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Original poster

So you talk to your child's dad

31 replies

purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 22:25

My child's dad won't talk to me
I really struggle with it.
We used to talk sometimes. Til he decided not to.
He ignores my texts.
Even when I've tried to talk about our child, he hasn't responded or it's been very obvious he won't get into anything.
Now it's gone to nothing.
Yes I struggle with it. I thought that we would at least communicate, even if nothing else.
I have found it really hard to have no one to talk to about our child at times.
I have found it really hard to be completely ignored.
I didn't think it would be like this

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 22:30

Supposed to say, #do you talk to your child's dad..

I guess people on here will tell me you don't need to

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Dontbelieveaword · 13/04/2023 22:32

So sorry you're finding this so tough.
How do you arrange DC contact if he won't even talk about your child?
What happens at pick ups and drop offs? Is it all done through a third party?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 13/04/2023 22:35

In situation like this, I guess it’s a blessing in disguise. I had the same with my DC’s dad to various degrees for 10 years. A while back he decided he would be engaging and honestly, often I wish he wouldn’t bother.
it’s hard to stomach that your child’s father is not as interested in him/ her as you are but that makes him a prick so really you’re better off without his input.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 22:36

Well I mean he'll text about the Very need to know things like contact. But contact is regular times so I guess it's hardly needed.
But I find it really hard to be ignored. Maybe it is unresolved stuff.
I thought we'd talk ok. And we'd have a 'relationship'. Not a romantic one but one where we talked, had a conversation.
Question and answer.

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Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 22:39

Yes that as well.
I thought that he'd want to know stuff about her in general and at least talk together as parents.
I think maybe he just wants her when he has her and that's all he's interested in.
I really thought at the very least we'd talk to each other.
Maybe it's just me

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OhMyCherriePie · 13/04/2023 22:39

No we don’t speak

Dontbelieveaword · 13/04/2023 22:42

So he does communicate about DC then? I thought you said he didn't, sorry.
As hard as it is, he's making it very clear he doesn't want to chat to you about anything outside the basics and you might just have to accept this. If he's a good father, does his share of care and pays what he should, then I guess that's all you can hope for.
He may mellow in time but I hope by then you'll have gotten over your disappointment and have moved on.
Lean on your family and friends for support and talk to them. Please don't beg and scramble for scraps of attention from a man who has no interest whatsoever.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 13/04/2023 22:43

Talk about what? What are you texting him about?

You might want to talk but he clearly doesn’t. Leave him alone. Plenty of women on here are told to grey rock their ex, don’t engaged, don’t talk. He is just doing what women are advised to do all the time.

Just… leave him alone.

OohBurnDavid · 13/04/2023 22:43

I don’t have any contact with ExH. When DS was younger we send texts with arrangements, very basic eg ‘I will collect ds at 10am and drop him off at 8pm’ and I’d reply ‘ok’

Now DS is older they sort out when they are seeing him and I don’t involved at all. So much easier

emmylousings · 13/04/2023 22:50

I have no contact with my eldest DSs bio dad, and he has no contact with DS. I never did want any contact (he was abusive), and after DS accepted he wouldn't have a relationship with his bio dad, it was preferable to having to deal with him. Your circumstances are different, I know what you mean about wanting to discuss your DC with another adult who cares about them as much as you do. I was lucky that my mum and brother were there, cared a lot, and that helped. Do you have other interested relatives?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 22:54

@emmylousings Not who I can talk to. All my brothers and sisters have a partner as well.
I talk to my mate more.
Perhaps it's something I shouldn't want

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SpringCherryTrees · 13/04/2023 23:00

Hard as it is, your Ex owes you nothing and is moving on with his life.

It’s OK for you to feel sad about this, but it won’t change it. And it will help you to move on also so it’s not a bad thing.

I had to minimise all contact with my Ex because he was horrible to me, and I often wished he would stop being so undermining and nasty. So sometimes a bit of distance is a good thing.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 23:02

So you don't talk about behaviour problems?
Or anything that might be affecting the child?

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DuckyShincracker · 13/04/2023 23:08

My eldest DD very very nearly died after being spiked. Felt sad I couldn't actually call her father to come to the hospital. Still there is no bad situation he can't make a hundred times worse. So in someways it was for the best. Got the shock of my life the other day when I had to apply for an official thing for the youngest DD and realised he is actually her father and DP isn't as he's named on the birth certificate. It was weirdly a shock as I had kinda forgotten! Grin

supersonicginandtonic · 13/04/2023 23:11

I do I talk to my eldest two cgildrens dad everyday but we are very good friends and always have been as our split was amicable

OhMyCherriePie · 13/04/2023 23:14

purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 23:02

So you don't talk about behaviour problems?
Or anything that might be affecting the child?

Not all exes would be interested

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 23:16

No not all exes.
But I thought he would be because he's an ok dad when he's with her

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Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 23:17

Anyway maybe I'm expecting too much.

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gettingoldisshit · 13/04/2023 23:24

You are no longer together so why would he want to talk to you unless he has to? He has moved on with his life and that's exactly what you need to do.

Singleandproud · 13/04/2023 23:25

When DD was small I would let him know if she had been unwell and he would ask if there was anything she needed and text later in the week to see how she was. Other than that and a quick catch up on the doorstep on hand over we kept our lives separate.

Once she reached year 5 during Covid I set up her laptop so they could Skype but they didn't often, when she reached Secondary school I left her to arrange contact with her dad to give her independence so I don't talk to him about that now. I'll talk to him on the sidelines when we watch her play her sport at the weekend.

But no, I never messaged him just because she did X, Y or Z or for general chit chat unless it would impact his next contact.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 13/04/2023 23:43

I don't mean general chit chat.
But ok.
I get the message with it.

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PicaK · 14/04/2023 08:45

I had to stop talking with my ex for a bit. It was just too hard. I still loved him, my body would traitorously feel the same elation to see him as when married. It was a real head f**k tbh. So I pulled back for a few months.
We're back to having coffee at drop offs etc. But I needed that space. Might it be something like that?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 14/04/2023 10:30

I don't think so
I obviously had a different idea of how we'd be parents. I was wrong

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ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 14/04/2023 10:33

I don't speak to my ex unless I have to. Not because I hate him, but just because why would I? Unless he's asking to have the kids or we need to change weekends or whatever there's nothing to say unless it's an emergency. I don't care what he does and he's not interested in what I do.

I know some people can still be friends after they break up but it's not always that simple and as long as they bother with the kids, you can't really moan.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 14/04/2023 10:38

Because I thought we'd discuss our child. Problems she might be having, things like that.
To me, that is relevant.
But I get from this thread that's not the norm.

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