and now she doesn't want the kids to see their Dad if I'm in the house. Trouble is we live together and she knows it. I cannot go somewhere else as I don't really have close friends or relatives here and I don't want to stay in a hotel or go away (no dosh).

It all got really nasty and my dp said she's furious because you get along with the kids so well.

Uhm...OKAY...I can understand that to some extent...but this behaviour is out of order. I sent her a text apologizing if I made a mistake, I only did it to make the her daughter happy, I'm sorry for upset, I'd never speak badly of her and thought she'd like it if I did something her dd would enjoy, I never dream of taking her mum's place.

No response and still vitriol. She told dp: either the kids or me.

Help! What can I do?

OP posts:

lou33 · 10/03/2008 17:11

i stopped reading this when you used the word spastic

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:13

lou33.......dont bite!!!

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:13

lou33 · 10/03/2008 17:13

i'm off now anyway

MascaraOHara · 10/03/2008 17:14

blimey, you really need to adjust your use of language it kind of makes the actual problem pale into insignificance

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:15

MOH........Me thinks this is a windup!!

lou33 · 10/03/2008 17:15

yes i am splitting my sides laughing here

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:17

Awww lou i wasnt being funny, I tinhk this person is looking to irritate people.........maybe??

MascaraOHara · 10/03/2008 17:17

oh whoops. what's going on then? is it supposed to be funny? have I missed something?

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 17:18

trip trap

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:18

no not funny at all.........was just trying to say dont let whoever they are wind anyone up with their stupid choice of words, trying to provike a reaction............sorry

stoppinattwo · 10/03/2008 17:19

thats the words i was looking for mamazon!!

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:19

Nonono, my mother tongue isn't English, please come back.

I mean she went through the roof and I could hear her yelling on the other end even though I was 3m away.

She's not normally like this at all. It's a complete change of behaviour and I don't know why.

I didn't mean to offend, I'm looking for the right word. Sorry.

OP posts:

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 17:20

reported.

Lauriefairycake · 10/03/2008 17:23

I'm sure you're not a troll (who could be bothered to think up such a long winded problem?)

Alexa - we try not to use discriminatory terms on here - please consider the words you use.

In answer to your problem, you have done nothing wrong, this is between her and him, if she tries to prevent them seeing him it is her problem and the childrens loss , sorry for what you're going through

Hopefully at some point she will accept that her and her ex-partners relationship is over - but be sensitive, that can take a while

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:25

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it in a derogatory way, I meant she went so mad, like she never did.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:25

Thanks Laurie.

OP posts:

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 10/03/2008 17:31

Lesson learned then Alexa? Of course you meant it in a derogatory way, it was used as an insult. If English isn't your first language then who in your life thinks that is acceptable?!

Other than your inappropriate use of language, you have done nothing wrong. It sounds like you're performing the proper role as step-parent of being a friend and not her mother. She has behaved terribly. Do not apologise to her again, she is using her children as a weapon. Her dd had, had a lovely day until her unnecessary outburst.

She sounds very insecure to me.

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:36

No, I really didn't mean to insult her or use it in a mock way. I mean it in 'rageing in a red mist', no sense to it. Some of my colleagues use the word, too.

Yes, lesson learned, sorry.

Should I not be with the kids?

OP posts:

bluejelly · 10/03/2008 17:37

She sounds v insecure. Maybe your expensive gifts made her feel inadequate. Personally I would love it if my ex had a gf and she took some interest in my dd.

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 17:39

Thanks bluejelly, sorry for your dd.

It's hard not to, as my dsd is very bubbly and a whirlwind ;-)

OP posts:

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 10/03/2008 17:42

That is not what it means Alexa - it used to be used that way, which is not acceptable. No one is shocked because you were insulting her, they are shocked because that word is offensive and should never be used by anyone.

this might help explain it

You should be with the kids. Your are a part of their lives - you're not just a short term girlfriend, you live with your dp.

lou33 · 10/03/2008 18:09

stoppin, i wasnt annoyed at you

alexa, shame on your friends for using that term, tho at least you have apologised and hopefully wont use it again

Original poster

Alexa808 · 10/03/2008 18:20

Sorry to all on this thread with support for the sticky situation I'm in.

I vow I will never use this word again. I did now it signified a severe illness but in the ways I heard it, it was used for someone acting unnecessarily angry and not making sense in his/her rage.

I want to apologise to those that were hurt and might know people suffering from the condition.

DP suggested meeting ex wife but now I'm scared of her. Would you?

OP posts:

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 10/03/2008 18:29

Alexa that was a cery gracious apology

You could meet with her, but I think perhaps he should. Has she got a partner? I'm guessing she hasn't, because if she had then surely she would understand the ridiculousness of her views.

I think your dp should sit her down and very calmly ask what the problem is.

How long have you been with him? Has she always been like this? How long since they split up? (Sorry for all the questions, if too personal then don't answer )

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