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Original poster

Dating with a baby?

36 replies

Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 18:48

Hi,

New single parent here. I am just wondering what peoples views are on looking for a new partner while you have a baby?
I want to meet someone and have a family and I would love another baby, I really don't want my baby to grow up an only child. I was an only child and it was lonely, but at same time I really can't be bothered?! and I want someone who loves my DS like a father....too much to ask? Is it wrong to date with a baby? X

OP posts:
Sally872 · 15/06/2022 18:56

It is not wrong to date while having a baby. If you have help with childcare for dates, can find someone you like and you want to date then fine. But it sounds like you don't really want to.

Dating to find a dad for baby no 2 is not a sensible idea in my opinion. That should be something that might happen much further down the line rather than the main goal.

Plenty of only children are not lonely. Plenty of siblings don't get on. If you are concerned about baby being lonely make lots of friends with babies would be a more sensible solution.

Remembertotakeabreak · 15/06/2022 18:57

Don’t date to find a dad for your baby. Date for you, and find a man who’s lovely enough to want to care about your interests including your baby.

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 20:09

Well if I am being completely honest I don't really want a partner as much as I want a baby- I had a bad experience. I am 33 and I know what I want in life and thats 2 children close together. My first born is 15 now, and she was really lonely as a child. I dont want that for this one. I have a good job, I am not on benefits. I just really don't know how to go about it! I know this probably sounds crazy to some people. Im not exactly a social butterfly, I have friends with kids but they have husbands so don't see them much!

OP posts:
oneforsorrow1 · 15/06/2022 20:11

Without sounding rude if you want another baby that's fine but I wouldn't have one just because you don't want your first child to be an only child, the age gap is too big and they'll probably both feel like only children.

oneforsorrow1 · 15/06/2022 20:13

oneforsorrow1 · 15/06/2022 20:11

Without sounding rude if you want another baby that's fine but I wouldn't have one just because you don't want your first child to be an only child, the age gap is too big and they'll probably both feel like only children.

Oops sorry ignore me I thought you said she was 15 years old, apologies!

AliceW89 · 15/06/2022 20:21

I mean, in your situation, I just don’t think having another baby with a small age gap to your younger DC is compatible with meeting and building a proper life with a genuine, decent partner who cares for you and your children. If it’s the former you want, then use a sperm donor. If you want the latter, park the idea of having another baby and start going on dates.

As an aside, it’s a bit strange saying you don’t want your baby to grow up and only child - they have a sibling (if I am reading correctly), just one who is much older.

853ax · 15/06/2022 20:27

Sounds like donor route best for you. But I imagine having two small children is lot harder to manage alone than one.

Figgygal · 15/06/2022 20:32

Get a donor if all you want is a baby fairer all round than a failed relationship and being hitched to a man for life you werent that bothered about unless he knocked you up

MindYourHeadDoggy · 15/06/2022 20:35

I want to meet someone and have a family

Thus made me feel really sad for your existing children. They’re your family.

AWobABobBob · 15/06/2022 20:46

I'm not sure I've read correctly. Do you already have a 15 y/o child and a baby? If so, you are being really unreasonable as you already have two children, why do you need a third with a random man? Having a stable family and father figure is more important than giving a child a sibling with no intention of having a secure relationship. I hope I've read your post wrong...

TeachesOfPeaches · 15/06/2022 20:48

3rd baby with 3rd dad?

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 20:51

@AliceW89 Well, this is the dilemma I have as I was thinking about a sperm doner but then would that be selfish on my baby as they wouldnt have a dad. I was thinking about the future, my daughter will be flying the nest soon, so technically he will be like an only child growing up, and she lives with her dad half the week, and when she is home she has a very busy social life!😆

@MindYourHeadDoggy yes, they are my family. What I meant was not a proper family, with a supported father figure around for me- not a dysfunctional family.

Idk...maybe I am just rushing it! I am just so disappionted things never worked out with his dad. I always promised myself I would have no more children until I found 'the one' and I promised myself I would have 2 close together..but its just not worked out that way

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 15/06/2022 20:53

Op honestly I'd examine your reasons for wanting another baby so badly that you'd be willing to meet anybody who 'will do' just so you can have another baby.

You're only 33 and your baby is only 15 months - what's at the heart of this?

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 20:54

@AWobABobBob No you didn't read my post wrong...sorry in advance😆 but you are entitled to your opinion. Do you not think that is a narrow minded way of looking at it? I know lots of single mothers who brought up their children brilliantly without a father.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 15/06/2022 20:56

Sorry I misread - to clarify - you have a 15 y/o, a baby and you want to find a man to father a third so you can have two close together but you're not fussed about them being your partner but you also want them to stick around and play a part in this 3rd baby's life?

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 20:57

@CandyLeBonBon I dont know where you read in all of that I said I will meet anyone who 'will do' just so I can have a baby🤨 Nobody 'will do' and thats kind of why I am panicking because time is running out.

My reasons are I just felt guilty for my daughter growing up because she never had a sibling and she really wanted one

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 15/06/2022 21:00

Op you wrote: Well if I am being completely honest I don't really want a partner as much as I want a baby

That's why I wrote what I did, because it sounded like a new partner is just a means to an end?

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 21:05

@CandyLeBonBon No the thing is I dont want a partner right now, my baby is too small and it wouldnt feel natural dating...maybe in the future. But I do want another baby right now! But it looks like its just not going to be possible. I think the posters are right, I am best leaving it until I am ready for a partner, rather than jumping into anything

OP posts:
Redburnett · 15/06/2022 21:08

It is probably best to focus on your existing children for the time being. Being realistic your chances of finding a man willing to take on two different men's children and then embark on another are probably quite slim.

CandyLeBonBon · 15/06/2022 21:11

Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 21:05

@CandyLeBonBon No the thing is I dont want a partner right now, my baby is too small and it wouldnt feel natural dating...maybe in the future. But I do want another baby right now! But it looks like its just not going to be possible. I think the posters are right, I am best leaving it until I am ready for a partner, rather than jumping into anything

Then concentrate on your baby and your teenager. They need you more than you realise.

Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 21:17

@Redburnett I disagree, its very possible...this is the 21st century not the 1900s😆 Its very possible if the man I date also has children, which would be highly likely if I was to date a man my age or older, it happens often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlemumma86 · 15/06/2022 21:21

@CandyLeBonBon I am concentrating on my children, I just would of liked to have had more for my baby if I am being honest. But his father was very abusive so I had no choice but to leave. But my baby deserves more. I wanted him to grow up with siblings and his father, but he is better off without him if I am being honest.

Oh god I opened a can of worms with this thread!🤣

OP posts:
AWobABobBob · 16/06/2022 08:57

True, a lot of women do brilliantly as single mothers. But I would say that a lot of those aren't in that position by choice. I personally think a child should be brought into the World with the aim of being a family unit. It sounds like you are looking for a sperm donor and I personally find that problematic for your other children.

icedancerlenny · 16/06/2022 09:05

Do you give any thought to your teenage child who must have fairly witnessed an abusive relationship, then that ending and a new baby? Teenagers need you more than ever. Stop being so selfish.

Peppapig7262662 · 16/06/2022 09:09

I've got a big age gap too, 13 year old and a 1 year old.

I dated on and off when DD1 was around 1. Took me 7 years to meet my now DH, another 5 until we were financially settled and ready to have a baby.

Honestly with your age I'd go the sperm donor route.