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Original poster

My childs father wants to take me to court

47 replies

Worriedjo · 07/08/2023 23:44

When I was pregnant my childs father was horrible to me called me all kind of names and told me to have an abortion then said the baby isn't his I blocked him because the rudeness was too much.
My son was born and CSA made him take a DNA test and proved that he is his. I let him see his son but he says it's not enough he wants 50/50 custody I said no he said he will be asking for that later he said can he sleep over or spend a few days at his I said we need to work up to that my son is 3 months he only knows me and I don't know you.
he won't tell me if he knows how to look after a child so I have no clue and will not just give him my child this soon

The latest is that he wants to go on the birth certificate and give him his last name I said no he said he's going to take me to court

How likely is it that a judge will grant him any of his demands? Am I being unreasonable? He has been having supervised visits and as soon as he shows he can look after his Child I've told him he can have him alone but he's been in my son's life since Tuesday and I think he's rushing things.

If he was to take me to court for custody how likely are they to grant him 50/50 and if not 50% what would they give him?

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 07/08/2023 23:51

Are you breastfeeding?

Tannedandfake · 07/08/2023 23:54

He won’t get 50/50 at such a young age, but he can apply to be added to the BC, which would then give him PR rights

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/08/2023 23:55

He will be able to have his name added to the birth certificate. He probably won't be permitted to change the child's name, and it's unlikely he'll get 50/50 at that age.

Original poster
Worriedjo · 07/08/2023 23:59

No formula 😔

OP posts:
Tired6789 · 08/08/2023 00:02

I don't know much about it but I don't think the name of a child can be changed unless both parents agree. At the moment if his name isn't on the birth certificate he doesn't have parental rights but I think he just needs to follow a process to get that. I would be really surprised with the baby so young if he would get 50/50. Get legal advice as soon as you can

Original poster
Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 00:03

Tannedandfake · 07/08/2023 23:54

He won’t get 50/50 at such a young age, but he can apply to be added to the BC, which would then give him PR rights

Do you know how long that would take? I'm scared of him taking my child because the police can't do anything about it if he's on the birth certificate. And when would they give him 50/50? I think he just doesn't want to pay CSA

OP posts:
Kernsworld · 08/08/2023 00:04

Very easy for him to be added to the birth certificate. You won’t be able to stop that.
He will not be allowed to change the child’s name.

He probably won’t get 50/50 at this age but he’ll get decent visits and, if there are no problems, then there is no reason he won’t get it increased as the child grows. So you’re better working with him rather than fighting him, unless you have real concerns that he is a danger.

LittleOwl153 · 08/08/2023 00:05

Assuming your child is registered already he will not be able to change his name without your consent... so if he isn't registered get him done ASAP.

He will be allowed to build up spending time with his son but whilst he might get some alone time he likely won't get any over nights until child is much nearer to 2yrs.

Good luck it's a tough one starting out alone without this added stress.

LittleOwl153 · 08/08/2023 00:08

If you are scared he won't return him then court is a good thing. Make sure you get a lives with order with a penal clause - which means the police can act if he doesn't return baby at the appointed time. A lives with order also means you can take your child abroad for a couple of weeks without seeking his concent usually.

Original poster
Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 00:09

Kernsworld · 08/08/2023 00:04

Very easy for him to be added to the birth certificate. You won’t be able to stop that.
He will not be allowed to change the child’s name.

He probably won’t get 50/50 at this age but he’ll get decent visits and, if there are no problems, then there is no reason he won’t get it increased as the child grows. So you’re better working with him rather than fighting him, unless you have real concerns that he is a danger.

I've tried working with him he's only been in his life since Tuesday and he wants all of those. He will not show me that he knows how to look after my child. He keeps trying to tell me I'm an unfit mother and he'd do better than me. Which is not true. If he's on the birth certificate can he stop me from going on holiday? He also loves in a one bedroom flat and I live in a 3 bedroom. I don't mind sharing custody later but this soon is crazy and never 50/50

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 08/08/2023 00:12

If you get a Child Arrangement Order then you can have a clause added allowing you to take the child on holiday abroad without his permission for up to 28 days per year.

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 00:14

He is very unlikely to actually get off his arse and do any of it.

He would get PR, then contact would build progressively over a ling time. He is unlikely to get overnights in the first 13 months or longer. Think about it realistically- does he work? If so, how is he going to manage 50/50? Who would be providing childcare exacting? He’d have to fund that.

He’s just trying to get to you. The novelty will wear off and he’ll end up doing a few odd weekends when it doesn’t get in the way of his social life.

But get legal advice and let him crack on via court. He will very likely disappear when he realises he’ll actually have to pay and you won’t just give in to his demands. It’s just control.

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 00:17

Sorry for the typos, it’s late. I really wouldn’t give him much headspace. It’s been a week, he’s just talking shite. Just nod and smile and get yourself a good solicitor for him to go via.

I bet you he is a whole lot less interested after that.

Somanycats · 08/08/2023 00:18

He is quite likely to be given twoish nights a week between one and two years and 50:50 custody thereafter. Obviously he will be allowed to be named on the birth certificate. The child has every right to have a relationship with him. This all depends if he actually wants custody or is just being bloody minded

Tannedandfake · 08/08/2023 00:25

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 00:14

He is very unlikely to actually get off his arse and do any of it.

