LOST..CONFUSED.ALONE.SCARED.....

[tjgx]

hi please im looking for any advice moral support and friends..im pregnant with my 3rd bby...ive 2 other girls ages 12 n 13..n feel so isolated and alone...the father 2 b is not the father of my 2 girls...he says he wants nothing to do with this baby..n that i should get rid...there is no way im doing this..my family have found out the guy is mixed race n say if i keep this bby im on my own they want nowt 2 do with me due 2 the colour..which i think is so wrong...they say im cruel to bring this baby here..im 32 yrs old yet feel like im 16 asking for permission..this has put such a strain on family..n ifeel ive been outcasted..2 top it off,,,the father 2b mum is my neighbour..she was my friend...n didnt have a problem with me being with her son...but now she is steering well away from me..i feel ive no1..im 3months now..im scared and ive no support ..please i really need some advice on how 2 handle this...n what dod i do when ihave this baby n i have 2 pass his mums door..they do durgs in her house and i dont want my baby around that plz plz help me many thanx tjx

hi nightowl x...hope ur well....i no ur rite in wat u sed..with father pickin n choosin wen he wants 2b involved,im so confused i dont no wat 2 do 4 the best,my family r getting easier with me now so thats good but there is still alot of conflict!!....some of them say its his first born he has rite 2 b there,some say dont tell him.others say when i leave do not give out my new addy 2them!!i believe a child has a rite 2 c his father n vice versa.but i also believe that i have the rite if i think its not rite 4 my child!!there4 im not sure wat 2 do 4 the best,i really dont like him,nor do i want him,i feel i dont desrve the abuse as ive done nothing wrong...but feel his influence on this babys life will not b a good 1..

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hi tjgx, sorry to hear you have had such a tough time lately. i think that labour is such a personal experience that any woman has the right to allow exactly who she wants to be present. and you want someone there who is going to support you 110%, not someone whose motives you doubt.

best of luck

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tjgx, he has NO RIGHT so see the birth unless you want him there. dont make yourself uncomfortable just to do right by him. im a person who usually puts others feelings before my own but with something so special i wouldnt do anything to ruin it. i absolutely refuse to. both my births were horrible in one way or another and if i could have had them exactly as i wanted then i would have done so. its totally up to you...dont be bullied into something you dont want. if he had been supportive then fair enough..but he hasnt. do what YOU want for that one special time. if you want him there then do so..if you dont, bugger his feelings...he hasnt cared much for yours. hes not your responsibility. (ps, if my ex had turned up at the birth he wouldnt be having any more babies thats for sure!!!!) no seriously, go with what you want and dont try to please anyone else. im glad to hear your family are coming round btw xx

Hi 2 all that has left me some really good advice ...many thanx...happy mumx mumto steven x n nightowl x....ive made up my mind now!! i dont want the father2b or his family 2no my bby!!..ur so rite ive had no support from any of them..so y should i let any of them b involved with my bby....i do feel sad that ive come 2 feel this way..n i do beleave..a child has a rite 2no its father..BUT....im going 2do wat ifeel is best!!n that is...2 love n care for him her the best i can,,n not 2 let ppl that r a bad influence on my bby 2b around him/her...they have made it clear wat they want n how they feel..n so have i..im not doing anything 2 plz others im doing it 4 me...im just worried that if i stop them!! they may take me 2 court...2 gain access n all that...wat do u all think !!

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Don't have him at the birth! I can't imagine anything worse. And don't register the birth with him, because that will give him certain rights automatically.
BTW, text writing makes me feel really old because I can hardly understand it!

