Explaining ex's new baby to toddler

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My ex left for a woman he met at work January of this year. He has now told me that they are expecting a baby in November. Ex and I have a 2.5 year old and I don't even know how to approach explaining to a toddler that his dad is having a baby with a stranger.

Has anyone else been through this and have any suggestions? Or any toddler books or TV shows that might in any way help?

Has your toddler met Daddy's partner? Tbh I'd let the ex explain.

How involved is he and how often sees his son?

Presumably it’s something that he would like to tell his son first

I wouldn’t say anything at all at this point. His dad and partner can tell him when they are ready to do so and really no need until she is visibly showing and he is asking questions.

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins toddler has never met the new partner.

@Beachside82 he has him from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon at the moment and for 1.5 hours on a Wednesday. This gets cancelled or shortened often when he wants to do something else though

You will understandably be very very hurt and angry

you are not the best person to address this OP. Back off. Your ex will tell him when he thinks it’s appropriate

He has never met the woman. So there would be no questions to ask until there was already a baby. I want to try and lessen the shock of that transition. I know there are books about mummy having a new baby buy didn't know if there were any that could work more for this situation

Unfortunately, my ex will just not deal with it and I'm trying to lesson the damage to my son. He will just show him the baby once it's here and think that will be fine. He's already said he doesn't know why that plan isn't ok.

OP you don't need to tell your child that their father is having a baby at all.

Young children don't have proper concepts of time added to that they haven't met the pregnant woman.

@Reugny I'm not planning to tell him about the baby. There will however be a response once there is actually a baby, which he will meet. Just trying to lessen the negative impact and disruption it might cause

Tell your son a month before the baby is due.

To be fair I learnt about my younger half-siblings from my dad as a teen when they were born. (In my case and my older siblings is because my dad didn't want to be slagged off by us. )

The young adults, as they are now, are no reflection on my dad's shit parenting mainly because they had better influences in their lives.

Not ideal

but that would be fine too

Most of those books stem from the fact that having a new baby in the household is a huge upheaval in a child’s life. Given your DS’s very young age the little amount of time he spends with his dad and that he hasn’t met the OW, I’m not sure how much he even needs to know about dad having a baby with another woman. Suspect trying to explain it would give more confusion and harm than just leaving it until he has questions.

This is the age my son was when I had my second and to be honest they have zero concept of it.

You can get some books about being a big brother that may help.

I know your hurt but there is little you can do. Your exs plan given the age I'd actually not horrendous. Just be there to calmly answer any questions DS may have

Agree. Would be horrendous with an older child but not terrible with a child of this age.

I'm just worried that there will be an upheaval when he visits daddy and suddenly there is a new baby there, taking away his attention. I would like there to be a positive relationship between the children, as they are not responsible for the decisions of the adults involved.

I'm just trying to make a plan for how best to make it easier for him to have some kind of understanding.

I expect your ex will cancel the visits.

I did explain that I do not intend to tell him. I am looking for advice for how to deal with potential fall out once the baby is here. That might be a lifetime away for him, but it isn't for me and I want to be prepared.

You are making assumptions about "poisonous" relationships when actually you have no background at all. I have been working to promote a healthy relationship between father and son. Ex already cancels visits on the if he's been invited to the pub or offered extra shifts at work. I might be wrong but its highly likely he will cancel because of the baby and I'm aware this may build resentment once my toddler is aware of this. I want to build a foundation of having a new baby being a positive thing.

Ex and his new girlfriend are welcome to do what they like, I just want to protect and make this transition as easy as possible for my son.

I honestly don't think your toddler is going to understand much which is probably a blessing.

I didn’t find out my ex was having a baby until the CMS claim was updated! Dd was around the same age.

Honestly she was fine. If she brought up her sister I’d talk to her about it. But there was no drama or trauma. She’s 6 now and it’s just another part of her life. I do think you’re really over thinking this. It won’t be as bad as you think it will be.

Coming from the “new woman” in this situation… my partner did this. He waited till our baby had been born before his son met me properly. It damaged his son a lot, he was so so confused. It would have been much better to have let him get to know me a bit first. I’ve now been with my partner 4 years and we have my step son regularly, he still isn’t “settled” with us like he should be and I believe that’s partly his mothers fault as she alienates him, bur also my partners fault for not doing things right in the beginning. So if your ex won’t step up then you should definitely prepare your son.

That is a pretty ignorant comment.

There is always an emotional response once a new child joins a family. Toddlers are still human beings with human emotions.