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Original poster

Advice needed, moving away from ex.

58 replies

supertato32 · 26/11/2022 10:23

Today I told my ex that there was a possibility I may be moving an hour and a half away. This is because it is better for me financially and means I can drop to working part time and spend more time with our two year old daughter.

At the moment ex, who walked out on us and left me to pick up all the bills and rent whilst still on maternity, pays £350 a month for DD and that's if. We share weekends with her as we both work full time.

He is now really angry that I am moving away and has said it better for you but not for me. He has this habit of constantly making me feel like I'm nasty, in the wrong or being unreasonable and trying to keep his daughter away from him, which I'm not. I find having to deal with him at all very triggering... he is always gaslighting me.

I personally don't think an hour and half is a long way to move and think he has got angry because it actually is going to mean more hassle to him!

How do I deal with someone like this in a co parenting situation, when I do the majority of the parenting and pay for the majority of our daughter's needs. He lives in a tiny one bedroom flat and makes no attempt to give anymore money towards our daughters nursery care! I have provided him with car seat and pushchair. I always look after when she is I'll and am always the one to take time off work for her. But whenever I put my foot down on something he makes me feel so guilty and awful.

OP posts:
MyAutocorrectWishesMeDeaj · 27/11/2022 21:11

Do it.

Generally, I think whichever parent moves away is being unreasonable, but your daughter is only 2. She’s not set up in school yet, you’ve offered to meet halfway and you’re moving for incredibly legitimate childcare reasons.

Courts are logical. They will ask for valid reasons for the move and you obviously have a huge one: childcare absolutely crippling your career and finances.

3 hours is doable in a day, and you are offering to do half that yourself.

You are being more than reasonable.

Original poster
supertato32 · 27/11/2022 21:14

@Mydogatemypurse thank you! Sound advice, thank you. I do wonder if there are a network of disgruntled dads that infiltrate these type of threads as there are always one or two posters who aggressively try and make the OP feel like they are being the worst human possible, when I do feel everything I have said seems fair and logical!

OP posts:
Mydogatemypurse · 27/11/2022 21:20

supertato32 · 27/11/2022 21:14

@Mydogatemypurse thank you! Sound advice, thank you. I do wonder if there are a network of disgruntled dads that infiltrate these type of threads as there are always one or two posters who aggressively try and make the OP feel like they are being the worst human possible, when I do feel everything I have said seems fair and logical!

Me too lovely. They defo do. Do it. Dont fear courts. Your priority is your mental health, finances and every positive thing you are planning to benefit your daughter.

You're being lectured for not considering him, he never considered you or your child and now is spitting his dummy out cos he has to make a tiny bit of effort.

Im a rightmove obsessive if you need any help finding somewhere ha. Bloody go, prioritise your care of your baby and give her the best life. Im sick of womens lives being based on whats easiest for the man, they've got it made, how dare he dictate.

Aubree17 · 28/11/2022 03:14

Why have you chosen the place you are moving to?

Who would you be living with? Would you have family nearby?
I think it will be difficult for your DC to maintain a relationship with their dad if you move this distance away.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 30/11/2022 15:32

So he already moved 40 mins away himself, and won't have her for a full weekend because its too much for him? That won't look good for him if it goes to court. He can't really refuse to let you move while also refusing to parent. An hour and a half is short enough to maintain current contact pattern (and more if he stepped up). I can't see how he could have a case, especially as he can't look after her himself.

TeaAndJaffacakes · 30/11/2022 15:40

Good time to move to alternate weekends maybe.

Bertha21 · 26/12/2022 23:04

My ex lives 40 minutes away and it takes some organising. I have thought about moving to be nearer my work as I don’t have family in this area. An hour an a half makes sense if more childcare is available. My children are older and would struggle with the distance from their dad.

Ilikepinacoladass · 31/12/2022 08:32

Do it! If he's that bothered he could move too? (Not saying in same area, but nearer). Then maybe he could also afford something larger than a 1 bed flat! Sounds like at the mo you both live in an area which is too expensive for you. 1.5hrs is not unreasonable at all, if he wants you to stay in an area which is too expensive for your current he needs to pay more maintenance

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