good morning all ......maybe once i move i will feel alot easier....but i cant c that happening till after bby is born!!...its just going 2b so hard if im still living here n bby is born...i no they will b knocking on my door 2 c wat i have ..just 2b nosey....im not going 2 let them gloat n stare...so if they knock 2 c i will say no..n if i pass them on the stairs with baby...i will not let them look either y should i!!...im a good person n i no i havent deserved the way they have treated me...so y should i do it 2 plz them....his mum knocked on my door the day after her son abused me...sayin o i dont want 2 fall out i dont want no trouble....all she was scared of was the fact my family would come round looking 4 him....the threats he made..ex...he wants 2 fight my brother...he knows him...so thats all she was worried about!!...i told her i dont want any arguements..n wat he said 2 me in front of my girls was disgusting....if my brother did find out their would b war!! as my bro cant stand him...im keeping my mouth shut 2 keep the peace...but i cant keep haveing this done 2 me...she never came bk 2 c me again!!....i no im not getting their support...n i no they dont deserve 2 b involved with my baby...i just dont want any trouble when baby is here...n i think he will ...he once said 2 his mum...when she has baby..n she gets a bf...n i cant c baby..i will kick her **ing door in....i neva once said he couldnt c this baby he is the one that chose 2 blank it all out not me!!...but now ive made up my mind n the answa..is no way!!

I think people rate family far too high. Great if you have a good supportive one. However they can be the bain of existence if they are judgemental and unsupportive.

I have told my father as he is altruistic and loves me whatever. The rest of my family can drown for all I care. I won't be telling them about the pregnancy at all. It is difficult enough being pregnant and preparing for the birth on your own without people who are supposed to love you unconditionally making you feel like shit. There has never been a single mother in my family - There was a divorce but what a hullabaloo that caused.

My baby will be mixed race too. Genetically speaking it is the best way to be! You know if you compare to hybrid flowers and things like that - greater resistance to disease - same thing for human beings too if you want to look at it another way. So all the people who are racist or intolerant are really just ignorant. It doesn't matter the race of your child and certainly shouldn't matter to your family.

I moved away from the city I grew up in simply for the reason I won't have my family dictate my self esteem. Gonna be a mummy now and more important things to think about that if they except me or my pregnancy.
Goodluck!

Hi all..;)....HOPE UR ALL WELL X...havent been here 4 a wile firstly my comp wasnt working...then i came down with really bad flu...aarrhh...but now on the mend...so far things here have been really quiet.....apart from his sister came 2 c me..shes the only one with sense...and who is nice 2 me!!...aparently father 2b saw me the other day...n told his mother..what a f...ing dog i am......firstly i really dont no y he is making these comments about me AGAIN!!...n secondly his mum knows me n his sis talk n that she tells me everything!!...im feeling very low lately....n i dont no wat im 2do about all of this...i stay rite out of his way...n yet he continues 2b abusive if he sees me or wen im not around...i cant wait till i move...but also scared of bringing another child up alone...my other 2 girls their dad is around...he does see them...which is good....but i dont no wat 2 do about all this stupidness...

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Hi all ....where do i start!!...i did a very stupid thing the other day.....i wrote father 2b a note...i could kick myself now...his mum came 2 c me sunday night...(witch)....starting saying things like i dont care what my son wants but i really want 2 no this baby when its ere.....felt very confused with the conversation....i told her i was goign to write him a note...said i was going 2 give him a chance 2 put all this rite..b4 bby born..n b4 i leave...so in the note i wrote...u n me r not the issue this bbby is...i said u cant ignore me 4 9 months then walk in at the end of it n think it ok...told him the abuse i will 4get that we r adults n my concern is this bby...but the only way 4 us 2 do that is 2 talk...told him im leaveing n that i didnt want 2 leave without trying 2 sort this mess out..told him im doing this 4 my bby...i said if its not sorted n i leave then im never coming bk...told him its ok 2 call me or 2 nock at the door...n if he really wants the dna then he can have it done....that letter was given 2 him monday nite..so far ive not heard nothing....i then told my family what i done...they hit the roof...they r supporting me now which is good...they said i should nevs have written him the letter..n that he doesnt desreve anything from me...i know they r rite...but i just feel bad 4 my bby...me as a person im friends with my x partners...my kids dad...n my partner after him...he always pops round 2 c me neva comes in my house drives past n i go say hi..which is nice...well father2b...says he wants dna..when bby here cause it mite b my x...cause he always around..,.cause of this comment my family have gone mad...they say tell him 2 F... ...n not 2 give him anything..he knew i was friendly with my x...now im so confused about it all n what is the right thing 2 do...i wrote that with a good heart n now he wants dna...plz helpxxxxx

