Dating with a baby?

[Singlemumma86]

Hi,

New single parent here. I am just wondering what peoples views are on looking for a new partner while you have a baby?
I want to meet someone and have a family and I would love another baby, I really don't want my baby to grow up an only child. I was an only child and it was lonely, but at same time I really can't be bothered?! and I want someone who loves my DS like a father....too much to ask? Is it wrong to date with a baby? X

Your current family isn’t a ‘proper’ family? I’ll tell you what was dysfunctional, my marriage to my ex husband. The only dysfunctional thing about your family is you, maybe start trying to fix that first and concentrate on the children you have.

You sound very naive, OP, and perhaps prone to making poor decisions for yourself and your kids.

You have a fantasy about what it will be like to have a new partner and a new baby, close in age to your dc2, but the reality of blended families is often that they are not easy at all. Would an additional sibling for your current two dc outweigh the potential disadvantages of living in a blended family? Nobody can say, but it's a pretty significant risk. What if they don't like having a step dad? What if he treats them differently from his biological dc? What if there are step siblings in the mix who they don't like, or who have far more privileges than they do? And what if they're putting up with all of that for the sake of a sibling that they might not even like?!

I would far rather my dc was an only child than subject them to all of that... but your kids have siblings already in any case!

I really think you need to stop for a moment here.

You have this elaborate fantasy of a partner and two kids close in age. And that's all well and good. But as so often happens in life, it didn't work out that way. And when that happens, you don't just keep going hellbent after the fantasy, looking to slot another man in the "partner" slot as though the first one failing never happened. You re-assess, you make a new plan centering the needs of the children who are already here.

You just came out of an abusive relationship, you have a baby, and you are desperate for another baby to fulfil your fantasy. That makes you incredibly vulnerable on the dating scene, and likely to attract another abuser. What will that do to your current children's lives? Even if you found a good guy, what's it going to do to your 15yo to have another man in and out and knocking up her mother in short order during a challenging and vulnerable time in her own life?

What you hoped for didn't work out, and I'm sorry for that. Life sucks sometimes. But I would strongly recommend you do the Freedom Programme and take some time to reassess, not get straight out there looking to slot another man into your Two Kids Close Together plan.

@icedancerlenny My daughter has never witnessed domestic violence, my partner formed a good relationship with my daughter and my family, he was very manipulative. I left him for the sake of my children as I knew one day they would be exposed to this, I did this because I put my children first. My daughter absolutely loves her baby brother, she could not be happier she finally has a sibling...she shows him off to all her friends. She is an absolutely credit to me, she has just exceeded her target grades for her prelims, she is predicted A and Bs, she is a prefect at school, she is caring, polite and sensible, she has a lovely group of friends she has known since nursery...all of this did not happen by chance; she received adequate love and nurturing as she grew up. We are very close and she tells me everything. I am going to stand my ground, because it not selfish to want another baby because you are a single parent. In fact, I believe I was selfish for only wanting 1 child when my daughter was little. How many times do u hear people say it was lonely being an only child? If you can provide for your children and give them the love they need then there is no issue. However, if you would like to elaborate on why you think this is selfish I might consider your opinion.

@AquaticSewingMachine I am not just going to start dating and jump into bed with a guy- that is not who I am personally. I think there is alot of assumptions being made here...on me as a person. Maybe based on how I worded the thread. However, my daughter has not met any of my former partners until I was dating them a year and knew it was right, that was my rule. I dated while she was at her fathers half the week. Its unlikely I will start dating again right now and I think a sperm doner is out of the question. I really just started this thread to gather people opinions on dating with a baby and whether they thought it was right- as I have never done it before. I am.going to turn off the notifications now, as unfortunately I do not have time to reply to all the comments

A sibling in no way ensures that a child isn't lonely. I think this is about you, not what's best for your existing children.

@Aquamarine1029 yes you are absolutely right...it is all about me! Sod the kids. I have just signed up to a dating site...wish me luck guys! I think I might have 2 more...the more the merrier! 😍🤣🤣

I don't see why not, if you got someone willing to do the childcare. Have fun dating, only get serious with a man if he fully accepts your children.

If your relationship was truly abusive, your older daughter would have witnessed your distress and either way, she will have been affected by someone coming into her life and leaving again. This is not just about you and the baby. She is at a critical point in her education and development.

You can date with a baby if you have enough time and energy. But for the sake of the two children you do have, leave it there for now surely!

I met dh at 32. I had a child was a lone parent for 7 years.
I never thought id meet anyone else again. I only ever went to a couple of social things. He was a friend for many years and needed up getting together. Married. 2 dcs together. So it does happen.