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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Alone and Upset

37 replies

LoneLou · 04/01/2008 17:20

Help! My X walked out on me New years Day and it's my 30th tomorrow (talk about a kick in the teeth), he told me he was leaving me for someone he'd been seeing for 2 months. We'd been going out for 7 years and we have a 5 year old, he's gorgeous.

I feel so alone but know I have to be strong for our boy. I have no idea whats going on inside his head, he's so young.

He's already met the other woman, but only introduced as daddys friend, as we both agreed. He seems to like her, which makes me both happy and angry, he has to like her I suppose.

I just need someone to hear me!

OP posts:
mummyfantastico · 04/01/2008 17:29

poor you, it's horrible isn't it? Sending lots of hugs and support your way xxx

pinguthepenguin · 04/01/2008 17:31

My god, he walked on New year's Day and your child has already met other woman? Sounds like your ex is a lovely man, ( about as nice as mine I might add). Its perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do regarding your child meeting her- you've barley had 2 miniutes to get your head around it.
This is terrible for you, and as I'm going through a pretty similar situation, I know how you must be feeling. There are plenty of people on here who've helped me and I'm sure they'll come along soon.

x

pinguthepenguin · 04/01/2008 17:32

barley = barely (!)

Original poster
LoneLou · 04/01/2008 17:43

Thanks for the words of support.

I know I'll get over him (because I do want him back) but I just want that day to hurry up.

I'm just scared that our little boy would want to live with them because he has the stereo typical family with her and I'm obviously on my own. I don't want to lose him to her as well!

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 04/01/2008 17:48

LoneLou, you are not going to lose your ds - he loves you so much and at the moment need the security and love you offer. He doesn't care about stereotypical he wants his mum that he knows is there for him

Original poster
LoneLou · 04/01/2008 19:29

I am definitely there for him, it's hard to keep a brave face on when I'm with him, but I do.

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 04/01/2008 20:58

Lou i am going through same thing, you sound so calm seeing as it only happened 3 days ago!
for me it was 4 months ago but still feels so raw and painful. Your ds will never be taken from you but i truly understand what it feels like to worry about your children with your dh's new woman.

Original poster
LoneLou · 05/01/2008 07:41

up early again can't sleep

hope it all goes away soon

OP posts:
yogimum · 05/01/2008 08:01

lonelou its very early days and it will take you time to get over this but you will. If I was you I would be getting legal advice asap especially to sort out financial support for you and your children. Does this other woman have children? She may not be so loved up with dh when she realises he has responsibilities!

orangehead · 05/01/2008 08:51

oh lonelou Im sorry you going through this. I have been through a similar thing x walked out on me with a newborn and a toddler. They dont half pick good timmings do they. It is early days please be kind to yourself. You are bound to have all mixed up feelings. Regarding your son he is young and needs his mummy and will for a long time, I would not worry about him wanting to leave because no other woman can replace you. From my experience, and friends, any father that can walk out on young children is not much of a father and unfortunetly over time show thier true colours esp when the ow doesnt want to lose thier freedom at the weekend. I agree with yogi that you need to get legal advice and do things officially. It often happens that at first they are amicable regarding fiances but after a while it often changes, wheather that is because they start resent giving you 'thier' money or wheather the ow starts moaning about it I dont know. Hope you have a good day today, keep coming on here to get support

elesbells · 05/01/2008 08:57

happy birthday lou. stay strong for you and your boy x

MuthaHubbard · 05/01/2008 13:43

You will always be his mum. No matter what happens between you and x and ow, nothing will ever change that.

It is very, very early days and you are doing very, very well.

Original poster
LoneLou · 05/01/2008 18:13

Thanks for this everyone.

OH MY GOD today (my birthday) I very nearly bumped into my X I was literally feet away he was with her, so I have now seen her holding hands and looking very happy with him. I felt so angry and very jealous, the worst bit was my little boy was in the car looking at them, what must be going on in his head?

