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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Child's father was asking for a DNA test

29 replies

Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 11:07

So my daughter's dad and I separated before she was born. He met someone (who had a child of her own) and I never heard anything more from him. He was aware the child was born but has never met her and is not on the birth certificate.
Last year he decided to get a lawyer to try and get on the birth certificate (of the child who is now nearly 4 and never even seen him once). As he is not on the certificate he had to ask for a dna test first. My lawyer and I agreed to allow that and then we heard nothing back. Three months have now gone since agreed to do it and still no word to the point that my lawyer can only assume that he's changed his mind about going forward with it.
My question is...just because its so baffling to me that he dropped it when he was getting what he wanted...anyone got any clue why? Why do you think he changed his mind last minute? I've had no contact with the guy in 4 years but from the little I know, he's still with the same woman and certainly has no money problems...so it's weird he'd just drop the whole thing and go back into hiding again.

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TheFlis12345 · 03/05/2023 11:08

He probably realised he would have to pay maintenance if it was proved that he is the father.

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 11:20

@TheFlis12345 That's what people keep saying but he's a pretty well off guy with a decent job so if he was really interested in getting to know her then I don't think money issues would put him off. For example, the lawyer he was using was one of the more expensive ones.

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mamnotmum · 03/05/2023 11:29

He wanted a fight? And you didn't give him one - you must said 'yes' to his request and that's not what he expected?!

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 11:32

@mamnotmum That's a possibility. He's with his partner and her kid and we've had no contact in years so you'd think he'd have better things to do than try to wind me up but yeah...that is a possibility with him.

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honeybunsleo · 03/05/2023 11:54

TheFlis12345 · 03/05/2023 11:08

He probably realised he would have to pay maintenance if it was proved that he is the father.

The mother doesn't need a dna test or for the father to be on the birth cert to open a child maintenance claim. Once the claim is open it's up to the father to prove he is or isn't the father by completing a dna test. They will still make him pay until that point.

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honeybunsleo · 03/05/2023 11:55

Weird, maybe after PR but why?

From this though I'd open a Child maintenance claim. He is the father after all

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 13:26

@honeybunsleo oh really? I didn't know that, I thought they had to be on the birth certificate.

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 13:34

@honeybunsleo yes it seems he was aiming for PR but then changed his mind on the whole thing. Even my lawyer is confused by his behaviour as apparently him and his lawyer were initially quite pushy and demanding a quick reply and then when he got it he disappeared.

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titchy · 03/05/2023 13:35

Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 13:26

@honeybunsleo oh really? I didn't know that, I thought they had to be on the birth certificate.

No! So put in a claim!

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 17:03

Thanks @titchy x

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Namechange224422 · 03/05/2023 17:36

I reckon he’s told his new partner that you’ve stopped him seeing the child. That new partner has pushed him to see a lawyer. He was expecting you to refuse so that he had evidence of your refusal and has been stumped by you saying yes.

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Orangejuice30 · 03/05/2023 20:40

@Namechange224422 yes I do know that he told her I was preventing him seeing the baby, he told her that before baby was born (despite the fact I have texts saying I was happy for him to be involved and never tried to exclude him, it was him that decided to walk away)
It's been so many years without him showing any interest that I'd love to know what prompted him to try now and then what made him change his mind. It might just remain a mystery forever.

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Orangejuice30 · 04/05/2023 17:36

Thanks for your advice and ideas guys 😊

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Hubblebubble · 10/05/2023 19:40

My sons father did this. I said sure, but you can pay for the insult. Funnily enough he no longer needed one when he realised he'd have to pay.

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Hubblebubble · 10/05/2023 19:41

However, as money isn't an issue here it's a mystery.

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Beautyhoard · 10/05/2023 19:47

Why oh why oh why are you not claiming your daughters money from him?

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XBealtaine · 10/05/2023 20:59

I think he had convinced himself he wasn't the father, or wasn't definitely the father. He lost sight of the fact that he was in a sexual relationship with you when you got pregnant. He half expected you to get defensive when he made the request, but you said yeh sure.

So now he's deciding if he wants to pay maintenance. Now he's hiding assets or upping his pension contributions.

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Pallisers · 10/05/2023 21:17

Namechange224422 · 03/05/2023 17:36

I reckon he’s told his new partner that you’ve stopped him seeing the child. That new partner has pushed him to see a lawyer. He was expecting you to refuse so that he had evidence of your refusal and has been stumped by you saying yes.

It is definitely this imo.

He has probably lied to her and told her you refused the dna test.

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Orangejuice30 · 12/05/2023 20:27

@Hubblebubble yeah I've chatted with a couple of lawyers that specialise in family law and none of then can figure out why this guy was going crazy trying to get a DNA test and access one minute and then fell of the earth the next. Especially because he put alot of money into the law firm he used and I had agreed to it so wasn't going to cost him a fortune in court fees. All very strange.

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CombatBarbie · 12/05/2023 20:30

He doesn't need to be on the bc for you to claim maintenance.... Why have you not done this!?

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Orangejuice30 · 12/05/2023 20:32

@Beautyhoard I know ill get eaten alive here for saying this but I was just happy to have him out my life. He was very bad to me during the relationship so I said to myself if he wants to be involved then I'll not stop him seeing her at all but he's had no interest up until now so I was happy just getting on with my life. He's obviously never offered any money or anything and I'm in the fortunate position that I don't need anything from him....so I've just kept myself to myself and got on with it.

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Orangejuice30 · 12/05/2023 20:34

@XBealtaine I didn't even think of that. That does sound like something he would do. Transfer everything over to his partner so I can't "get it".

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Orangejuice30 · 12/05/2023 20:39

@Pallisers tbh he has a bit of history that he possibly doesn't want his partner or employers finding out so that might have put him off aswell...he might be concerned that I'll say something. I don't know what his partner knows about the whole situation so there might be alot that he's realised it's better to keep hidden. I've still not heard a word from him or his lawyer and that's been a long time now.

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MakesMeFeelSad · 12/05/2023 20:44

Well you aren't entitled to anything he has so he'd have no need to transfer anything to anyone.

Your dd is entitled to a % of his take home pay whatever that is . He could stick more in his pension but if he's on a good wage anyway it's not going to matter much, unless he plans on leaving himself with no take home pay!

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Orangejuice30 · 12/05/2023 20:45

@CombatBarbie I'd been happy keeping him out of my life. I'd said in a previous comment that he was pretty awful to me during the relationship so I just wanted to lay low and get on with my life. If he reappears again and is wanting to be involved for real then I will of course claim but if that's him away back into his hole, never to be seen again, then I'm content to have nothing to do with him. I know the majority will disagree with that but he's not a nice guy so I'd rather keep my distance where possible.

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