Page 3 | Should I consider becoming a SMBC?

Confusedlady0 · 2023-02-24T13:59:21+00:00

Hi Single mum by choice? Should I consider becoming a SMBC? Is it selfish? I am 39 this year, single and long for a child, I am torn between seriously considering SMBC options or trying to accept I will never be a mum. I cannot see my life without children and feel like I’ve been mourning the life with a child I thought I would have for years and now seems like crunch time…. I own my own house, have a good income and a good family around me so could afford to support a child and childcare. I accept there will be mixed opinions on this but please be kind, I feel very fragile on this topic. Thanks

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Original poster

Confusedlady0 · 11/04/2023 12:27

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/04/2023 19:49

Ok, here goes - for what it’s worth, and it’s only my opinion, yes, being a SMBC is selfish. So many women seem to feel a child is some sort of right, not the privilege it is. Just because you can have a child alone, does not mean you should. If you become a single parent so be it (my mum became one when my dad died), but actively choosing that path for a child is just selfish.

@Purplecatshopaholic everyone’s opinion counts and I respect your input, I battle daily with the desire to have a child (and my ability to give it a good life) and if I’m being fair on any future child.

I would not have posted on here asking for opinions if I wasn’t going to respect input from all angles so thank you for being honest with your opinion x

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Tomorrowisagesaway · 11/04/2023 21:15

I'm a single parent - by accident but I did choose to keep the baby. In an ideal world I'd have a husband and 3 kids, but I'm happy with the life I've built for my daughter and I think that's she's happy.

Some PPs have said there's huge responsibility in making all the decisions re health, schools etc but there's also the freedom to make the decisions yourself, without potential clashes with a partner.

I don't think it's any more selfish to have a child as a single parent by choice than it is to have one as a couple.

tigger2022 · 11/04/2023 21:35

It's hard but so rewarding. I don't think it's any more selfish than any other parent choosing to start a family. All that matters is they are loved and supported. And once they're born the word "selfish" doesn't exist because everything you do is for this little person x

Cally70 · 11/04/2023 21:53

Another SMC here too. I have 2 DS, 13 & 10. I've never regretted it and they're happy, well rounded children, who (so far) are not concerned by a lack of a Dad. I appreciate that may change but we'll cross that bridge together should it ever arise.

It took me a long time and several rounds of IVF; own egg and eventually donor egg, so what I would say is to start by getting some fertility tests done so you have an idea what you're working with. Sadly, at 39, the odds aren't stacked in your favour.

Original poster

Confusedlady0 · 12/04/2023 08:33

Tomorrowisagesaway · 11/04/2023 21:15

I'm a single parent - by accident but I did choose to keep the baby. In an ideal world I'd have a husband and 3 kids, but I'm happy with the life I've built for my daughter and I think that's she's happy.

Some PPs have said there's huge responsibility in making all the decisions re health, schools etc but there's also the freedom to make the decisions yourself, without potential clashes with a partner.

I don't think it's any more selfish to have a child as a single parent by choice than it is to have one as a couple.

@Tomorrowisagesaway thank you, sounds like you are doing a great job on your own xx

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Original poster

Confusedlady0 · 12/04/2023 08:34

tigger2022 · 11/04/2023 21:35

It's hard but so rewarding. I don't think it's any more selfish than any other parent choosing to start a family. All that matters is they are loved and supported. And once they're born the word "selfish" doesn't exist because everything you do is for this little person x

@tigger2022 thank you. I loved with my brother when he was bringing up a daughter as a single dad from new born and I hope that’s prepared me more than most in what’s involved x

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Original poster

Confusedlady0 · 12/04/2023 08:36

Cally70 · 11/04/2023 21:53

Another SMC here too. I have 2 DS, 13 & 10. I've never regretted it and they're happy, well rounded children, who (so far) are not concerned by a lack of a Dad. I appreciate that may change but we'll cross that bridge together should it ever arise.

It took me a long time and several rounds of IVF; own egg and eventually donor egg, so what I would say is to start by getting some fertility tests done so you have an idea what you're working with. Sadly, at 39, the odds aren't stacked in your favour.

@Cally70 thanks for replying, I know I’ve left it late, I just kept hoping I would settle down and do it the traditional way xx

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