She has got a child, he's 7 (his dad doesn't see him but he does see her other x whom apparently he considered to be more of a dad). My little boy seems to get along with him, I know he's only seen him a couple of times.

I thought things were getting slightly better until I saw HER with him. I miss him so much.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 05/01/2008 19:47

Lonelou, dont keep to much of a brave face on with your ds - he may think then that you dont care that daddy has gone of with another lady. Your son, although he doesn't need to see you in crisis, he needs to see that you cry, that it hurts and your human. Grieve for what could have been a marriage and family life, do this greiving and then move on with your life having let go.

let your son know that it is ok to be sad that daddy has gone to live somewhere else, let your son know that you are not going to leave him (this is one worry children have, one parent leaves will the other?). Let your son know though that you two will be alright and probably later in the year you will have settled down together - things will be different yes, but things will be happy again.

You can't know what is going on in their heads, but you can help them work through things and help them know that they will be happy again.

yogimum · 05/01/2008 19:56

Happy Birthday btw.

Original poster
LoneLou · 05/01/2008 21:45

The thing is ivykaty44 my son doesn't know daddys left for another lady, we thought it best to tell him mummy and daddy aren't friends and can't live together. When son did meet HER he was introduced as daddys friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoneLou · 05/01/2008 22:33

Can't believe this my emotions are unreal. Up and down all the time.
Oh god this is horrible

OP posts:
Scramble · 06/01/2008 00:16

Your emotions will go up and down, it is horrible. One minute I desperatly wanted exH back the next I wanted to kill him or at the very least never see him again. It will settle down and then you can start to get your head around it and plan your future. Hang on sweetie it will get better.

jezzemx · 06/01/2008 00:26

{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you and your gorgeous boy x

ivykaty44 · 06/01/2008 00:34

Your ds isn't silly - my dd1 was 5 and she knew - daddy's friend was his gf. Even if your son doesn't know the gf bit or is confussed about it - which is probably likely, what I am saying is dont shut of all your emotion.

Your son just needs to know you care, that you have feelings etc.

I know it not easy, it will get easier and you will wake up one morning and think O I have the rest of my life in front of me.

Magdelanian · 06/01/2008 00:37

Hi Lonelou, you have come to a nice place for support, but do you have support in RL?

Just take one day at a time, your feelings in this situation are perfectly understandable. I hope that mumsnet can help and that you have good support.

It seems too soon for you to have all these changes thrown at you. Keep hold of your lovely boy, no-one can take his mummys place.

Janos · 06/01/2008 13:18

Sorry you are going through this LoneLou. You will find lots of great support on here.

What a selfish thoughtless man your ex is to put you through this. I am so sorry.

What RL support do you have? Family and/or friends nearby?

Thinking of you x

Original poster
LoneLou · 06/01/2008 16:59

I feel so sad to say this but I have no friends, I have recently come out of a very bad bout of depression and just didn't contact friends I shut myself away really, the past 3-4 months I have finally come out of it and my life has changed new job I was very happy, but then I find out my X has been seeing someone else. He stuck by me throughout my depression, he was my only friend so I can't understand why when I was better he was seeing someone else it's so confusing.

I saw him today when he came to pick little boy up. It started off amicable then he got abit funny when I stated time to bring little boy back, he said it was down to both of us when to bring him back but I said you walked out on both of us so why should you dictate to me, does anybody know where I stand with this??? HELP

We both ageed that the courts were not an option coz we didn't want to put our son through that so I'm hoping that will be that but he also said he was going to get parental rights? should I be wary???

OP posts:
Original poster
LoneLou · 06/01/2008 17:00

How can he do this to me??

OP posts:
katylessbumpy · 06/01/2008 17:16

sorry no advice to offer but didn't want to read and run .is there anybody in rl you can talk to or just get hug from?
sorry if that has already been asked.

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