Page 7 | Leaving an 8 yr old home alone all day

Meiya · 2022-10-25T07:14:49+00:00

Hi there, is it ok to leave an 8 yr old home alone all day while a single parent goes out to work from 9 till 5.? the child has a kitten for company ( she loves cats) but is an only child and spends most of her time alone when not in school because of her fathers work. she has a phone she can contact him on if need be .

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Longerthanfiveweeks · 25/10/2022 11:41

Actually, having considered this again, if the alternative is the parent needs to stop work and lose their job, it might be lesser of two evils. The parent should be trying to see if the child has friends who have parents who are able to help out in hols. If you are low wage, a day’s childcare can consume your daily income, meaning you can’t pay rent/ bills/ food.

It depends a lot on the circumstance.

it must be pretty lonely and miserable for the child. Mine would have been scared to be alone all day at that age.

Spicycurry · 25/10/2022 11:42

I’ll actually stick my neck out and say that in some circumstances this would actually be my preferred option.

If my child was being bullied at the mystical holiday club or childminders, or I wasn’t happy with the quality of care, or they were staying with an unpleasant or unsafe or god forbid abusive family member I would be inclined to think better off alone, to paraphrase a song.

FleecyMcFleeceFace · 25/10/2022 11:46

it must be pretty lonely and miserable for the child. Mine would have been scared to be alone all day at that age

I don't think that's true. If this is for a couple of days, the child may be perfectly happy at home.

Longterm, obviously not.

If you have no money and no childcare and cannot miss work - it's a very difficult place to be.

Longerthanfiveweeks · 25/10/2022 11:54

FleecyMcFleeceFace · 25/10/2022 11:46

it must be pretty lonely and miserable for the child. Mine would have been scared to be alone all day at that age

I don't think that's true. If this is for a couple of days, the child may be perfectly happy at home.

Longterm, obviously not.

If you have no money and no childcare and cannot miss work - it's a very difficult place to be.

Well it depends on the child. Some may be ok but mine would absolutely have been scared.

TheWindBeneathMyFlaps · 25/10/2022 11:56

One of mine would be be really unhappy, I mean actually freak out and cry if you left her for this amount of time. The others would enjoy the unlimited Nintendo.

girlmom21 · 25/10/2022 12:12

FleecyMcFleeceFace · 25/10/2022 11:46

it must be pretty lonely and miserable for the child. Mine would have been scared to be alone all day at that age

I don't think that's true. If this is for a couple of days, the child may be perfectly happy at home.

Longterm, obviously not.

If you have no money and no childcare and cannot miss work - it's a very difficult place to be.

Why is it an ok short term solution but not an ok long term solution? Surely the longer a child's left with no issue the more comfortable you'd feel leaving them?

girlmom21 · 25/10/2022 12:15

@KettrickenSmiled I completely understand what you're saying and that some people are struggling to the extreme at the moment.

I know that in my area there are funded holiday clubs for children on free school meals but that may well not be a nationwide offering, and peoples circumstances may have changed so they may not be entitled to free school meals while still being on the bones of their arse.

However, the op said the child would be left from 8-5 I think it was. So what happens when the child is at school? Because if they actually do attend breakfast club and after school club then it's probably not a financial issue as such.

SammyScrounge · 25/10/2022 12:22

No. It's not ok. She's too young to cook or to handle emergencies. She needs friends to play with and keep her company. This child must be dreadfully lonely.
Stump up cash to hire a carer, maybe a neighbour, preferably one with children, would be glad to earn a few quid.

SoupDragon · 25/10/2022 12:31

Supposing, just supposing, that this is not a case of neglect, but a case of having very little money & absolutely no other options for a school holiday week?

but it is neglect. Whether through necessity or not, it's still neglect.

and no, I don't have a magic answer, it's a shit position to be in. That doesn't make it OK though.

Theres no context in the OP anyway.

drkpl · 25/10/2022 12:33

I’m all for giving children independence, and showing them that I trust them by slowly building up time alone from 8+ (with careful conversations fist and strict rules). Depending on the personality of the child and with the right preparation, I’d be perfectly happy to leave an 8 year old alone for 10 minutes while I pop to the shop. If they disobey any rules then I take a step back and try again in a few months. Then slowly keep building the time alone up as the age so they’re ready come secondary school.

however, I would definitely not be happy leaving an 8 year old alone all day. Even if they were obedient and mature, even if I left food. I wouldn’t do it because I don’t believe an 8 year old has the emotional maturity to entertain themselves in a responsible way for that long. They might be fine for an hour or two and then get lonely and upset, or might get bored and do something stupid.

SpinningFloppa · 25/10/2022 12:42

Burritowithextra · 25/10/2022 11:40

I do have smile at the posters who come on to threads like this, declaring that “Social services will be all over you!!”

Really?

My experience of social services in recent years, professionally, is that they are so exhausted, overworked and short staffed that they are desperately struggling to respond to safeguarding referrals for actual abuse of children and vulnerable adults. Referrals are left in triage piles for much longer than they should be, cases are shut done as quickly as possible…

No-one is going to be leaping up and out, blue light style, to be “all over” a parent because they left an under 10 (or under 14 according to some posters!) alone during the day in a safe home.

I

Yes ss would be interested speaking from experience no they wouldn’t be around with blue flashing lights as they are not the police but they certainly would be concerned by this and want to investigate.

Burritowithextra · 25/10/2022 12:44

I’ve got a feeling it might be a while before they got in touch though @SpinningFloppa ! In my county anyway

SpinningFloppa · 25/10/2022 13:45

Burritowithextra · 25/10/2022 12:44

I’ve got a feeling it might be a while before they got in touch though @SpinningFloppa ! In my county anyway

Well they did get in contact with me and I didn’t leave my child for anywhere near as long (left my 9 year old whilst I did the school run and got reported) would never leave my child for the whole day at that age.

Burritowithextra · 25/10/2022 14:11

How concerned were they when they called you @SpinningFloppa ?

I leave a child of that age while I do the school run for an older DC and I’d be quite unrepentant if someone reported me, as I’m not doing anything wrong. Also, who on earth reported you for that?!

KettrickenSmiled · 25/10/2022 14:14

girlmom21 · 25/10/2022 12:15

@KettrickenSmiled I completely understand what you're saying and that some people are struggling to the extreme at the moment.

I know that in my area there are funded holiday clubs for children on free school meals but that may well not be a nationwide offering, and peoples circumstances may have changed so they may not be entitled to free school meals while still being on the bones of their arse.

However, the op said the child would be left from 8-5 I think it was. So what happens when the child is at school? Because if they actually do attend breakfast club and after school club then it's probably not a financial issue as such.

Thanks for your measured response @girlmom21

It's all speculation though isn't it, because none of us know anything about the circumstances.

forevercooking · 25/10/2022 18:08

GettingOrganisedNow · 25/10/2022 09:41

I think if a childminder is out of the question (due to cost, or not being able to find one, say), and it's just for half term, I'd be begging school friends to take the child for a day, or even sending the child to the library (with a packed lunch) or something like that for the day (assuming there's one nearby that's open). Or see if a neighbour could help maybe. Not ideal, but if the parent is going to lose their job if they don't sort something, then those would be better options than leaving the child alone all day.

Leaving them in a public library is better how?

Grumpybutfunny · 25/10/2022 19:20

Nope DS is 9 and wants to be left. I struggle to leave him for 15 minutes to go to the shop whilst his dad is in bed off nightshift!