He would get PR, then contact would build progressively over a ling time. He is unlikely to get overnights in the first 13 months or longer. Think about it realistically- does he work? If so, how is he going to manage 50/50? Who would be providing childcare exacting? He’d have to fund that.

He’s just trying to get to you. The novelty will wear off and he’ll end up doing a few odd weekends when it doesn’t get in the way of his social life.

But get legal advice and let him crack on via court. He will very likely disappear when he realises he’ll actually have to pay and you won’t just give in to his demands. It’s just control.

Completely agree

Original poster
Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 06:36

LittleOwl153 · 08/08/2023 00:05

Assuming your child is registered already he will not be able to change his name without your consent... so if he isn't registered get him done ASAP.

He will be allowed to build up spending time with his son but whilst he might get some alone time he likely won't get any over nights until child is much nearer to 2yrs.

Good luck it's a tough one starting out alone without this added stress.

Yes he is registered. I wish I knew this for certain because this is perfectly fine. I do want my child to have a father I'm just worried to leave him with a man who knows nothing about kids. I'm really worried it's the fact that I don't know what's going to happen that scares the life out of me, he doesn't seem to care about my child it's just seems like revenge. He's given me till the 11th August to put his name on the birth certificate or he's taking me to court 😔

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 08/08/2023 06:45

I’d let him take you to court as it’s much better to have everything in writing

Original poster
Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 06:46

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 00:14

He is very unlikely to actually get off his arse and do any of it.

He would get PR, then contact would build progressively over a ling time. He is unlikely to get overnights in the first 13 months or longer. Think about it realistically- does he work? If so, how is he going to manage 50/50? Who would be providing childcare exacting? He’d have to fund that.

He’s just trying to get to you. The novelty will wear off and he’ll end up doing a few odd weekends when it doesn’t get in the way of his social life.

But get legal advice and let him crack on via court. He will very likely disappear when he realises he’ll actually have to pay and you won’t just give in to his demands. It’s just control.

I really do think he's going to do it he said yesterday he makes way more money than me he doesn't want to take the food out of his child's mouth to take me to court but he will if he has to. He works from home and has told me he won't pay for child care he'll look after the baby and work at the same time.
That's what scares me about this he's a massive control freak and he's smart he's wording everything so it looks like all he wants is time with his child but I know he just doesn't want to pay CSA
I'm going to citizens advice today because the stress of not knowing the outcome is messing with my sleep.

OP posts:
VinEtFromage · 08/08/2023 06:48

@Worriedjo he's a bullying Cunt. I agree with others saying it's most likely he's saying all of this do he doesn't have to pay!

just tell the prick you'll see him in court.

id stop allowing him contact at your home too, tell him he'll have to sort out a supervised contact centre .

Dont let him bully you.

Doidontimmm · 08/08/2023 06:50

You can’t know the outcome though until court, there is no one outcome.

Most employers won’t allow employees to look after a child whilst working & he will quickly figure out if he tried its impossible.

He will get contact but please don’t worry re 50/50 now, it’s very unlikely as a baby.

nevynevster · 08/08/2023 06:51

Just let him take you to court. It's going to be a lot of costs for him and I suspect he won't bother! But even if he does you can then ensure everything is written down. Your DC won't have 50/50 at this young age and especially not if you are bf.

I know it all seems very stressful right now but honestly if he's a twat then actually a court is the best place as then he'll be obliged to abide by the court order and they'll take a different view and make sure his demands are reasonable and in best interests of child

99redballoons123 · 08/08/2023 07:03

You want him to take you to court. Have everything in black and white ad then he's bound by the court order. He will be put on the birth certificate but don't do it before the court does. He won't be able to change the name of your child but he will get decent visitation building up to 50/50 ish in a few years in all likelihood. Unless of course he is a serious threat to your child.
With pr he will have equal rights and be able to influence things like schools, travel, medical treatment etc I'm afraid. But as it's his baby that's his right and in the long term better for your child hopefully to have a involved father.

matchamate · 08/08/2023 07:04

Personally I would contact him via email if possible and offer to attend mediation to discuss.

Then just say ok ill wait for the court letter. And keep it at that - get a solicitor.

I think its incredibly unlikely he will get 50/50 at this age. The size of your house is only relevant if he's trying to argue you can't look after your child.

I think he's trying to pressure you to drop the CMS so he can pay you less personally. Don't give in.

chekaboo · 08/08/2023 07:22

Were you in a relationship with this man?
He sounds like a nasty piece of work so I'd advise writing everything he says and does down so you have a diary of it.
If you were in a relationship and there were incidents it may be relevant

Go to citizens advice and do everything on record and by the book, he will soon lose interest when he realises he has to actually put in effort, it's 💯 about money and control and it's vile.
Hope you are ok x

sashh · 08/08/2023 07:58

I'd start making a paper trail, send email rather than talking on the phone.

Ask questions that will make him realise he isn't ready.

Does he have a cot? If so does he have bedding?

Does he know what formula you are using?

Does he know the vaccination schedule?

Is he working? How will he cope with broken nights?

Has he bought any nappies? Does he know how to change a baby? Does he have a changing bag?

He's not interested in having 50/50 it's a tactic some men use to have power, its an ego trip.

IF he takes you to court and you can prove his home isn't suitable for a child and he has no baby stuff no court is going to give him 50/50.