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Lone parents

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Original poster

Naming the baby - whose legal right?

37 replies

newlyseparated · 12/04/2022 12:12

Hi all.
I am pregnant and my ex broke up with me as he said he didn't want it and accused me of entrapment. Now, however, he's saying he will want 50/50 custody of the baby and saying he has a legal right to be involved in naming the baby (because there's a government website that lists parental responsibility as including choosing the baby's name). I'm pretty sure (and a lawyer advised me) that it is the mother's right to name the baby but I can't find any clear source for this online other than random websites. Does anyone know how I can show to him that he has no right to name my baby? I can't afford to get a lawyer to write a letter or have any more legal consultations.
I am obviously pretty paranoid about him taking me to court for custody as well - I mean I know he wouldn't get 50/50 immediately but the idea that one day he would even though he left me bdcause he was so horrified at the idea of the baby is horrible.

OP posts:

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/04/2022 12:15

No only the mother has the right to register and name the baby when she is not married. Please don’t put him on the birth certificate. He’s already being abusive and trying to control you it will only get worse if he can use a child to do it too.

User12398712 · 12/04/2022 12:17

Are you married? www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth

AHungryCaterpillar · 12/04/2022 12:17

Of course he can’t name Your child Without you how would that work? He can’t go there without you so no. I wouldn’t put him on the bc, if he takes you to court he will be added though and he could possibly get his surname added so it’s double barrel (I know women have done this)

heartofgrass · 12/04/2022 12:17

Register the baby by yourself, you don't even need to tell him about the appointment. You choose the name, YOUR surname. Don't have him on the birth certificate.
Keep all evidence of communication, keep it to written - emails are best. Good luck

ImAvingOops · 12/04/2022 12:21

Id be tempted to move and not tell him where I've gone!
Just echoing everyone else, don't tell him what you are doing, don't put him on the bc, don't give the baby his last name. If he wants anything make him go via court to get it!

ImAvingOops · 12/04/2022 12:22

And if he does go to court, make sure you also go to the CSA. With rights come responsibilities - he doesn't get to cherry pick the parts of parenting he fancies. If he's in then he gets financial obligations as well as access!

lookforthesun · 12/04/2022 12:23

I assume you're not married?

Your legal right and yours only. Make sure baby has your surname. There is no way in hell he would ever get 50/50 custody.

TheSnowyOwl · 12/04/2022 12:24

It’s your right and if you don’t put him on the birth certificate, he will need to go to the effort (financial and time) of getting parental responsibility as well.

TheSnowyOwl · 12/04/2022 12:25

Also, 50/50 is not always in the best interest of a child and specifically a baby.

Ivyonafence · 12/04/2022 12:26

You name the child. Give the child your surname and don't put him on the birth certificate.

Viviennemary · 12/04/2022 12:28

He sounds very controlling. Don't put his name on the birth certificate. Make sure you register the birth by yourself and he does not attend or know when you are registering it. Do not let him worm his way back in. He will be nothing but trouble if you give him an inch..

titchy · 12/04/2022 12:30

Does anyone know how I can show to him that he has no right to name my baby?

Seriously don't engage with him. Send him one message saying you won't be responding to any further messages from him, and will be in touch once the baby is born to discuss contact, maintenance etc.

And block.

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 12:30

Are you married to him? If not tell him to crack on and register the birth himself before you do (they won’t let him without proof he’s married to you, a signed declaration from you or other paperwork).

IncompleteSenten · 12/04/2022 12:31

You're not married so no, he doesn't have the right to decide the name.
Make the appointment and don't tell him. Register your baby with your name and let him go to court to be added to the birth certificate.

RedWingBoots · 12/04/2022 12:38

To add to AHungryCaterpillar useful post be won't get 50% care of a child under 1.

Tell your midwives he is being controlling and abusive, and he isn't welcome at the birth.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/04/2022 12:39

He sounds like one of those deadbeat dads who wants baby to have his surname and then disappears and is never heard of again. Ignore his threats.

An unmarried woman can register a baby’s birth. The father can be registered on the birth certificate (and therefore have a say in the name) if he attends the appointment. If he doesn’t attend the appointment he can apply to the court to be added to the birth certificate and therefore have parental responsibility.
I would ignore him. Then when baby is born register her yourself. Don’t tell him about the appointment. Feign ignorance or baby brain if he queries it. Then let him make the application if he is motivated to do so. 99 percent sure he won’t.
I would not engage with him any further about it. Let him do all the legwork to find out what is legally possible. Slowly start screening and limiting your responses to anything he sends you. Do a slow fade. Focus on your own health and well being and that of your baby. You can sort out contact once baby is born.
Also you know he has no right to be present at the birth don’t you? That is a medical procedure and you are the patient. So your needs are paramount.