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I've just noticed thread and wondered if you've thought of contacting Gingerbread (Tel:0800 018 4318) at all? It's free to become a member,and once you've done that you have access to their advice line (above number) for help with just about any issue you could dream up! They also have a network of local support groups which organise social activities,get togethers and other stuff just for single parents and their children.It would also give you local access to others in the same situation that can provide a real life shoulder to cry/lean on.I know for a fact there is at least one group in Islington because when I went on their pre-Christmas break to Folkestone I met loads of mums from it

Hi...thanx 4 ur msgsxxxxxx...the dna...he told his mum thats wat he wanted...but his eldest sis is very nice 2 me...she does stick up 4 me...as told me he told her thats wat he wanted 2..well i seen his si tonite...n i told her...the talk i want with him still stands...but the dna..he can go sing 4 it unless he comes 2 my door himself 2 ask...his mum also said that if he doesnt ask me 4 dna she will pay 4 it to throw in his face 4 all the aggro he has caused...well if im onest i do not beleave her...i feel she also is in 2 minds of who the bby father is...so my choice is...the can both kiss my... they r not getting anything...told the sis that its not his mums place 2 ask 4 dna it has nothing 2 do with her so my answer is no...

sorry i havent seen this thread for a while, just wanted to say hi xx sorry to hear about how your ex is being again. it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do

Hi nightowl...nice 2 hear from u again glad ur well xxxxx.........u no what i could scream n scream...every1 passing me msgs he said he said...ive had enough of it....told them i dont want 2 know if wants 2 say anything he knows where 2 come....what do u think of all this dna rubbish...n the cheek of the witch how dare she...so wish my mouth had been quick enough 4 her...but think it shocked me when she said it...n its only hit me now

Tgjx, from everyhting you have written, why are you bothering with them? I understand totally that you have misgivings as to whether you are doing the right thing, cutting things off fromm your baby's father but:1) he has shown himself to be a toal prat wr with regards to how he has treated you in this pregnancy so far, why subject stressed out mother-to-be and baby to more? 2) DNA ? Let him go through the courts to get that ordered and then he can pay for the test. Can he be bothered? Just tell him where to get off. 3) get that move to Basingstoke under way and get out of that situation whereby his mum is nextdoor. Harsh, denying your child the right to know it's father? Not in these circumstances at the detriment of its relationship with you I don't think so. At the stage in pregnancy you're at I'd be seriously concerned about ensuring that YOU are alright to ensure that there is a baby at the end of it all to worry about. Concentrate on YOU and HEALTHY BABY before worrying about that a**e, and what he wants. Even after baby is born, there will be plenty of time after things settle down to take stock, WHEN he has matured enough to reconsider whether having him or his family will be an important contribution to baby's upbringing. Happy mum, happy baby. From what I've read this child has nothing tobe gained. I'm sorry if I don't know all the facts.

Hi mummy xxxx...thanx 4 ur imput...n i totally agree 2 wat u have said...sometimes it takes 4 u to do something then it hits u..that u was rite all along...at least i can say i tried...but im not doing that anymore....saw his sis 2day....n told her im not interested anymore..n that the only way he do anything now is through a court..i told her im not a mug..n wont b treated like 1...she agrees with me..i said my concern is this baby....n that wateva he wants now he will av 2 fight me 4...cause im sticking my heels in...hope im doing the right thing...also said...that his mum can go jump 4 all i care...she hasnt botherd in 5 months then turns up an ask a dna....NO CHANCE.....told the sis she was more than welcome...but any1 else may kiss my a++...cant wait 2 go...but cant see it happening 2 after baby born....buts its ok...ive been nice all along now they will c a diff tj....let them try..xxxxx

let him have his dna...then he can pay out money for something he doesnt need. silly man. if he wants to waste money on that i would go for it. pity he cant say it to your face and has to use his messengers. youre up late?

so sorry to hear your situation. it is very hard when the farter doesnt support you. if your are really certain you want this baby then you must go for it. his mum souds like someone to avoid especially if they do drugs in her house. if situation with ex boyfriend get out of hand then call the police. they will support you. also when you move try to join a single parent group and you will meet people in same boat. at least with big kids as baby gets older they can babysit and you can get out and have time to do your own thing. good luck with it all. thinking of you at this difficult time.

sorry made a misprint in last message, farter was meant to be father. whoops !

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