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Original poster

Would you invite ex to child's birthday party?

29 replies

NeedSleepNow · 14/04/2023 10:47

My ex has been complaining to the kids that he is not invited to their birthday parties (usually either a small party at home with school friends or taking some friends out to an activity like bowling/trampolining etc) . I pay for the parties completely, he has never once offered to help financially, the children have never asked for him to be there (if they asked I would invite him), and he doesn't know any of their friends.

My son is having a few friends round to the house for pizza for his birthday and his Dad is angry I haven't invited him. Am I in the wrong for not inviting him? I think it would be a bit wierd for DS and his friends to have his Dad round here when he doesn't know any of the friends and he doesn't live here. DS is 13 and has said he absolutely does not want his Dad coming!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 14/04/2023 11:49

Broadbeachshallow · 14/04/2023 11:46

Inviting ex... Not beyond primary school, no.

Even in primary school... not when him being there is going to be awkward or uncomfortable, as the dc will notice. The day is about them, not him.

Letting himself into your home means that you need more boundaries, not fewer.

I wouldn't ask the dc either. Don't pass that decision onto them; it's a burden. Make it yourself.

If ex wants to do something special for their birthday, he can. No one is stopping him. He needs to build his own relationship and traditions with them, not hijack yours.

I have told him so many times that he needs to build his relationship with them and that I can not be responsible for that but he sees it as my responsibility.

OP posts:
QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 14/04/2023 11:52

NeedSleepNow · 14/04/2023 11:44

On their actual birthdays I have always invited him round to have a meal with the kids - he has come over each time and I have cooked dinner for him, the kids have shown him their presents etc. The parties haven't ever been on their actual birthdays

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You are being more than generous in doing this.

Broadbeachshallow · 14/04/2023 11:55

NeedSleepNow · 14/04/2023 11:49

I have told him so many times that he needs to build his relationship with them and that I can not be responsible for that but he sees it as my responsibility.

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I'm sure you have tried! It's not your fault that he hasn't.

But...maybe stop doing the work of being Dad for him? Don't invite him to the birthday tea for dc. He can do a special tea for them himself. Either on the day or the day after or before.

He may not ever try to become a Dad. Or maybe when you stop arranging it for him, he might step up.

I know it's hard when the dc want him to be their Dad, and you just want them to be happy. But you can't do it for him anymore. You're not his wife.

NotPrettyInPink23 · 14/04/2023 16:39

Eldest had a party with his friends and my family with me.
And then a party with his dads side.

Dsc same. They have 2 seperate celebrations. Although here it's more family orientated tbh.

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