“He’ll need to pay maintenance for the children”

[Briocche]

God if I see this “advice” trotted out on here one more time when some poor cow gets left holding the kids by her husband

Were it that easy!

I know. And/or, 'he'll have to have them every weekend and half of holidays'.

My children's father had to be dealt with by the CMS because he just stopped paying anything. If it weren't for the fact that (a) I knew everything about him (did my own Magnum P.I. on his ass) and that (b) he was employed by a public sector employer in the UK, we'd probably have been stuffed.

And the weekends? He did one Saturday night a month.

Having said that, it is important to get a claim in with the CMS asap. You don't ask, you don't get.

I made my own post about this once as I also constantly see “well he has no choice about paying maintenance” my ex has never paid any maintenance! I have 4 kids and never got a penny off him, he doesn’t work or claim benefits apparently and cms won’t do anything about it 🤦🏻 We don’t all get maintenance! People do seem to think everyone gets it

Did he contribute to the household when you were with him, was he an attentive father, a good earner?

You had four children together so he must've had some good qualities to commit to such a level, or did he suddenly change?

Yes they seem to confuse the UK with the US where the absent parent can be sent to prison for not paying.

My first sons father tried to dodge the CSA (name at the time) and then they took it out of his wages.
When it changed to CMS they did bigger all to get him to pay. Said we had to sort it ourselves or pay £20 fee. I did that in the end and it took so long with back and forth and my sons dad dodging them I didn't get anything.

Highly frustrating

Why does this sound like you’re putting the blame on OP?

😂🤣 yeh loving the victim blaming of this post 🙄🤦🏻

If all men paid for their kids after having them then the cms wouldn’t need to exist, believe it or not people DO change when you break up with them.

They change, ok? Oh boy do they suddenly change. From normal to threatening to burn you and the DC down, all in about the most awful and surreal half and hour of your life. Happy now?

Exactly, my ex had a mental break down, sorry I forgot to check my crystal ball 🔮

@savethebeesandthecees - this must be a troll. What a stupid comment. Of course they change.
A lot of men can be great when at home with the family and the minute they decide to leave said family "POOF" their kids and all responsibilities vanish out of their head

I'm not a troll. Was genuinely asking a question about whether flying saucers partner was a good dad when together.

No need to be so aggressive.

Why did you single me out? You obviously wanted to prove something like it’s my own fault and I should have known better, well for your information he had a mental break down and quit his job, cms haven’t been able to track him down since all I get is he doesn’t work or claim benefits. I don’t need to explain that to you though men still need to pay for the kids they created regardless of what you think about women should have known better. 🙄

@FlyingSaucerss it’s funny how things change when someone singles you out. I saw you constantly berate another poster a few days ago who posted saying her kid’s dad doesn’t work and doesn’t contribute towards their kids.

You constantly dragged her down asking why she got into that situation and you’re in the same boat but with four kids. Seems you can dish it out but doesn’t like when it happens to you. Karma’s a bitch right😉

@FlyingSaucerss I don’t need to explain that to you though men still need to pay for the kids they created regardless of what you think about women should have known better. 🙄

It also wouldn’t have hurt for you to remember this when constantly commenting on that OPs thread. I guess you’re the only woman this applies too!

Oh don’t be so pathetic the poster you are referring to (which I’m guessing is you) had another child with her ex AFTER finding out he lied to her for years totally different story and no I don’t get or relate to that, my ex changed when we split up I didn’t have another child with him after finding out he lied for years like the poster up I are referring to did, that poster was talking about stopping contact with her ex because he wouldn’t pay maintenance AFTER she knew he already wasn’t paying maintenance and didn’t have a job! no one is going to defend her stopping contact when she knew what he was like, he needs to pay maintenance but that’s nothing to do with contact which is what the thread you are referring to was about and if she had posted that without threatening to stop contact unless he paid maintenance she would have had very different responses!

It’s really interesting though isn’t it.

Regardless of her situation, you didn’t like that someone singled you out and did a bit of victim blaming yet I saw you do the exact same thing on the previous thread. She isn’t me nor am I her. I was watching the thread and have now stumbled across this thread and found the hypocrisy quite amusing hence why I commented.

Apologies for completely derailing your thread btw OP. I’ll be off!

What you are referring To is a woman who was threatening to stop contact between her children and their father and his family because he wouldn’t pay maintenance after she had a second child with him when she had found out he had been lying to her for years about having a job, she still went on to have a second child then threatened to stop contact with him and his family, it was pointed out she was aware of the situation when she had a second child and how wrong it is to stop contact given she knew the situation, yes men can and DO change after you Split this man never changed she knew the situation🤦🏻 I never once stated he should pay maintenance she was pulled up for threatening to stop contact and would have got difference responses if she worded it differently, so you’ve posted with absolutely zero context, she was “berated” by many posters for the fact she wanted to stop contact, not over him not paying maintenance so at least post the truth. If she’s threatening to stop contact then yes people will pull her up on it

The old court orders were better for child maintenance, if fathers didn't pay they were whipped back to court.

Court orders weren't better. Instead of going on income percentage they looked at how much "spare" money the nrp had. In my (not very nice) father's case, he used his sky tv and catalogue bills (new furniture iirc) to reduce the maintenance while my (lovely) step father fed, clothed and housed me and my sibling. The maintenance the court awarded didn't cover our school bus fairs, while he took his new kids to Florida almost every year.

Yes, you have to be super sleuth to make sure they actually pay. When they contacted my EX, he told them he was self-employed, and they didn't even do a basic check like cross-referencing his NI number with HMRC before they came back to say he should pay zero.

It took me appealing and sending evidence such as his payslips from his PAYE job of 10 years, bank statements receiving nearly 6 figures house sale proceeds and thousands received for car sale for them to reassess and give the DC their due.

My EX is terrified of authorities, it's the only person who gets through to him. The CMS should use, and be seen to use, all the powers that are available to them, including prison for non-paying men to make a real example of them.

My ex doesn't pay maintenance, has a DOE order in place, still not paying. Doesn't see them, due to a.ways changing days, and cancelling, and then telling people that I stop him seeing "his" children. Him and his new partner managed to see them a couple of weeks ago, and told my two autistic sons that mummy doesn't care about them, and that their "new mum" cared for them much better.
When we were married, he was a hands on dad, and, now this.

In France the authorities just take the money directly out of the person's account if they don't pay. That's state mandated. I often wonder why they can't do something similar in the UK.

Came on to agree with the op. My sisters ex dh decided he wasn’t letting his dcs inconvenience his new single life. Off he fucked into the sunset never to have them overnight or indeed see much of them ever again.
As for maintenance where do I begin with that one.

@W00p it is so disgusting that the UK doesn't do this.

Why is ok for men (and yes some women too) to walk away from any financial responsibility towards the children they helped create. It's infuriating!