Ex cancelling contact / court order

[Fajita123]

Hi everyone

Currently have court order EOW and half the holidays. Ex due to have children (DD 11 DD 7) this Friday for 2 weeks but emailed me last night sating he can only have them for 3 days instead of 14 as his stepson is having a few issues and a family member is ill. He has said from now on he will not be sticking to the court order.

My immidiate problem is that I have a holiday to Turkey booked for next week with current boyfriend which cost a lot. If ex does not have children I can not go and lose all my money :(

Waiting to speak to my solicitor's but can anyone give advice on what my options are????

Thanks

Of course he's not going to keep them! For this kind of man, looking after his own DC for any length of time that he didn't want to is hugely inconvenient. The minute OP calls to say she's back and he can return them, he'll be round to bring the DC back like a shot.

Do what you want, your children aren't going to feel they are abandoned as they are with their dad and if they do they will get over it but what if it is the case that stepson is having a few issues and a family member is ill, your teaching your children that a holiday is more important than a struggling child and ill family members. Think about the message you want to send and what the right thing to do is. Your assuming the ex has done this on purpose but it seems there's more to this story than your saying or even you know.

Does it matter if those things are going on? If they were still together there wouldn't be the option to opt out of parenting if there are any issues. They'd be staying in the house full time.

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment

Well he has given me more information of the issues with his stepson. He has said his mental health has recently deteriorated and he is seriously ill and has become violent and agencies are involved.

He is a complete twat but i can not imagine him lying about something so serious just to avoid having children. Because of this I can't leave my children as the risk is to great and I will be worried sick the whole time and not enjoy mmyself. His Stepson is 13 and the children all get on really well usually buy his mother has previously mentioned to me on one occasion a few years ago when my DS and him had a falling out that he has social issues and is getting assessed he has also been excluded from school. I will lose my money for my holiday with bf which we are both gutted about but we know my children's safety comes first.

EX has said he has put measures in place to have the children this weekend and next weekend but as his family member is also ill he cant do more than that. I am a little reluctant to send them but I will send my oldest with his phone so can call me if there are any issues - ex has previously said DS can have his phone there but can't have my number in it!

When I had my consultation with the solicitor he said that even though there is a court order if I feel children are unsafe I can stop contact and he will have to take me back to court. I will see how things go this weekend and if I think the measures he has put in place are not good enough or the children do not feel safe I will stop contact and let him take me back to court where CAFCASS can do a risk assessment

@JanglyBeads yes the DV was physical, it was infront of the children so SS got involved. This happened 6 years ago.

That sounds sensible OP.

I'm sorry to hear about the violence.

How is he generally with you these days?

It's still not OK. His children should come first, and if he can't have them at his home he could take them elsewhere. You've said he's a relatively high earner, he could take them to an Air B&B or even camping. I still don't see why you have to cancel your holiday.
He is not complying with the Court Order because it is not convenient to him, he does have options but is refusing to consider them.
If I were in your shoes, I would be mentioning that. Parents shouldn't just opt out because things are difficult. He still thinks his wants trump yours.

Presumably the ill family member is granny, who would normally have the DC. Poor guy ,what can he do, no one to bail him out of trouble!

This. What would he do if the children lived with him full time?
Is he at least covering your cancellation fees?

Absolutely vile. Still very bitter and angry. Lots of game playing and very controlling even though he has remarried. It really is non stop.

It may sound bad but I am actually glad that I can possible use this issue to end contact altogether as it is so stressful dealing with him he really is very evil. For example our DS is football mad and very good at it but he refuses to take him to any of his games on his weekend so DS can only play half the games for his team. Another example he called social services on me when on one occasion i sent DD with leggings thst were a bit yo small.

Ex really is nasty and does everything he can to make my life hell which is why I am unsure he is telling the truth in this instance but I don't want to risk it as if anything does happen he has warned me that his stepson has serious mental health issues.

So true, it really is so frustrating but the solicitor said i cant force him!!

I think he does not want to leave his wife with stepson as I presume he has become violent towards her. She is tiny and he is a big lad. He has said their are other agencies involved such so I presume social services maybe CAMHS and he has insinuated that this is the advice they have given them - not to have my children for prolonged periods but in short bursts.

He is a very proud man and always likes to paint a picture of perfection so it must be pretty bad for him to disclose the details of what's going on to me. I have asked my kids what is their step brother like when they go round and they have said he is pretty naughty and rude to his mom and their dad, I guess his behaviour has gotten worse as its the holidays. I know he has a lot of issues at school.

I'm gutted it's messed up my holiday plans but there is really nothing I can do. I just now know that in future I can't rely on ex for childcare if I am making plans.

Hmm.

So I'd ask him what's the plan going forward. I'd want to prove a bit more if possible.

Eg ask whether am he's had any advice in writing about managing situation between the 13 yo and his step siblings, if so could you see that part?

I would be ringing up CMS and tell them he is no longer having them as much and the claim needs adjusting.

Can you not change the holiday booking for later in the year? Then you could sort alternative childcare & not lose your money?

ir is your bf able to take a mate & get your money back?

There is no WAY I'd be going ahead with the holiday under these circumstances.
Your ex is clearly a massive prick, but don't do as PPs have suggested and go on holiday, regardless.
Is it really fair to leave your DDs in the emotional storm this would potentially result in (their father's anger, him trying to extract information from them, him slagging you off.
Your daughters aren't pawns or collateral damage.

RTFT.