First Christmas as a lone parent

[rockingbird]

Just that really, I need to write down how I'm feeling. 😔 social media is full of happy families posing for pictures, I can't bare it. This will be my first Christmas as a single parent, my stbexh decided his dick brain was more important that his wife and kids.. something I just couldn't live with and the enormity of his actions, endless lies and massively controlling behaviour sent me packing with the kids earlier this year. We've just moved into our new forever home.. so it's a bit hectic! I don't have much family around me and it's pretty much going to be me and the kids. I guess I'm just sad about being a lone parent, I've had no conversations with my exh about presents - I've bought them all and I'm good to go, not a single penny contributed from him. This is on top of furnishing a new house!! Fml sorry just moaning! Words of wisdom welcome.

It gets easier, I promise. I'm on my third one this year and I've really come into my own.

My ex is high conflict, so no discussion on who is buying what. The kids have completely separate lives at his choice.

I found it difficult the first year being parted from the dc. Last year we had covid so got to keep them the entire holidays as he "didn't want to break any rules" also known as he wanted to spend it with his gf and not isolate 🤣

I've just planned lots of nice things with and without the kids. Some of that is just alone time with snacks.

Ignore social media. Many of them are in miserable marriages and its all a front. If your ex takes the kids, you get a lovely break.

Make your own traditions and just soak the time with them up.

Also get a child maintenance claim sorted if he's not paid you anything. That's just ridiculous.

I'm in my 11th and we have our own traditions and routines, it's fine.

I get to do lovely things with the DC all on my own, how lucky!

Congratulations on your new home. You've done so well to do that. I moved in to my home six years ago... just before Xmas 2016. It will be just me and my boy again this year. We've settled into our chilled Christmas, just the two of us.

Lots of Xmas greetings say Peace on earth....well you enjoy that peace. You've earned it. And I don't mean quiet. I mean feeling of calm. Of being in charge of your life and your own front door.

Wow!!
you’re rocking it !!
it’s a great time to start your own traditions and just completely be invested in Christmas with your children.

Theres so many families having miserable Christmases stuck in relationships that aren’t working and you are not one of them!!

it’s different but you are in control !!!

A lovely SP Christmas tradition I read about online and successfully adopted was to have a Christmas camp every year.

A few days before or after Christmas, you bring down cushions or mattresses and all sleep by the tree under the fairy lights.

Before sleeping you can read Christmas stories, have hot chocolate, whatever you like.
In the morning maybe you could have a special camp breakfast of some kind.

It worked really well for us when they were younger. It was our special thing at Christmas.

Aww thank you all, there's some lovely ideas here! We live close to a harbour and every Christmas all the boats are decked out in fairy lights. So last bits from the shops today (quick dash) hair cuts and lunch out.. Harbour walk at sundown with a nice hot chocolate then home for a Christmas film on the sofa. Stbexh contacted me yesterday .. to ask about presents for the kids 🤷🏼‍♀️ seriously!! Have a fantastic Christmas and thank you for taking the time to share your ideas and show your support. xxx

Well sounds like you are doing brilliantly, to be honest! You aren’t on your own- you have the people with you that matter more in the world to you than anyone else! You get them all to yourself and you don’t have to put up with anyone bringing you down. Sounds perfect to me! Start your own traditions and cherish it all.
A happy family doesn’t need 2 parents. There will people in relationships being hurt over Christmas, physically and emotionally. That won’t be you 😀

This is my 9th as a single parent and I do feel sad in the run up, and miss having the 'family' I wanted, the way I wanted it.

But I also relish the peace of Christmases now, as he made Christmas so miserable & upsetting.

Keep expectations low this year, let yourself feel sad / upset if you are, but also have a plan of things to do, so that you don't fall into melancholy / inertia.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Well said @Ansumpasty!

Very bloody true @Ansumpasty!! I promised myself last year that this year would be better.. well I've certainly kept that promise! It just feels different, not in a bad way but after years of being a family of 4 it's odd. That said .. I have my beautiful children, our lovely dog and quite a lot of goodies in the cupboards of our new forever home. 🥰

I understand op. I'm on my 4th year as a single parent. No family or close friends either. Every birthday and Christmas it's me sat up alone wrapping presents and decorating the house. Every day trip out its me alone with the dc watching happy families around us. I've taken them camping twice and both times I was the only single adult with dc there. We're a neurodiverse family so building a friendship/support network isn't easy.

