Not using a car seat for young child - CAO

[snakesinthegrassgoabsolutelyfree]

Hi, has anyone got experience of their ex not using car seats for their children? I've recently discovered he isn't using them. It was DV so I haven't ever been out to put the children in the car, he drops and picks up as I don't have a car and he lives miles away in the middle of nowhere, impossible on public transport. The car has tinted windows so I haven't ever been able to see in when I've seen them driving in town. They mentioned it last week so I got all my guts up and went out to ask, he got nasty, I checked, no seats. He went crazy at me and I was very scared. He went off without the children. I'm not sure what my next steps should be, there is a CAO and I am the lived with parent. I'm not going to let them go in the car until he is fully compliant and he just replied he was getting advice. He is constantly threatening court and trying to keep me in poverty. Part of the abuse was financial and he continues to do it through the CMS. If I go to amend the CAO its going to cost me a lot to start the process, which I don't have, I can represent myself but its the application and all the other bits, i just can't afford it. But then I was thinking if I just withhold contact for going in the car and so nights as well, then he will be forced to take it to court instead if he has a problem with that.

I suppose Im trying to find out if anyone else has been in this weird situation and what did you do. I know its a long shot as its pretty much insane to drive kids without car seats and without seat belts done up in the UK.

I'm also trying to work out if a court will even think this is valid grounds to withhold contact for going in the car. I've been worried about their safety for a long time on other things but can't seem to get listened to. NSPCC did say I had valid concerns for the other things, they told me to contact local childrens services and they just laughed at me as if it was some sort of separated parent falling out and told me to go to court if it was bothering me that much (that was leaving children alone in house, caravan, young one playing with matches and knives unsupervised, no boundaries, no routines, no sleep, always ill after being with him, food poisoning etc etc). To me driving without car seats for nearly two years shows some serious neglect and insane thinking. We always had them before so he knows and understands the concept of them.

Report it?

@FeelSoDown yes but to who? If he's not actually driving with them because now I know I'm not going to let them do that, its not the police. Even If I did would the police even bother to chase it up at the exact time it was happening? I think they're too busy.

Can you have someone with you (brother? Father? Couple of friends?) at the next contact pick up time? Then do the same thing. Ask to see the car seats. You’re not preventing contact. You’re refusing to let the children travel in a car unsecured. If the kids are ready and available for contact, you have fulfilled your role in the CAO.

Did you post about this a few days ago? I read a similar thread where op was told to report it to the police

It is a police matter, as the law states children must use car seats up to a height of 135cm or age 12 whichever comes first, and even in the rare case of an emergency/essential trip where an exception might be granted, they have to at least wear seatbelts. This is the driver's responsibility.

Maybe go to CAB or ring 101 and ask there or contact CAFCASS and ask?

I know they generally are a bit useless and tend to write things off as "separated parent angst" as when I told my HV that people had told me my ex was quite possibly using illegal drugs and I didn't know if that was happening around my child she totally waved it off like it was a load of hearsay off facebook. Which, well, yes, I suppose it was, but it was also a geniuine concern!!

This was the other thread BTW in case it's helpful.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4908658-should-a-5-year-old-be-in-a-car-seat**

i literally have this situation! I have a really tricky case in court regarding child contact. Now he is having unsupervised contact with one of children he doesn’t use a car seat. I have reported to social and raised it with him but continues to do it. I wondered if this is police matter also

Police told me only if they caught him they suggested I call them when I knew he was in the car without and where. I never tried it but a year later and it’s back in court again about it and worse. Whole system is pretty messed up tbh, no real answer sorry