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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Is it bad to want a break?

38 replies

BiscoffSundae · 26/05/2022 21:10

Is it bad to want a break from your kids? I’m a lone parent completely solo, if my kids aren’t at school they are with me 24/7, I often see other single parents saying they don’t like it when their kids go to their dads house as they miss them too much, don’t want to share their time with them, count down the hours till their back, have no purpose without them etc and it makes me feel awful that I would love a regular break from my kids. I picked up my son from school today and all he has done is be in a foul mood the whole day, snapping at everyone shouting at his siblings and arguing with them constantly, they constantly fight and argue between themselves and it’s just relentless, I don’t even get a break to look forward to, it’s mum mum mum all day. Is it bad to want time away?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jrc1071 · 02/07/2022 19:21

I agree with you… A few hours off it’s not worth it.

And it makes me crazy with friends say oh can’t you get a couple of hours? Can you just take some me time for an hour a day?

As a solo parent… It’s not worth it. We need more time.

Do you have a trusted friend that could watch your children for the night?

Is there an association where you live that has respite care for solo parents?

if I were living near you I would be happy to watch your children overnight :-)

TheOrigRights · 23/07/2022 20:25

Mine is 13 and I crave a break. A proper break. If he's doing something without me I capitalise on it and work.

I can't remember the last time someone else took the responsibility at a weekend or overnight so I could truly turn off and relax.

I get plenty of time to do what I want, but if he's home alone it's on my mind (just a bit, I'm not neurotic) that I might come home to a problem and also that I'll be back on duty as soon as I open the door.
It's fine, it's how it is and we're (mostly) happy.

He's going away with his older brother for a week during the school holidays.
I cannot wait.

TheOrigRights · 23/07/2022 20:27

I've got a miserable thread on here about school hols.
I've had to mute a couple of WhatsApp groups because they're making me feel very isolated.

Steelesauce · 23/07/2022 20:36

Solo parent here. My Mum does have mine, while I work. The very occasional overnight if I'm working all weekend. Id give anything for a full weekend to myself or a week away. Its exhausting.

Original poster

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 20:48

Honestly I’m on a single parents group and it’s starting again, women complaining that their ex wants to take their kids on holiday and they don’t want to allow it as they don’t want to be away from their kids (no safe guarding) just “feel
lost without them” seriously I just don’t get it, I would give anything for some time away, real time not a few hours whilst they are at school

OP posts:

lollipoprainbow · 23/07/2022 20:54

I was at a class party last week when a mum was telling us how her ex is taking the kids away to Greece in the summer holidays. I felt so envious !!

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/07/2022 21:19

Not at all, I'm a parent with an ASD DS. I love him but my God I need a sodding break sometimes. It's fine to feel like this.

BarnacleNora · 23/07/2022 21:26

OP it's completely normal. My kids have time with their dad now and I definitely count down the time until they go. Last year however they had no contact with him for a year and it nearly killed me-it was for their own good and took a lot to get sorted and to ensure they would be safe in his care again so I knew it was the right thing but bloody hell it was relentless. You absolutely have my sympathy it is overwhelming and suffocating.

I had other parents do the whole mummy martyr thing over kids going to school and how much they'd miss them and missing them for a weekend etc and I used to just ignore them because I thought they were batshit. Either that or had very little lives if they really couldn't think of anything other than their kids. Even the first time my ex took my kids I didn't miss them, by the end of their time with him and when they were due back in a few hours I was happy they were coming back and looking forward to a few cuddles sure, but certainly not missing them the whole time. I was too exhausted and burnt out by the 24 hour care before they went to be anything over than relieved!

I don't know what the solution could be for you OP, presumably you don't have family nearby who could do a sleepover sometimes or anything like that?

Original poster

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 21:31

I have family but the won’t have my kids,
my mum said they are my kids my responsibility she’s never helped me and doesn’t want to know.

OP posts:

TheOrigRights · 23/07/2022 21:51

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 20:48

Would you consider taking yourself off that group, even just muting or hiding it somehow.
It's not helpful for you.

Original poster

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 22:13

I’ve already been considering leaving them, I joined them for support but find it hard to relate to other single parents; shame there isn’t any groups for lone parents that raise their children alone.

OP posts:

TheOrigRights · 23/07/2022 22:28

BiscoffSundae · 23/07/2022 22:13

I think we are here. Granted, it's less personal, but you are sure to find others who can truly empathise, won't judge, might have some tips and above all, allow you to have a good old moan.

theniceunderstandingone · 01/08/2022 01:51

I'm exactly the same.
Middle son rarely goes to his dads and if he does it's for one night then he's back and we don't hear anything for months.
My DDs father is not involved at all. It's all me all the time.
Constant questions and arguing or screaming and crying. My mum and brother don't have them for a bit. My cousin used to take my older son but she doesn't bother with these little two.
It's draining and frustrating. I cry a lot. My depression is bad.
I feel bad saying but the odd time my son does go I don't miss him.

Sorry for ranting though. I totally understand. I hope it gets easier for us all x

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