Feeling like a useless mother - sorry long post.

[lottymadbird]

I found out yesterday that someone who i though was a really good friend has been criticising the way I'm bringing up DS. She said a) that DS should not be in a cot at his age (he's 2.5), b) should not be having naps in the afternoon and c) that I'm obviously losing it because I didnt answer the door when she came round in the week.

DS had not been well for ages and so I have put off putting him in a new bed for fear of disturbing his sleep anymore than it already has been, in my opinion he needs a nap because he sleeps 2-3hrs and still sleeps 12 at night and I didnt answer the door because I was trying to calm DS down at the time.

I'm so annoyed she's been saying these things behind my back, she doesn't have children of her own so has never experienced being a parent let alone a LP.

On top of that DP (not DS's father) said to someone else that I've not been coping very well this week. Its been a difficult week, had to take DS up to hospital for tests and he's had a very bad ear infection too. I think I have been coping although on two occasions I had to just leave the room for 2 minutes to calm down because there was just nothing I could do with DS he'd got himself in such a state. Wish I hadn't told DP about it, and feel like he's betrayed a confidence.

I dont know... am I totally off in my parenting because DS is still not in a cot?

I feel like I dont have anyone on my side and I'm doing it all wrong.

I can understand why you are so upset he is your son you know how he is and have been assessing things on the facts (him being unwell) rather than what others think. Personally I think you were spot on. You ae thinking about him needing a bed but did not want to change things immediately because he was unwell sounds reasonable, thought through and sensible to me. Ok he climbed out of the cot recently but surely that is a sign that he is feeling better and you can put the plan to get him into a bed which you already had into action? Please don't let this gossip make you feel bad you did your best and without having a crustal ball you can do no more.

When one of my friends had her second I was forever nagging her about strapping her into her car seat when she was just sitting in it the house. One morning I turned up and she greeted me in tears little one had fallen out, she said you will say I told you so I just shrugged what was the point, accidents happen baby was fine Friend was the one in a state. When I was small Mum had me in a bouncy chair on the kitchen work surface and I bounced off still have a scar on my chin. Expect I will misjudge something with this little one I am carrying right now.

Accidents happen and children have accidents. It's very easy to look back and say I should/shouldn't have..... hindsight is a wonderful thing. You do the best you can at the time, and I think that is exactly what you did. Bet it did more harm to you than him

My baby is 7mth old, and since she has been born I have become a free-for-all in regards to criticisms. It?s ?u?re feeding the baby wrong?, ?shouldn?t be breastfeeding at 6mths?, ?baby should be on solids at 4mths?, ?u hold the baby too much?, ?u?re holding the baby the wrong way?, ?u don?t wash the baby enough?, ?leave her to cry to it out?, etc etc, etc. I?m not sure why people think they?re being helpful, criticising a first time mother. Why can?t they realise that the way u feel for ur child is not that unique, in that most parents feel the same way about their kids, and how they choose to raise that child in nobody?s? business as long as the child is healthy and happy. I wish there was a book that said ?motherhood is tough enough, don?t contribute to her distress?.

Frankly I think the fact that I get out of bed everyday, and soldier on makes me an excellent mother, and that goes for every parent out there. Don?t let the haters win!!

You are NOt a useless mother.

You let your son sleep when he isn't well. Doctors always advise that you should rest when you aren't well.

You left the room when it was a bit stressful. That is EXCELLENT-you hid your stress from your son.

You are putting your son FIRST-that makes you a great Mum.

oh thanks for those kind words. Am feeling much better now, I think I wasnt handling things too well, letting things get on top of me, knowing she had been saying these things behind my back really knocked my confidence.

But we have talked about it and went out for a nice day together with DS on Monday. I'm more than happy to accept her apology unfortunately it seems to have caused ripples within our "group" of friends which is causing some fallout.

DS is much better and I've become more in control which helps his behaviour. Feeling brave enough to attempt to get him in a big bed tomorrow ! wish me luck....

Its a funny thing but if you dont have kids or arent bringing them up all day every day you really dont know what its like, I can't really blame her for that, she just sees it from a simplistic view.