Page 3 | Explaining ex's new baby to toddler

Gummiesnail · 2023-07-25T15:10:43+00:00

My ex left for a woman he met at work January of this year. He has now told me that they are expecting a baby in November. Ex and I have a 2.5 year old and I don't even know how to approach explaining to a toddler that his dad is having a baby with a stranger. Has anyone else been through this and have any suggestions? Or any toddler books or TV shows that might in any way help?

heldinadream · 26/07/2023 09:12

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Faith in him? That's an interesting take, the man sounds like a total fuck-up.

OP I'd be surprised if his new relationship even lasts given how shaky its beginnings are. You are absolutely right to be thinking in terms of how to protect your son from the fall-out of all of this. It seems to me that you will be your child's rock, the one that's always there and that he can feel secure with. But I agree with posters who say there's nothing to be said yet, it's a bit too soon. And I'm someone who very much operates on a basis of preparing children for things when you can.

Bide your time and read up on stuff. You sound like you are fully capable of handling this. Best of luck.

buzzlightyearsgloves · 26/07/2023 09:12

I had this situation, DC was 3. I completely over thought it and actually at that age they just take it in their stride. DC couldn't have been less interested in the conversation I had planned and actually didn't really understand what any of it meant until their was a physical baby. Sending big hugs though, even if there's no feelings there it still flaws you x

Original poster

Gummiesnail · 26/07/2023 09:13

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 09:09

It's quite possible he's not even going to meet the baby, or not in a early sibling way. He doesn't have him much and doesn't live with Mom and future baby. If be wary of bigging up getting a baby until you know of baby will even be in his life

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I'm not sure how early this would happen but I have spoken to girlfriend about the children having a relationship. I don't want him to have a sibling in the world that he doesn't know

OP posts:

TeddyBeans · 26/07/2023 09:14

Not quite the same situation as DS was 2 months shy of 5 years old when DD was born but we started talking to him about new baby as soon as we got the all clear on the 12 week scan. We and school are starting to think he may be neurodiverse so we wanted him to be prepared as much as possible. He knew there was a baby in my tummy and the baby would cry and make noises that might make him jump (he doesn't do well with sudden loud noises). We would talk to him every day about baby and he'd kiss my tummy goodnight etc.

I guess your best bet would be to have a chat, just say daddy's having a new baby and DS is going to be a big brother. Point out babies whenever you see them and tell DS that daddy's baby will be that small, make that noise, like those toys etc. Just be as positive as you can about it but prepare him for the practical stuff. From your posts it seems highly likely his dad will cancel seeing DS for a good few weeks until the dust has started to settle at home. Hopefully with your being a constant positive influence and his dad introducing them slowly!! (Possible if new GF doesn't live with him?) DS will probably be just fine with the new baby

Reugny · 26/07/2023 09:17

Gummiesnail · 26/07/2023 09:13

I'm not sure how early this would happen but I have spoken to girlfriend about the children having a relationship. I don't want him to have a sibling in the world that he doesn't know

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You may have to wait until your son at least is at school.

I know people who met their siblings later in their life. The earliest was when the children were at primary school and it took the mothers to facilitate their relationship with one another until the children were old enough to sort themselves out.

Original poster

Gummiesnail · 26/07/2023 09:17

heldinadream · 26/07/2023 09:12

Faith in him? That's an interesting take, the man sounds like a total fuck-up.

OP I'd be surprised if his new relationship even lasts given how shaky its beginnings are. You are absolutely right to be thinking in terms of how to protect your son from the fall-out of all of this. It seems to me that you will be your child's rock, the one that's always there and that he can feel secure with. But I agree with posters who say there's nothing to be said yet, it's a bit too soon. And I'm someone who very much operates on a basis of preparing children for things when you can.

Bide your time and read up on stuff. You sound like you are fully capable of handling this. Best of luck.

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I'm finding it interesting how other people's experiences are clearly colouring their assumptions.

Could be bitter ex talking but I really don't see the relationship lasting for various reasons.

Getting myself prepared was what I meant with this post. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gummiesnail · 26/07/2023 09:20

buzzlightyearsgloves · 26/07/2023 09:12

I had this situation, DC was 3. I completely over thought it and actually at that age they just take it in their stride. DC couldn't have been less interested in the conversation I had planned and actually didn't really understand what any of it meant until their was a physical baby. Sending big hugs though, even if there's no feelings there it still flaws you x

Thank you for sharing your experience! It's really reassuring.

I think im just feeling overly anxious because my own feelings of growing up with divorced parents.

OP posts:

User68253 · 26/07/2023 15:35

At 2, I really don't think they have the capacity to understand, so I don't think you need to. Or at least mine wouldn't have asked ant questions or understood any explanations at 2. I'd suggest he introduce the girlfriend slowly and they can explain about the baby when she has a very obvious big tummy. I wouldn't be surprised if the big tummy happens sooner than you think... Very quick pregnancy... It seems suspicious that the due date is 10 months from when he left, I wouldn't be surprised if baby comes early.