“He’ll need to pay maintenance for the children”

[Briocche]

God if I see this “advice” trotted out on here one more time when some poor cow gets left holding the kids by her husband

Were it that easy!

It’s true though, the non-resident parent tends to need to pay maintenance.

Of course, the sort of people who’ll walk out on their children and the sort who’ll have children with them tend not to be the highest earners.

"Of course, the sort of people who’ll walk out on their children and the sort who’ll have children with them tend not to be the highest earners."
🤣🤣
Wow, the sort of people who come to this kind of conclusion, tend to not be the brightest

How so? Absentee parents and failure to pay child maintenance are massively bigger issues in poor and Afro-Caribbean families than in wealthy communities.

What’s unintelligent about being aware of the data?

It’s linked to having children young, which is very much linked to socioeconomic factors.

It depends really. If they are generally law abiding, don't get caught up in FFJ and have an employed job they want to keep they will probably pay at least after the first threat. If like mine they give little fucks about the consequences (which it turns out there aren't and - just empty threats) , learn how to play and delay the system and ultimately happy to take less security and income to be self employed to not have to pay anything no, you won't get any!

They are meant to, but they don't!

I never had a penny.
There needs to be a better system in the UK.

This thread has got a bit derailed...

Anyway, it doesn't seem obvious to me. I'm newly separated after taking my son from a toxic marriage at the beginning of this year. Ex blanked me for 6 months straight before I left. He has never discussed anything about the marriage ending nor expressed any regret or sorrow. He does his bit of childcare, but doesn't have DC overnight at all. Doesn't mention anything. Doesn't regularly pay maintenance. He is not skint, far from it.

Recently I had to pay full whack nursery fees (another thread). He sent me a lump sum, saying it was for the nursery fees. It covered less than 2 months fees. There's been no other discussion. I pay for and do everything else myself except a few hours after pick up and one day at the weekend.

Itsstillgoingsyrong why don’t you go the whole hog and say it never happens to women who were married to the ex. Or women who were on a very stable relationship before they had children. Or women who were married a very long time,
It can happen to anyone, trust me.

Thars incorrect, they do take front wages, it's yiyr responsibility to tell them he's not cooperating. They take mine out his wage

They do though !!

@MissMaple82 I did tell them. They had all his details and he kept dodging them from when we were with the CSA and they took it from his wages then
When it changed all of a sudden they couldn't "find him"
I wouldn't lie about this as I needed the help so it didn't work for me in the end

I've also seen on threads about shit dads who don't pull their weight with the kids at home be told "if you split he'll have to have them 50 percent of the time".

That likely won't be true, if a father pisses and moans about having to look after his own children or maintain his own home so their mum can have a career too or so she can have some leisure time for hobbies outside the house herself instead of it being his golf or cycling a few evenings and weekends taking up all the free time why would he be willing to be solely responsible 50 per cent of the time. He isn't going to want to fight for that. He'd probably want every other weekend or less.

The 50/50 set ups I know are all in parents who did an equal share of childcare and parenting when together and them both wanting that. Its very far from being the default.

They do though

Really? Because I've never heard of this actually happening. Same as passport and driving licence seizing. Threats but know of no one either in real life or online who has had this successfully happen for them

Yeah @FlyingSaucerss I think what she means is it’s all your fault that he is a dick. You should have picked a better man.

@liveforsummer @OhPissOffPlease totally agree.

The ones that are bleating on about it not being that way are either very fortunate to not have experienced a selfish absent parent or are just trying to be a pain in the backside 🙄

Just to clarify I don’t think that at all. Men are responsible for their failings - not us women

Oh it’s always our fault. Never the men. It only happens to bad women like us.

My ex was very hands on and an ‘apparent’ good dad. Until he did something horrendous and I left with my kids. And he paid until he met his 21 year old girlfriend now wife who stopped him by trying to get him to have the kids 50/50 but wasn’t allowed due to needing supervision it was all a big mess. Now he doesn’t pay because the new wife has had a few more kids with him (god knows why)
these men need to take responsibility for the children they have before producing more!

thankfully my younger boys dad pays and looks after them well, we half all expenses.
all v amicable. First ex refused to even speak or communicate with me. But that’s all my fault I suppose? Should I have looked in my crystal ball and seen what a horrible disgusting man my ex is? He hid it well I’ll tell you!!!

Right. Any idea how many high earners don’t bother to pay their child maintenance. Lots of them walk out on their children too. Any idea how effective the cms is? Not very.

im a high earner - my ex was pretty high earning too. But still felt no need to pay child maintenance. You are deluded if you think it only happens to people unlike yourself.

CMS is a service that is not fit for purpose.

Laughing about the idea only low earners avoid CMS. It's actually relatively easy (I use the word 'relatively' as there is NOTHING easy about it) to get a DEO from benefits or from a low income employed job of a nrp stays in it. Self employed high earners find all number of ways to hide money, wealthy men can afford dodgy accountants. They have more to lose so might try harder not to pay