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Lone parents

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Original poster

telephone contact with absent parent

60 replies

msann · 14/12/2004 13:06

ex wants twice weekly telephone contact with our two girls (5 & 7) hes only recently resumed contact (6 months ago) after 18 months without seeing them. hes taking me to court to get telephone contact...any1 with previous experience? any1 else who wud b against the idea like me?

OP posts:
Caligulights · 14/12/2004 13:46

Yes, the courts are great, aren't they? The fact that you're being forced to send your precious children into an unsafe environment is neither here nor there, their "right" to be sent there is paramount.

Why are you not allowed to complain about the issues of passive smoking and the assault? Can you keep a diary of these?

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 13:46

oh my god! waterworks r on now.... had actually thought id get loadsa support if i cant find any1 on here who understands then how the @*%@ am i going to get the court to understand?

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Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 13:48

i have a diary which ive kept since he left 2.5yrs ago....no solicitor or any1 for that matter will look at it...it contains details of every visit, no show, broken promise etc etc...mite have well have written it on loo paper & wiped my bum with it for all its worth!

OP posts:
Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 13:50

the children have complained to welfare officer & school teacher about smoking. ex says its my opinion that im forcing upon them. both school teacher & welfare officer disagree with his comment. with ref to the assault i have informed solicitor (who did nothing but note it down) & welfare officer. welfare officer broached the subject with ex...he denied it ever happened... funny tho...my daughter can tell u details down to what was used to hit the woman, who said what, who picked up & ran off with a child in the same house as they were in etc etc

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Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 13:56

ok i ranted on so much every1 buggered off & left me

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aloha · 14/12/2004 13:59

How long were you together msann? When did he leave? Were the girls upset when he stopped contacting them? Did he ever give a reason? Was he always the same?

gothicsanta · 14/12/2004 14:00

I am back - perhpas if you wrote down the reasons why you are aginst teh phone contact and then prioritise them it would help you get your concerns across in a better way it seems there is quite alot going on and it is far more than your initial post showed.
Alternatively you could try and find a way which gives you control over times atc. perhaps teh girls phone him,would this be a better solution for you

aloha · 14/12/2004 14:03

Also, I really hate smoking myself and wouldn't like ds to go to a smoky environment so I do sympathise, but I don't think the courts would prevent contact because a parent smokes, and certainly it wouldn't be an argument against telephone contact (obviously) so that's a bit of a red herring. I hate it because I know I probably sound as if I am 'against' you, but I'm really not. But you obviously have a lot more going on that was in your initial posts.

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:06

we were together 6 yrs. he left 2.5yrs ago @ my request because he didnt contribute financially or emotionally & he was (is) a cannabis smoker. he saw the girls irregularly to begin with - mostly when I picked him up from work & dropped him off at his house afterwards. He stopped seeing them 18 months ago 4 no reason. the girls NEVER asked to see him & were v happy, they progressed exceptionally well at school (both 2 yrs above average) & things are now going down hill since he started contact 6 moths ago - especially behaviourally. he restarted contact due to getting a new gf who pushed him to do so

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Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:08

the smoking bit of this thread is what i am using to back up my rejection of extra holiday contact...my arguements against this are 1) passive smoking 2) witnessin assault - unsafe environment 3) no fixed abode - so no stable environment

OP posts:
Caligulights · 14/12/2004 14:08

It makes me so angry that the courts allow men to pick up and drop contact whenever they feel like it. This just simply should not be allowed. When his new gf goes, will he drop contact again?

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:09

my sentiments entirely caligulights - which is why i dont not wish to give him all this extra contact & telephone contact....because shud it all disappear then i fear this will greatly damaged the kids

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aloha · 14/12/2004 14:10

I'm really sorry. He seems an arse to be frank. Horrible just to drop them for 18months with no reason at all. Did he just start letting them down or what? Anyway, I do suspect the court may allow telephone contact - maybe once a week. Of course, you don't have to answer the phone... but is there any way it could be made to be less horrible for you, do you think, if the court does order it?

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:12

unfortunately they way i feel is that if the court do order it i will refuse to adhere to it & i'll suffer the consequences...stupid maybe...but as i said i just cannot physically or mentally cope with him 'entering' my space in this way, i will feel that i am at his beck & call

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Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:13

he let them down on & off for 1st yr, then my parents took them on hol for a break - he never turned up 4 contact or telephoned or wrote or anything after that

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Caligulights · 14/12/2004 14:18

What do you think the courts will do to you if you deny contact msann?

gothicsanta · 14/12/2004 14:46

can you explain how you feel to teh welfare officer and ask taht any order allows to retain an element of control so taht you can cope adn also ask taht something is put in place to help your children should contact cease again. the welfare of the children wil be teh court paramount concern and it shoudl sek to find out their wishes and feelings

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 14:54

i think if i refuse telephone contact the court will have no way of enforcing it?

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gothicsanta · 14/12/2004 14:57

I think you need to show your self to be the reasonable parent put aside you r anger adn speak to someone at the court about it all or you r solicitor It may not happen you need to calmly sate all of your concerns which surround this issue and also ask tehm to look at anything else which concerns you.

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 15:03

i feel i am being a reasonable parent. i am allowing regular contact (fortnightly) & special occasion contact despite all the points i have raised about his unrelaibility/unsafe environment etc etc. when will he stop asking for more? when will the courts stop giving him more? when will i be able to go to bed on a night without worrying what will be the next thing he demands?

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Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 15:04

it seems that despite all the bad/unlawful things he has being doing/done in the past HE gets what HE wants....when will i get heard? i am doing what i believe is best for MY children!

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aloha · 14/12/2004 15:04

Do you know anything about his girlfriend, the one who has encouraged him to resume contact? Do you think she might be trying to make him a better person (she says, hopefully)?

gothicsanta · 14/12/2004 15:06

It does seem desparately unfair I don't know how you can get your voice heard other than through your solicitor or teh welfare officer.

Original poster
msann · 14/12/2004 15:08

his girlfriend has 2 children to 2 different fathers - one of these fathers is continually present at her address where my ex has his contact with my children (confused u yet?!) she has told my eldest to lie to me (about some high heeled shoes she gave her - dd1 saw this & told me that she was told to lie) she has also fed them with tales about how she will b their step mum!!! This is despite the fact she has told the welfare officer that her relationship with my ex is still 'maturing' & she has no plans of living with him!!!

OP posts:
aloha · 14/12/2004 15:15

Oh dear. It does all seem a bit low-lifey. I wonder why she pushed him into wanting more contact. I can see why you find it oppressive.

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