Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

He went on holiday without her!

48 replies

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:32

3 years ago, my ex husband told our daughter, in a grand reveal, that he was taking her to Disneyworld in Florida. She was beyond excited!!! Unfortunately for both of them, the trip got rescheduled twice because of the pandemic. They were due to leave today.

There's been huge build up. He and his financee were very excited, as was our daughter. Beginning of last week, we both got Covid symptoms and tested positive. This meant she couldn't go, but she was ok because she was sure Daddy would reschedule. There was a heartbreaking phonecall (he didn't prepare me for this at all) where he told her that they had planned too much not to go, and so he and his financee (there are no other children) would still go.

She is devastated. I've spoken with him several times to try to persuade him to postpone the trip. I really pushed this when he asked for her pcr result so he could claim her bit back on insurance!!!

He only ever sees her in the school holidays, and in the end I had to tell him that if he couldn't promise her they'd go next year, I'll take her and he'll have to loose his Easter break with her and find time at the weekends to see her instead. He was fine with that.

So at least she knows that she will be going. But it doesn't take away the sting of what he's done. She keeps saying "He's supposed to be my Dad". It's heartbreaking. What on earth do I say to her?

Be gentle with me.... I'm recovering from Covid and now I'm paying for a holiday I didn't plan to take!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mowly77 · 03/04/2022 23:38

He’s a twat. What an awful thing to do to your daughter. If he really won’t reschedule then he should pay for your own holiday. I don’t know how old your DD is but can he talk to her himself? Take some accountability?

mowly77 · 03/04/2022 23:39

Because you can’t answer her questions appropriately - because telling her he’s a selfish dickhead is probably not for the best so get him to explain himself to your DD & take responsibility for the huge upset he’s caused.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 03/04/2022 23:40

What an arse! I’m sorry your cleaning his mess but feel proud that your daughter can rely on you to make things better. You don’t need to say much, just listen and hug her, let her see him for what his is.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:45

She's 13. After he text me to say she seemed Ok (earlier this week), I replied to say that was not the case at all, she's inconsolable and had me up until 1am talking about it, and that he needed to put this right with her.

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 03/04/2022 23:50

The very least he can do is pay for her share of the holiday when you go

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:52

I really feel sorry for her. Not only is she not in Florida, she's stuck at home with a mother who's been knocked sideways by covid. Today is my first day out of bed. I've had to bribe her to take the bins out.

OP posts:

HardbackWriter · 03/04/2022 23:52

I absolutely feel for your daughter - but are you sure he'd have been able to postpone the trip at this notice?

converseandjeans · 03/04/2022 23:55

That's awful. Was girlfriend part of original plan or was it supposed to just be the two of them? It seems unkind to go with girlfriend.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:55

@toomuchlaundry

The very least he can do is pay for her share of the holiday when you go

She said that too. He simply won't. He's given her £170 and said he'll give her the same again when I take her out there (she points out this is crap, as I was putting up spending money when h was taking her). He said she should let him know if there's anything she'd like him to get her.... I've helped her write a list. She's also sent her a tonne of sweets. Which she stress ate in an hour.

Selfish spineless man child twat.

OP posts:

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:57

@converseandjeans

That's awful. Was girlfriend part of original plan or was it supposed to just be the two of them? It seems unkind to go with girlfriend.

Financee was part of the plan (and I suspect the real reason he's still going... She was unreasonably excited about character breakfasts)

OP posts:

Stripyhoglets · 03/04/2022 23:57

How awful of him - I'd definitely ask him to pay for her part of the trip when you go and he needs to understand how heartbroken she is and that he has alot to do to make it up to her. Selfish arse!

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 03/04/2022 23:59

@HardbackWriter

I absolutely feel for your daughter - but are you sure he'd have been able to postpone the trip at this notice?

Travel insurance with covid cover. The type I buy would certainly have covered this. He could have said that as her caregivers, they also couldn't go.

OP posts:

Neverreturntoathread · 04/04/2022 00:06

I’m so sorry. How on earth can he enjoy his holiday having ditched his daughter?

That’s awful 😭

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 04/04/2022 00:12

@Neverreturntoathread

I’m so sorry. How on earth can he enjoy his holiday having ditched his daughter?

That’s awful 😭

It's not something I could imagine doing. He's clearly offloading some guilt by sending her money and sweets, and agreeing to buy her whatever she wants. Is not going to repair the harm it's done her though.

It's hearing her say "He's supposed to be my Dad" - its really getting to me. He's throwing so much away with choices like this.

I can't bare seeing her hurt like this.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 04/04/2022 00:18

Financee was part of the plan (and I suspect the real reason he's still going... She was unreasonably excited about character breakfasts)

So he's prioritising his GF over his DD. I doubt the relationship will recover.

Blossomtoes · 04/04/2022 00:22

Bastard. He’s a complete fuckwit because she’ll never forget this and possibly never forgive him. What possesses them?

TheHoleNineYards · 04/04/2022 00:24

This is awful. I can’t believe any parent would think it was okay

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 04/04/2022 00:24

We already been to mediation once because he was upset their relationship wasn't stronger and so he was claiming parental alienation. Luckily that all stopped after the mediation session, after the mediator suggested child-led mediation as a next step.

OP posts:

Hapoydayz · 04/04/2022 00:25

What a cunt. How a father could do this is beyond me. She will never forget. At least she has you.

Chloemol · 04/04/2022 00:51

I hope when she says she doesn’t want to go and stay with him you don’t force her

Shitty as it is, and he is a complete twat, she now knows she is not the priority in his life and will remember that. No amount of sweet bribery will change tbat

3peassuit · 04/04/2022 10:07

It’s a shitty thing to do to his child and not something she’ll forgive in a hurry.
I’m going to Florida with my DD and DGD next month and our insurance covers circumstances like this. He should have rescheduled.

IceVolcanoes · 04/04/2022 10:16

Your poor DD.

I think all you can do is tell her the bare facts. And be there for her. Getting her some counselling if she’s up for talking to someone to help her learn that it’s not her - it’s him.

My dad did something remarkably similar to me at the same age. He promised my sister and I a trip to Disney in Florida. A couple of days before we were due to go, he decided that he was angry at my mum so to punish her he decided not to take us. He took my aunt and my cousin instead. When they returned, he took me to visit them so I could look at their holiday photos.

He didn’t even have a covid-like excuse. Thing is, it speaks volumes about the man and his character. It took me til I was 20 to properly realise that I did not have to subject myself to his toxic crap anymore. And I cut contact. Two decades ago.

He will die old and lonely. And he will deserve to.

Clymene · 04/04/2022 10:17

Let's hope things work out with the girlfriend. Because he's just destroyed his relationship with his daughter.

What an absolute shitstain of a human being

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/04/2022 10:38

I'd ask what he and his girlfriend would do if they had a child together who tested positive. Clearly they'd reschedule.

Which means he doesn't even treat his own dd as if she is his child.

BuanoKubiamVej · 04/04/2022 10:48

You don't have to defend his shitty behaviour or downplay what this means.

Your DD is right to understand that any reasonable parent would obviously and unquestioningly reschedule a holiday like this if one child got covid.

That he decided to go without her speaks volumes. I don't doubt that he is a shit. Sooner or later your DD was always going to find out this information for herself.

The quality of the relationship he has with his daughter does actually depend on his own actions. His actions have been very very clear about where his priorities are.

Flip

1 2