Ex wants to stop maintenance; what could happen?

[coughup]

Ex and I split in 2017. We have three kids who are now 14,12 and 7. Since the split he has had them every other Friday to Thursday term time with me having them all half terms and half each of Easter, Christmas and summer (I work term time only, he doesn't). It worked fairly well. I do all the kids' life admin, appointments etc and have occasionally been frustrated with things like he isn't consistent about rules to do with phone use at night for our daughter who is 12 and has a few mental health struggles but in general it was ok. We used the gov.uk calculator to work out maintenance based on this amount of nights per year and his salary back in 2017 and he paid that monthly ever since, no change. He is still in the same job although I don't know his current salary. He bought a house nearby and has done it up very nicely. He is not hard up.

At the end of 2021 I inherited some money, some of which I invested and some of which I put aside to extend my house. The work is starting next month. The week after I inherited (he knows this because it was the proceeds of a probate house sale) he messaged to say he wants the kids 50:50. He admitted fairly quickly that he doesn't see why he should pay anything to me now I'm "financially independent". I was very upset by this and accused him of trying to appropriate the money left to me by my parents. He denied this, while still being clear that asking for more contact is about the money for him.

I really don't want to change the kids' arrangements. What he has with them is enough. I suggested he keep contact the same but reduce the maintenance by 45% and he agreed after a very expensive mediation session. This idea was stupid of me because I don't think I can afford to pay all the bills now. I've cut back on more or less all luxuries and am just managing but will have to dip into savings for any emergencies and to buy kids birthday gifts etc.

I am thinking of using the CMS to pursue him for maintenance calculated on his salary and fully expect him to then apply for a court order to get 50:50 contact.

My questions are:

How long will CMS take to process my claim? If anyone with experience can let me know I'd be v grateful.

How long will family court proceedings take to reach a resolution in these covid times?

I am fairly confident he won't be successful in his application to change contact because my solicitor told me the court is very reluctant to change the status quo unless it is demonstrated to be in children's best interests. I think I can argue that it's in their interests to leave things as they are. I'd like a resolution though because I'm very stressed about this.

Thanks for reading! Any advice/anecdotes gratefully received; thank you.

Child maintenance is for the upkeep of children, not you, do your financial ‘independence’ has nothing to do with child maintenance.

Thanks for kind replies.

I'm very very reluctant to bring this to the kids - I hate the thought of asking them to choose between us and I try to do what I can to avoid saying negative things about him/his parenting.

The poster who said about me scrimping... that really touched me because I've tried really hard to keep my finances to myself but my worry is obvious from things like changed shopping habits, getting on at them about lights on, not doing unnecessary loads of washing etc and it bleeds into their consciousness. My youngest said today, "when we stop being poor can I try a Mars Bar please?" And while I obviously can afford to get him a Mars bar today if I wanted to - we're not totally on our uppers yet - I was absolutely gutted that he thinks we're poor. I explained that we're ok and we're lucky to have a home that's warm and enough to eat etc but I'm so sad that my fretting had led him to think a Mars bar might be a treat beyond reach. It sounds silly and funny to read that back but honestly I felt so sad when he said it

What's changed OP? Your ex seems to have the kids a lot.... so it seems a bit odd he wants to go 50/50.

The amount OP recieves is her business and tbh I had a feeling you was going to post your kids dad is a high earner it was obvious from you stating the 45% (good for you anyway).

Court can be messy and things can get nasty. The judge could well rule EOW and 1 overnight stay during the week... tread carefully.

If you was to agree to a 50/50 arrangement where would the 7 year old go in the school holidays throughout the year? Who would pay for childcare?

@Piggyk2

What's changed OP? Your ex seems to have the kids a lot.... so it seems a bit odd he wants to go 50/50.

The amount OP recieves is her business and tbh I had a feeling you was going to post your kids dad is a high earner it was obvious from you stating the 45% (good for you anyway).

Court can be messy and things can get nasty. The judge could well rule EOW and 1 overnight stay during the week... tread carefully.

If you was to agree to a 50/50 arrangement where would the 7 year old go in the school holidays throughout the year? Who would pay for childcare?

All that's changed is I inherited, plus the kids are a bit older and less labour intensive than when they were little I guess.

He can't say how he's going to manage school holidays. The implication is he will work from home and DS2 can just pootle about his house

So sad to hear about the Mars a bar OP too. As if your DC thought you were poor! He's obviously picked that up from some where OP... the only thing is if you work you shouldn't really be needing to cut back of luxuries to the extent your kids think a chocolate is some type of amazing treat

@Piggyk2

So sad to hear about the Mars a bar OP too. As if your DC thought you were poor! He's obviously picked that up from some where OP... the only thing is if you work you shouldn't really be needing to cut back of luxuries to the extent your kids think a chocolate is some type of amazing treat

I know! I feel bad because I thought i was doing an ok job of hiding how concerned I am!

I do work and am picking up extra bits but it's costing me more to get to work, more to pay utility bills etc, food costing more... I am ok until something bad happens and then I'll have to use the money put aside for the building work (paid a deposit that I can't afford to lose!). If the car needed work, or the boiler bust, for example, I've got no leeway.

I'll be fine, but like you say - with a good job my kids shouldn't be worried about affording little treats like chocolate and stuff, although DS2 does have no concept of how much stuff costs so we shouldn't take that too seriously. It's more that he's picked up that we're "poor"

@coughup

CMS calculator awarded me £700 a month based on 40:60 contact for 3 kids and his salary in 2017. I've never asked for more. If he has had any pay rise since then they will say he owes more. Lots of recent posters seem to think I'm trying to scam him or am grabby. I'm not. I just financially regret letting him off the money he legally should pay me as resident parent in order to protect my kids from more of his lax parenting.

Pay £20 start a claim with cms doesn't mean you are going through them but every year you will get to know what he earns the previous tax year then you can decide if you want to claim through them and he might back pedal a bit. If he is a very high earner and you spilt the children 50:50 he could still be liable to pay cms

This prick needs to pay for his children.
Contact CMS right away and get things rolling.
My ex skipped off abroad for 18 years to avoid paying and at one point I was working three jobs to pay my mortgage. It was hell and my son had to come home to an empty house.
No more Mr Nice Guy from you, stop pandering to this dead beat dad and make him pay the correct amount.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky sorry that happened to you and your children.

I will say that my ex has been very sheepish since this all went down; I think he's feeling guilty - not enough to just bloody pay what he's supposed to though

The older 2 would be allowed to dictate what contact they had. If they say that they like the current routine then they'd be legally allowed to maintain that.