School holiday . I'm working. 13 yo won't do anything

[TheOrigRights]

Please help.

I am working (from home).
DS(13) won't do anything. His 2 close friends are not available. He will not contact any others.
He will not go out.
I can enable him to do stuff - take him somewhere to meet friends.
I can enable him to cook, do craft, do ANYTHING other than the xbox.
He will not. We have come to blows before 9am on day 1 of the holiday. I am in tears.

What can I actually do? What are all you parents who are better than me doing?
He says EVERYONE is busy and having fabulous times (they're not - they're also just sitting on xbox).

Sign him up for a PGC away camp for one week of the holiday - non negotiable. He can choose which one but he’s going - end of story

Take one week off yourself to spend together

Send him to his brother for a week

Buy a cheapy old moped and get him to fix it up
See if GAME/gaming places are doing any holiday competitions he can take part in

Offer to pay a tenner for each decent sized book he reads and writes a report on

Set a fitness challenge - 100 miles walked/run/cycled over 6 weeks etc etc

I will ask about about PGL (we went together a couple of years ago and had a lovely time), but I really don't want to send him away for a week if he'll hate it. It's a tricky age.

I will take some days off here and there, but I am saving my leave for winter when we're taking a longer trip abroad. There are times when I've thought about cancelling that trip so I can take more time off over the summer, but that would make me quite sad.

His brother lives in student digs. It would damage their relationship to send DS2 to him, but they are going away together for a week which will work well. Neutral grounds.

I'll look into the moped thing, and GAME comps (I don't know anything about this, so thanks for the heads up).

Paying him to read doesn't sit well with me. I want him to read for the pleasure, not to earn money.

The fitness challenge is a good one, and something I was thinking about.
He has a (sort of) home gym (just some dumb bells, a mat, and a punch bag) which is good when he's motivated.

We had a walk at lunch time and he's going to look to see if any of the local football camps need helpers. And surprisingly he said he'd attend a specific football camp if he can go with a friend.

His brother lives a long distance from us so he can't just drop by.

I have suggested I drop him at the gym or he cycle. He is reluctant. I think if he tried it and got into a routine he'd enjoy it though.

I don't know most of the parents of his friends, not since he moved to secondary school, and it's really not cool for parents to arrange childcare at this age.

He's more than welcome to have any of his friends over, he knows that. With me in the garden office they don't disturb me at all, and just get on with making lunch etc. It's just finding the friends! He's not one of the big crowd - has a few good mates. He's got mates at school, but we're fairly rural so they come in from all over the place - it's not just a matter of knocking for them.

Your garden sounds lovely - I don't have grass (just patio), nor a fire pit or table tennis. But we are in the middle of the countryside so he can go off and explore.

He'd have to cycle or me take him to and from a gym and that's fine (no regular busses). I can do that. This is why it's so frustrating. I can be very flexible.

Finding things to do when I'm not working isn't a problem - even if we're doing our own thing but at least together if you know what I mean.

We have recently watched all 9 Star Wars episodes over the course of a few weeks!

and a few face to face meet ups are expected and scheduled.

I really do try. He doesn't have that many friends and if some are busy or don't reply to messages then what?

Not really. Unless it was genuinely useful he wouldn't engage (fair enough, he's 13). I work for a scientific journal so it's quite niche and specialised.

Doing things together when I'm not working isn't a problem.
We do loads (we have football season tickets kicking in soon - he's a lucky boy).

I also am single mum with 13yo boy. Same problem.

First two weeks I have taken holiday. We will cycle, swim, visit family, cook together, etc.
When I am working, he will spend each lunchtime with me. I will drag him off his pc and make it his job to decide what is for supper & do some of the prep.
If I start at 8am I can finish at 4.30 and maybe we will still have time to do something.

But yours sounds fairly normal 😊

Mine is older now, but I used to pay him to do little chores like hang the washing out. A good tip I got on here was to leave a small amount of money rather than food each day, so they at least hax to leave the house to get food. Also dog walking if you have one is non negoitiable.

I've so been here. I've turned off wifi if he hasn't been out for 48 hours. Got him to do shopping with £5 for treats, unless you're too rural? Paid him for chores/ admin. Best of all, switching off my work bang on 5 and being there for evening chat. Or starting earlier and finishing earlier just to be around. It does seem to be absolutely normal, I'm afraid, and gaming is instead of lying on the bed with a book- there is some important relaxing going on.