Flickflak · 12/04/2022 12:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AHungryCaterpillar · 12/04/2022 12:41

@RedWingBoots

To add to AHungryCaterpillar useful post be won't get 50% care of a child under 1.

Tell your midwives he is being controlling and abusive, and he isn't welcome at the birth.

I didn’t say he would get 50/50?! But he will get contact and it can move to 50/50 when the child is older. So people should answer the question realistically. If he goes to court they will add him to the bc.

PatriciaHolm · 12/04/2022 13:00

He is mixing up "responsibility" with "rights".

Having the responsibility to ensure a child is named, etc, does not automatically mean he has an absolute right to be involved, especially as you are not married, given he will not have PR at birth.

When your child is born, you as the mother get parental responsibility at birth. Assuming you are not married, he only gets PR if he is named on the birth certificate, which can only happen at this point if he comes with you to the registration.

So if he does not attend the registration, he will not have PR, at that point.

However, it will not be difficult in the longer term for him to get it, but of course by that point the child will be named, and any change would require you both to agree, or him to apply to court for a change, at which point the court would make a decision based on the child's best interests.

Original poster

newlyseparated · 12/04/2022 13:40

thank you so much everyone, that's reassuring. That's what I thought, he just seemed so certain. It still scares me that one day I could have to share my child 50% with this monster but I guess I can't worry about that until the baby is older.

OP posts:

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 12/04/2022 13:58

Unless you’re married, he doesn’t have parental responsibility until he named on the birth certificate. Unmarried mothers get to name their babies. He could ask in court for his surname to be added later but he can’t ask for yours to be removed and I don’t think a judge would entertain a father asking to change a baby’s first name against the mother’s wishes.

cherrysthename · 12/04/2022 14:05

Just ignore him. How many losers who leave a child's mother because she fell pregnant is ever going to go to court for contact, let alone 50-50 residency? Not many. You've nothing to worry about. Don't be drawn into backwards and forwards messaging with him, it will only stress you out.

Brightrainbow · 12/04/2022 14:17

My ex tried this

I fell pregnant,he fucked off and came back 2 and a half years
later,grovelling that he was ready to be a dad

Fine

He went mental that I hadn’t chosen the name he’d chosen (I should have read his mind) and tried to take me to court to change his both his names (so say from John smith to Ferdinand duke)

He managed to get legal aid for this crap (was 16 years ago)

The judge slung it out with ‘you where not there during the pregnancy so you’ve got no say-you can fight to have your name on the birth certificate but it’s going to cost you’

The penny dropped not long after that if he wanted to be a father then it would cost him cold hard cash via the csa and he’d have to put time and more money to bring his child up (oh and I wasn’t going to give him a cheap shag when he wanted it)

Said child is now 18 and we’ve not seen him since

chickenpestopanini · 12/04/2022 14:19

Block him until the birth.

After the birth send him a quick text once you're ready with a name , birth date and birth weight. He doesn't need to know anything until then and you don't want to risk him turning up at the hospital. Get a CMS claim started so you don't have to talk about money with him.

He only gets to be added to the birth certificate if he attends the naming appointment. You're not required to tell him when that is and you can give baby your surname.

If he is serious about contact then he can get added to the birth certificate later and request contact but he can't change the baby's name or get 50/50 while baby is young (especially if you breastfeed)

Does he live near you? For 50/50 to work he'd need to live close enough to you for things like school when baby is older. If he takes you to mediation later then that's a massive consideration - children can't attend 2 schools
50/50

Original poster

newlyseparated · 12/04/2022 14:52

@Brightrainbow

My ex tried this

I fell pregnant,he fucked off and came back 2 and a half years
later,grovelling that he was ready to be a dad

Fine

He went mental that I hadn’t chosen the name he’d chosen (I should have read his mind) and tried to take me to court to change his both his names (so say from John smith to Ferdinand duke)

He managed to get legal aid for this crap (was 16 years ago)

The judge slung it out with ‘you where not there during the pregnancy so you’ve got no say-you can fight to have your name on the birth certificate but it’s going to cost you’

Said child is now 18 and we’ve not seen him since

@Brightrainbow I don't think he would be eligible for legal aid these days (I hope not!). Yeh I'm hoping if I make it hard for him he will lose interest and not fight, but he's very determined at the moment . THanks a lot

OP posts:

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