Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Is this enough support?

47 replies

Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 16:35

Hello ladies

I am respectfully seeking advice on the arrangement we have with my husband's ex. Looking for impartial feedback about whether we are being reasonable with what we provide.

If you had the following arrangement with your ex for two teenage daughters would you be satisfied or do you think he could be doing more?

Maintenance £500 per month
Child benefit goes to you
He pays half of all school trips
He pays £40 pocket money direct to both girls
They each have their own bedroom in our home
He does 100% of the journeys 120 mile round trip
Shared care alternate Half Terms
One week each at Easter
Alternate Christmas / New Year week
Two and a half weeks in August
One additional weekend per month (used to be two weekends when they were younger)
He buys birthday/Christmas presents and takes girls on a 10 day holiday abroad every August

Thank you for any constructive criticism.

By the way this is not a new arrangement it has been in place for about the last 6 years.

Just wondering how this compares to others' experiences.

OP posts:
Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:37

You leave out one rather pertinent point op

his salary

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:38

Is either parent questioning the arrangement, or just you?

Overthebow · 21/02/2023 16:40

What's his salary? That would determine if £500 maintenance was good or not.

Original poster
Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 16:41

Salary is roughly £40,000.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 21/02/2023 16:42

Wow yes I could only dream of my ex doing all of that.

bellsbuss · 21/02/2023 16:43

Sounds more than fair on that salary

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:43

And no other children?

seems reasonable to me. From both his and her perspective

but not, I suspect, from yours!

Nonamenoplacetogo · 21/02/2023 16:44

I have 4 teens- £0 per month
I'd say you have a dream agreement

MintJulia · 21/02/2023 16:44

It depends on his income.

My ex pays more than that for one child (teen) because he pays half school fees.

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:45

He’s sees his children for one weekend a month?

MintJulia · 21/02/2023 16:46

It sounds reasonable. Is there a cost of living uplift each year? Perhaps that is the problem.

Heatwavenotify · 21/02/2023 16:52

Sounds like he spends very little time with them.

Original poster
Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 16:52

No other children involved. I have a great relationship with my stepdaughters and I think they enjoy coming here.

Everyone is happy with the arrangement apart from Mum (sorry don't know how to respectfully refer to her). She wants more.

The hardest thing for my husband is all the driving.

OP posts:
Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:58

She’s reasonably asking for more given the figures we’re set…. 6 years ago

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 16:59

my maintenance is index linked thank goodness but ex would uplift anyway I suspect given the COL crisis. Especially if he was only having the children once a month aside from a week in Easter and 2.5 weeks In august!

Original poster
Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 16:59

Baring in mind they go to school 60 miles away and are teenagers with the desire to spend weekends with friends I'd say its not ideal but understandable in the circumstances. Besides, they are welcome to come as often as they like.

OP posts:
Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 17:00

The hardest thing for my husband is all the driving.

once a month op. 120 mile round not exactly taking up the day.

GoldDuster · 21/02/2023 17:01

I'd think that he'd had a bang on the head! No such arrangement round these parts.

He's not obliged to do all of the other things he does, only pay the maintenence so may be there's some negotiation to be had which involves plugging some figures into here to see what it comes up with and if it's more than £500, increasing it to that amount and taking some of the other things off the table.

But ultimately, I'd leave it to him to sort out with her, it's not your bunfight.

Grizzledstrawberry · 21/02/2023 17:02

What would he have to pay if child maintenance were involved, more or less? There's a calculator on their website.

I mean she can ask for more but if he's not legally obliged to there's not much she can do, I think the arrangement is fair, I do think he should make more effort to see them more though, one weekend a month is not enough at all.

Original poster
Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 17:04

The maintenance is calculated by the CMS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 17:06

Thank you

OP posts:
Grizzledstrawberry · 21/02/2023 17:07

Well in that case, if he doesn't want to pay more then simply say no.

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 17:07

Ruth58d · 21/02/2023 17:04

The maintenance is calculated by the CMS.

Confused. In 6 years he hasn’t had any increase in salary?

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 17:09

I can’t get my head around 120 round journey once a month being something he is struggling with

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 21/02/2023 17:13

CMS calculator says £531 a month on £40k based on up to 52 days with him a year