Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My childs father wants to take me to court

47 replies

Worriedjo · 07/08/2023 23:44

When I was pregnant my childs father was horrible to me called me all kind of names and told me to have an abortion then said the baby isn't his I blocked him because the rudeness was too much.
My son was born and CSA made him take a DNA test and proved that he is his. I let him see his son but he says it's not enough he wants 50/50 custody I said no he said he will be asking for that later he said can he sleep over or spend a few days at his I said we need to work up to that my son is 3 months he only knows me and I don't know you.
he won't tell me if he knows how to look after a child so I have no clue and will not just give him my child this soon

The latest is that he wants to go on the birth certificate and give him his last name I said no he said he's going to take me to court

How likely is it that a judge will grant him any of his demands? Am I being unreasonable? He has been having supervised visits and as soon as he shows he can look after his Child I've told him he can have him alone but he's been in my son's life since Tuesday and I think he's rushing things.

If he was to take me to court for custody how likely are they to grant him 50/50 and if not 50% what would they give him?

OP posts:

ChiPawPrint · 08/08/2023 08:04

LittleOwl153 · 08/08/2023 00:08

If you are scared he won't return him then court is a good thing. Make sure you get a lives with order with a penal clause - which means the police can act if he doesn't return baby at the appointed time. A lives with order also means you can take your child abroad for a couple of weeks without seeking his concent usually.

The police won't even get involved with a penal notice attached to an order as it has no police powers. The penal notice enables the other party to apply for contempt of court, so it's a harsher sanction than an enforcement order.

Hibiscrubbed · 08/08/2023 08:12

he's been in my son's life since Tuesday and I think he's rushing things.

He’s a fucking bully. And a stupid one.

Allow him to try for ale you to court.

Document everything from him. All abusive messages, all correspondence, timelines, etc.

Change nothing. Do not allow him to take your child unsupervised.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/08/2023 08:15

Stop talking to him AT ALL

Don't let him see or pick up the baby

Let him go to court to sort it (he may not) - he's bullying you

Block him on all platforms, call police if he turns up at your house

He can go through legal channels if he wants this resolved - YOU don't HAVE to do ANYTHING right now

LIZS · 08/08/2023 08:22

He's all talk. Probably in response to cms, I doubt he will follow this up when he realises how much is involved. You can't just add him to birth certificate, or give him 50/50 care and it is very unlikely a court will order it for a baby. How well did you know him pre pg? Does he work?

BoohooWoohoo · 08/08/2023 08:23

Let him take you to court. It's best to have everything officially documented when dealing with an abuser plus there's a chance he won't bother paying legal fees and going through the process- especially when he doesn't get what he wants overnight.

With family court there's no hard and fast rules like 50/50 can't start before 13 months or whatever but I've not read a story here where an under 1 is away from mum 50% of the time and I've been here many years.

It's not possible for you to add him on the bc before the deadline. Let him take you to court and cooperate with the process.

I'd initially push for using a contact centre so he can be observed parenting. If he consistently turns up to that then he'll be granted unsupervised but it might help you deal with the question of how to know he's not totally clueless.

Soontobe60 · 08/08/2023 08:27

You need to stop having this communication with him. When he visits with the baby, do so in a public place - a cafe for example. Set the boundaries. So tell him if he starts to threaten you with court etc you will be taking the baby home. You need to be very strong here because he is being very manipulative.
Id advise you to have a one-off appointment with a family solicitor so they can clarify all your options. That way, you’ll have the facts about what the baby’s father can or can’t do. Knowledge is power and at the moment you don’t have that power because you don’t have the knowledge.
I’d suggest you draw up a timeline. EG:
twice weekly meeting 1 hour in a public place until baby is 6 months old
2 hours twice weekly taking baby out (eg soft play) without you present until baby is 1
3 hours visit twice weekly until baby is I8 months old - not whilst father is working
1 afternoon / overnight weekly from 18 months - not whilst father is working

If he does take this to court, then they would see that you’ve thought about how to build up time with the father, that you’re considering your child’s needs and that you’re being proactive. It’s far better that there is a court order in place anyway, as then if the father does refuse to return the baby at any point, the police can act.
‘I’m assuming you’ve applied to CSA for maintenance?

ChiPawPrint · 08/08/2023 08:30

@Soontobe60 Just want to reiterate for anyone else reading, the police don't get involved in child contact disputes if both have PR. Even if there's a court order.

jazzhands84 · 08/08/2023 08:36

Bless him. You can't just add a father to a birth certificate willy nilly otherwise a considerable number of us would put George Clooney and hope for the best.

Livinghappy · 08/08/2023 08:37

He works from home and has told me he won't pay for child care he'll look after the baby and work at the same time

Ha! Hope he says this in court as he will look so foolish and irresponsible.

You don't have to fear court, especially as you are being reasonable and he isn't.

As others say, you can send a timeline to him to build up contact. Perhaps consult your midwife to suggest appropriate times but I don't think you should be away from your baby at such a young age.

