Is it bad to want a break?

[BiscoffSundae]

Is it bad to want a break from your kids? I’m a lone parent completely solo, if my kids aren’t at school they are with me 24/7, I often see other single parents saying they don’t like it when their kids go to their dads house as they miss them too much, don’t want to share their time with them, count down the hours till their back, have no purpose without them etc and it makes me feel awful that I would love a regular break from my kids. I picked up my son from school today and all he has done is be in a foul mood the whole day, snapping at everyone shouting at his siblings and arguing with them constantly, they constantly fight and argue between themselves and it’s just relentless, I don’t even get a break to look forward to, it’s mum mum mum all day. Is it bad to want time away?

Not at all. Totally normal and healthy

I feel the same. My dd has SEN and I split from her dad 6 years ago, he’s never had her overnight or for more than 5 hours, when he does have he he often brings her home early so I can’t make plans for the day. Dd is now 16 but mentally about 7 and needs constant watching. It’s tiring, I have no chance of meeting anyone new because I can’t go anywhere. I would love a couple nights away with out her.

So why do I read so many posts from people devastated about their kids going to their dads house and how they will cope with it 😳 I’m guessing they are babies and toddlers...I would probably feel that way if mine was tiny but preteens are a nightmare

I think it’s for several reasons. When I first split with dh I used to hate the kids going to his for a day, it’s left me alone with my thoughts, as the months went on I realised I could enjoy time alone, now I wish he would take them more (well dd2). I really wish he would take dd2 for a whole weekend, it would be bliss.

Fully agree. I really envy mums whose kids go to their dads at weekends. My dd9 is autistic and can be tricky! I would love a Friday night to myself occasionally, dinner, bath, bed!! There was a thread recently where the mum was complaining that her ex still lives with his mum and she does everything for him. The kids go to him every weekend. She should count herself lucky instead of moaning!!

oh I saw that thread too, I didn’t really see what the issue was there either 😕 at least he has the help of his mum and the kids are spending time with grandparents, my kids have none, no extended family from ex, nothing. Sometimes I think people take things for granted, don’t get me wrong I would miss them if they was gone, but I need a chance to miss them, it would make me appreciate my time with them more but as it stands everything is just so relentless. The arguing all day, the constantly cleaning, I need to give my house a really good sort out and I don’t mean getting them to help me clean the whole place needs redecorating, painting etc and I really can’t do that with them under my feet or arguing every 2 seconds, I wish I had somewhere to send them for the weekend so I could get it done. Yesterday I was desperate for some time to myself, I felt like locking myself in a room, it was just following me around all day mum mum mum.

I always looked forward to mine going to their dad's and realised how lucky I was for having that. I did also do a regular sleepover swap with another single parent every other Saturday. You need to find someone prepared to have both (all?) your children though for it really to work. Getting a regular teenage babysitter is great too if you can afford it.

Unfortunately all the single parents I know kids go to the dad so they don’t need to do it they would see it as that only benefitting me really as they get their break on the weekends, would have been nice though!

OP, if your DC are preteens and older, they really shouldn't be following you about asking for mum mum mum all the time

You should be able to decorate with them there!

I'd be setting some clear boundaries with them and make it clear it isn't on

Sorry it’s the youngest is 5... whose usually mum mum mum all day long.

@BiscoffSundae Ahh 5 you poor thing! Whingers at that age

Because they don't want to admit they are relieved they get a break because women are meant to be totally self sacrificing as mothers.

She’s just turned 5 this month so hoping it gets better soon but she’s never distracted for very long as the older ones don’t want to play with her dolls or shopping trolley so she comes to find me for that 😳

I think it’s totally normal to feel like that!

i do feel sad when mine goes to his dad’s, but also appreciate just total responsibility free time.

it’s exhausting just being present for children, no matter how much we love them.

Maybe let your 5yo have a friend over for a sleepover? Yes I know that's one more child instead of one less, but at least yours would have a friend to keep her occupied.

This is definitely normal. I felt this way as well. I even tried to help my DDs father find a job closer to us so he could have her on the weekends but unfortunately that didn’t work out.

i did get lucky that he took her during the summer for at least for 4-6 weeks. It was lovely altho I still wish I had those weekends all year long as I never got a break after parenting all week.

Oh no don’t even get me started on the 6 weeks holidays! I can’t face the thought of that right now knowing I won’t get a second away from them for 6 weeks is going to be hard going, I honestly wouldn’t even be against 50:50 in fact it sounds like bliss to me, love the thought of sharing the holidays etc the thought of having to constantly plan things for 6 weeks and have fun days out it’s so draining then the cost of it all.

5 year old has only just started reception this year so I don’t know any of the parents well enough for sleep overs or anything , and I don’t have friends with kids her age most people I know only have older kids.

The “being left with my own thoughts” about the arrangement resonates with me.

at first I pined, worried, fretted - these days they need to be hanging on tight to their coats and bags and be ready to exit the car door when it’s still moving! 😁

Nah it’s normal. Takes a village to raise kids, not one exhausted single parent. I mean we do it, because we normally have no choice, but I treasure the occasional breaks I get (when family have her) and I usually feel rested and more enthusiastic about parenting when she comes back. There’s nothing wrong with needing some rest.

Just been reading the 'what are you up to today' thread always a mistake !! One lucky lady's husband has taken the kids away for the weekend, wine was mentioned later on tonight. Ooh what I'd give !!

It's difficult from both sides. My youngest goes to her dad eow. My eldest doesn't. His needs are different as he has asd. So has a level of independence but not the equivalent to others their age.

I miss the youngest. She fills the house with activity and joy. I also don't like that she is in another family I'm not part of. That makes me very sad. Although of course I don't share that with her

As they get folder it get easier. Sign them up for scouting etc. Look around for the free holiday clubs on offer. Swap play dates. Just ask her who she would like to have over for tea. And send a note in her book bag. Time to be proactive.

Older even. 😀

See it’s more this, I want a weekend away, not a couple of hours here and there, it’s not really the same.. to be honest the rushing around to clubs is more headache than it’s worth 🤣 my son use to go to football club but it meant picking them up from school except him, coming home for an hour then dragging them all back an hour later to pick him up again wasn’t even worth the hour break from him, can’t leave any at home as not old enough, what I would give for a weekend away (even a week!) I think having a chance to miss your kids is a good thing as it makes you appreciate the time you do get with them more rather than just feeling like it’s a relentless slog, I just don’t get wanting to be with your kids 24/7. I’ve not had a night off in 5 years.

There's an event I really want to go today but my dd is understandably refusing to come with me as she'll be bored. These are the times when I wish I could drop her off at her dads or any other family member for a bit !!

Oh sweetie hell no it’s not bad of you to want this!

It’s extremely important that you have your own psychological, emotional and mental space from your children.

In fact you really need to have your own time off.

So don’t feel guilty, it’s OK to invest in yourself.

I’m a solo parent as well, living in a foreign country, no family, father lives in another continent 17 hour flight away… He only comes once every three years and takes visitation for six hours.

Next week will be the first time in years that I actually have more than one night off. My child was going to an overnight camp. And I myself will be going away while he is at camp to look out for myself.

is there an association in your area that has respite care for solo parents?

I live in Switzerland and we do have this, there are homes where we can send our children for one weekend a month to get a break

big hugs. I hope you get the time off that you will deserve