What gets me through is telling myself how proud I am of my little family. Me for being strong and giving them the best possible childhood in difficult circumstances. The dc for working hard at school, coping with wraparound care and holiday clubs (not easy for an adhd child), and just generally being awesome little humans.

Also as tough as it is, its a walk in the park compared to living with an abusive partner. You'll get there 💐

I just wanted to say I think you’re an absolute rock star mum.
Bollocks to the ex - I hope tonight when youre enjoying those goodies and a glass of something nice, you can look around you and enjoy your empire in peace! All the best for next year - I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one for you

I was a single mum to three teenagers and can totally understand how you feel. Even though I had a large family to spend Christmas Day with, I still had all the preparation, shopping, present wrapping, food buying etc to do on my own!

I realised this year how good a job I did. My adult daughter and her partner are actually sleeping overnight at my house for the first time since she left home. We were chatting about timings for Christmas morning before setting off to my sisters house for lunch and I said I wasn’t going to bother with much breakfast, just buy some nice croissants to heat up. However my daughter was adamant that we had to have bacon butties as they were her favourite memory of Christmas with me! She’s even going to cook them herself and wash up afterwards! Love her to bits!

You sound like you are doing great. Am an old timer now and have gone from sharing ex and I Xmas day, trying to do joint stuff with Ex and now as DD has got older she spends most of her time with me. They do make their own mind up about which parent supports them as they see it for themselves. It's now several years on and I still occasionally get caught feeling suddenly sad and weepy at moments each year about what could have been etc. So, I have a sad film at the ready so I can have a cathartic cry, mute lots of people on social media, get lovely food and have made new Xmas traditions with my own little family. On years when DD wasn't here I lied to well meaning friends who asked me to join their families (couldn't face spending the day with other peoples kids and not my own) and I stayed indoors on my own cooked delicious stuff and watched no Xmas TV. It's just a day and it turned out fine. Nowadays I mostly feel proud of how well I did raising her with little input from ex and relaxed in my own place with no one making the day awkward and awful. I hope you will look back in future years and feel the same, the first few are the hardest, but kids are resilient and the best tonic to have around at Xmas even if they are gone for part of it to another house.

How did you get on? It was my first line Christmas with my 4 children (split from DH earlier in year). I feel it went ok but I did find it tiring and missed having another adult to talk to!

*lone Christmas that is!

Well done to all who survived their first solo Christmas - either with or without the DC!

All went fine at Christmas, I am however alone on NYE and NY Day.. I've bought the decorating stuff and intend to crack on with that. ExH insisted on his weekend being just that.. I could probably invite myself round somewhere but I'm happy to potter around and do house stuff. The fact that we have a new home and I'm free of that arse is enough to make me smile quite frankly.

I hope those on their own this evening have something nice planned. Happy new year to you all xx

You have the right username. You do rock! 💪✊

I'm on my own but ok with it. Just started a thread for others on their own if anyone wants to pop in and chat shit 🙈😁

Happy new year to you all too 🥳🥳🥳

Happy new year to all on their own this evening x

Can you link to the thread? I'd be happy to join you!

Here you go @rockingbird

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4709360-anyone-alone-this-weekend?utm_source=thread&utm_medium=share

Happy new year 🥳

I always think those that post on social media a lot are the ones trying to present an image of happiness. Most people who are super happy and content - don’t feel the need for external validation. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, don’t let those negative feelings creep in and knock your confidence. Make great memories and try and stay positive.

Op I'll bet reading this thread back facing your second Christmas as a lone parent, you're much happier and settled in your new home. Hope ex isn't too much of a pain.

Well.. here I am a year on almost to the day planning my second Christmas with the children. Last year we had moved into an empty house, bare walls and floors.. black bags of clothes and not much else. And this year it's cosy! We are really looking forward to our Christmas and the tree is going up this weekend. What a difference a year can make!! It will still be the three of us, I'm bloody super proud of how far I have come. I own my own tool box - complete with many gadgets ☺️ I've decorated the whole house all by myself. It looks amazing and the sense of achievement is incredible. I was a shell of myself this time last year, we'd been through a lot and it was all a bit surreal to be honest. I just wanted to come back and share with you all how much difference a year can make!