Suggest mediation as this is a requirement before court or just wait for him to follow through with court. He will be told mediation is required beforehand anyway! If he seeks legal advice a reputable solicitor will tell him that he has to work WITH you not threaten you.

I doubt he has had legal advice as he is just bullying you.

You could get advice from right for women

Original poster

Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 09:29

BoohooWoohoo · 08/08/2023 00:12

If you get a Child Arrangement Order then you can have a clause added allowing you to take the child on holiday abroad without his permission for up to 28 days per year.

Ok this is good to know as I have holidays booked and he is trying to stop me going

OP posts:

Original poster

Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 09:33

VinEtFromage · 08/08/2023 06:48

@Worriedjo he's a bullying Cunt. I agree with others saying it's most likely he's saying all of this do he doesn't have to pay!

just tell the prick you'll see him in court.

id stop allowing him contact at your home too, tell him he'll have to sort out a supervised contact centre .

Dont let him bully you.

He only has contact in public but I'm going to look into these contact centres maybe that will be the better choice for us. He is a bully and a control freak and I'm trying not to get sucked in but it's really hard not to stress when I know nothing about the law and I'm trying to protect my baby

OP posts:

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 09:34

Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 06:46

I really do think he's going to do it he said yesterday he makes way more money than me he doesn't want to take the food out of his child's mouth to take me to court but he will if he has to. He works from home and has told me he won't pay for child care he'll look after the baby and work at the same time.
That's what scares me about this he's a massive control freak and he's smart he's wording everything so it looks like all he wants is time with his child but I know he just doesn't want to pay CSA
I'm going to citizens advice today because the stress of not knowing the outcome is messing with my sleep.

Show quote history

The court will not allow him to work and look after a baby at the same time. He will get laughed out.

It’s all bullying tactics. He wants you to think
he will do it. He expects you to give in to him. Let the courts decide, the backlog for a start is absolutely massive in most places. He’ll be lucky to het a hearing before your child is 1.

Original poster

Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 09:42

chekaboo · 08/08/2023 07:22

Were you in a relationship with this man?
He sounds like a nasty piece of work so I'd advise writing everything he says and does down so you have a diary of it.
If you were in a relationship and there were incidents it may be relevant

Go to citizens advice and do everything on record and by the book, he will soon lose interest when he realises he has to actually put in effort, it's 💯 about money and control and it's vile.
Hope you are ok x

No we were dating for a year and he lied the whole time I just recently found out he's 15 years older than me he lied about his age. He really is a piece of shit he knows his child is well taken care of but he's still doing this he doesn't even care about the impact of me stressing because of his threats could have on our child

OP posts:

Original poster

Worriedjo · 08/08/2023 09:45

ChiPawPrint · 08/08/2023 08:04

Show quote history

See this scares me because that means I would have to go back to court to get him back and who knows how long that takes

OP posts:

Hubblebubble · 08/08/2023 18:37

Court is your friend. Let him apply. You're more likely to end up with gradual contact, starting in supervised contact centers.

JibbaJab · 08/08/2023 20:36

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I don't have much to add other than yes if was taken, you're pretty screwed. Although, not sure how that would work with a child that young. Mine are being withheld by mother, I can't do anything but wait for court. Going to be five months by then, it's insane.

MissJoGrant · 08/08/2023 20:47

jazzhands84 · 08/08/2023 08:36

Bless him. You can't just add a father to a birth certificate willy nilly otherwise a considerable number of us would put George Clooney and hope for the best.

OP's ex has had a DNA test.

jazzhands84 · 08/08/2023 20:51

The point I was making is I believe the father has to be present at the registry to be added to the certificate. The OP can't just add someone to the certificate otherwise it would be open to abuse.

Mrburnshound · 08/08/2023 20:59

He sounds awful and doubt he will go through with court.

Do you think if you dropped your CMS claim he would disappear? I ,know, it's his responsibility to the child but might be a way to avoid having to deal with this awful man for 18 years?

blackbeardsballsack · 08/08/2023 21:28

So he's a bully, has only met his son for the first time a few days ago, clearly had to be forced to contribute financially given it's a CMS claim with DNA test, and constantly says stupid things such as that he wants to deprive his son of a holiday and will work from home with baby on his knee.

He's got no chance of 50 50. I doubt he will take you to court but he will have egg on his face if he does because none of it is going to go the way he expects it to. Don't be frightened of court, I would welcome it. It will mean that everyone is clear about what they can and can't do, and he will have saved you the court application fees.

Rathouse · 08/08/2023 22:19

You need to contact CMS so he pays for his child. Nobody can just apply to the courts. First step is family mediation is he applies and you refuse to engage in family mediation or you can't agree together. The mediator then gives the person who applied so him a c100 form to apply to court. However this would cost him..perhaps he's just bluffing.

SquishyGloopyBum · 08/08/2023 22:25

He's abusing you. I think you should get sone suppprt from women's aid.

Don't give into his requests for PR, let him take you to court for it. And he can't change the child's name.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread