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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should a 5 year old be in a car seat?

61 replies

treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 17:37

Car seats and 5 year olds. If a child is regularly going in a car with a parent, three times a week for two 40 minute journeys each way, do they have to be in a car seat or a booster? To add he also has him for weeks in the holidays and drives longer journeys with no car seat. My ex is refusing to put my son in one. My son is 121.5cms and weighs 23kgs. I'm struggling to understand the Government guidance. I've offered a high back for him to use, and a booster to have, but he's completely refusing. The added issue is that my son also refuses to wear a selt belt and so his dad has disabled the automatic alarm. So he's just sitting in the backseat 70s style. Is there anything I can do about this? Am I being unreasonable? I'm so worried about my son. Is there somewhere where I can report to?

OP posts:
WhatAPalaverer · 29/09/2023 17:38

Report him to the police.

Alstroemeria123 · 29/09/2023 17:39

Report to the police, but does your son have the same issue when he’s with anyone else? I’d also be reinforcing to him that seatbelts and car seats aren’t optional.

Frosty1000 · 29/09/2023 17:40

Yes he should be and yes report to police. How worrying for you - I'd be stopping my child going in the car if it were me.

Kaill · 29/09/2023 17:40

Kids need to be in a car seat until age 12 or 135cm tall. What your ex is doing is incredibly dangerous and could end in tragedy. I would report to police and would refuse to give him access unless he uses a car seat or booster along with a seatbelt. Keep your child safe, even if you have to keep him safe from his own father.

Excited101 · 29/09/2023 17:41

Omg of course he does! A decent rear facing seat (ideally Swedish pass tested) would give him the best chance in an accident, a proper quality high backed booster would be better than nothing but as it stands, it wouldn’t take much of a hit for him to be dead. That’s awful op.

Notagains · 29/09/2023 17:42

He is breaking the law. Yes a 5 year old must be in a car seat

WoolyMammoth55 · 29/09/2023 17:43

YANBU but what on earth do you mean "my son refuses to wear a seatbelt"?

If he's not in a seatbelt he can't be driven in a car, end of.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/09/2023 17:46

Wait for him to leave and report him
Just drove past a car, kid wasn't in a seat belt or car seat.

I'd also see what recourse you have to refuse access given your ex is a negligent dickhead who's being a shit parent. One bump, not even his fault, kid hits the front seat or window at force.

No seatbelt, no car. Even in a taxi where you don't need a car seat, seatbelts are compulsory

HerMammy · 29/09/2023 17:46

Forget the car seat , your son refuses to wear a seatbelt ???

Doyoumind · 29/09/2023 17:54

A 5yo can't safely wear a seat belt without a car seat. Does he not wear it as it's so uncomfortable?

Put in writing that you want your DS to spend time with his father but you won't allow him to travel without the required safety equipment so if he wants contact to continue you need reassurance it's in place or you will have to take the matter further.

Original poster
treesflowersandbreathe · 29/09/2023 17:57

His brother who is 11 has told me he refuses to wear it. He’s not a liar. The younger one just laughs and says yes that’s right

OP posts:
SapphireOpal · 29/09/2023 17:57

Mine were still rear facing at that height and age. It makes my blood run cold thinking of a little kid of that age with no seatbelt. I'm assuming a 40 min journey might be at least partly on fast roads too? Please report him.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/09/2023 17:59

No way would my children be getting into a car ar 5 unrestrained. I'd keep them home with you and tell dh to take you to court. It's basically a fucking death sentence.

In the meantime I'd report him to Social Services, and insist that any future contact should be at a contact centre.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/09/2023 17:59

Sorry not dh, ex.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 29/09/2023 18:02

What's confusing about the guidelines? Your child is neither 12 nor 135cm so needs to be in a car seat.

Starlightstarbright2 · 29/09/2023 18:03

I would refuse to let him take Ds .. if court ordered report to the police

InTheRainOnATrain · 29/09/2023 18:04

What on earth? A seatbelt is just one of those things that’s non negotiable and at 5 he should understand why it’s necessary. Does he have additional needs?

Yes he needs a car seat as not 135cm but a booster is fine for that age. Ideally high backed but I wouldn’t get upset about a backless booster if he actually had the belt on- newly sold ones are for 125cm+ but he’s only a few cm off and also older ones sold under the previous regulations don’t have same restriction and are still legal to use for smaller kids. He can’t just be loose in the back though.

caringcarer · 29/09/2023 18:09

Of course the child should be in a car seat. Why would anyone want to risk it's life?

DaaamnYoullDo · 29/09/2023 18:10

When you know he's in the car with him report him to the police. They'll pull him over. He'll get a bollocking and the kid will get a lesson too.

The car seat have rear faces to 4 the. Is a full car seat to 7 seven. Then I'll probably put DS in a high back booster.

Cowlover89 · 29/09/2023 18:11

Definitely report x

Hummingbird233 · 29/09/2023 18:11

Without a car seat, he's at increased risk of breaking his back and neck.

Without a seat belt, he will likely die instantly in a car crash. Even an emergency stop he'd likely be seriously injured if not dead.

It's difficult because he'll lie to you and the police. I think you'll have to call the police and arrange a "sting" if the police will do it. So they can follow him and pull him over mid-no car seat no-seat belt. You need proof.

Poor boy, it's not his fault his dads a huge prick.

Btw the average child needs a car seat until around 8-10 years old. Then needs a booster seat until 10-12yrs old.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/09/2023 18:12

Btw the average child needs a car seat until around 8-10 years old. Then needs a booster seat until 10-12yrs old

It's height or age, whichever is reached first. My 11 yo dd is taller than me, so she's been too tall for a booster for a while.

StoneWashJeansWithAMatchingJacket · 29/09/2023 18:13

I don’t think the law is that confusing- it states your child needs to be in an appropriate car seat until he is 135cm tall and he is nowhere near there yet. The law also states every passenger has to wear a seatbelt.

Does your child sit in his seat with his seatbelt on in everyone else’s car? Either way, no way would I be allowing anyone including my child’s other parent to recklessly endanger their life. My child wouldn’t be going anywhere with that dickhead.

redguitar123 · 29/09/2023 18:15

Report Dad to the police and social services, stop all contact and tell him why.
Does this prince among men have parental responsibility?

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 29/09/2023 18:18

I have these seat belt locks that once its on, the child cant take it off. £8 amazon.

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