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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex won't share passports

42 replies

learningmore · 28/01/2022 13:05

Please excuse me being a bloke asking for advice - Ex says she has passports for the children. However, I've never seen the passposts and neither have the kids so I'm not sure the passports exist. I have asked Ex for copies of the passports but she refuses. This has been going on for years. I would like proof of whether the kids even have passports. The passport office won't help without the number on the passports. If ex continues to refuse to cooperate then we can't ever have a holiday abroad. What should I do?

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 13:05

Apply for passports yourself?

Original poster

learningmore · 28/01/2022 13:35

@IncompleteSenten

Apply for passports yourself?

The problem with that is I will have to say whether the passports are missing, stolen or a first application and I don't know the answer. I may also need ex to sign the application.

OP posts:

Justkeeppedaling · 28/01/2022 13:36

Report them stolen.

DurhamDurham · 28/01/2022 13:37

Don't report them stolen, the passport office may well write to the resident parent to get written confirmation about this and then you'll just look dishonest.

DDUZ · 28/01/2022 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Soontobe60 · 28/01/2022 13:40

If she is keeping them as a way of stopping you taking them abroad, you’ll have to go to court to get permission. The subject of their passports will come up then.

ivykaty44 · 28/01/2022 13:41

go to a solicitor and get a letter written, maybe a threat of being taken to court will jog her/his memory about the passports.

Soontobe60 · 28/01/2022 13:42

Actually, have they ever been abroad? How long have you been asking? If it’s over 5 years then the passports could be out of date anyway. How old are the children, and were you married?

Akire · 28/01/2022 13:44

Sounds like the issue is really she doesn’t want you to take children abroad. We see this from time to time where ex usualy the father will refuse to give permission. You can take them to court for permission and unless they have serious reason they will have to give permission. However quite how long she will drag feet about giving you passports or the information after this is another matter. Can you afford take legal advice on this? It’s a really spiteful thing to do.

Justkeeppedaling · 28/01/2022 13:50

Well, report them lost then? Or just "missing"?

beautifullymad · 28/01/2022 13:52

The passports are clearly 'missing'. You don't have them, you haven't seen the despite your best efforts.

You could try to report them missing and go from there.

Inspectorslack · 28/01/2022 13:54

Go to court.

Viviennemary · 28/01/2022 13:55

I agree with getting a solicitors letter. Or you could write to her yourself and ask her to confirm in writing whether on not the children have passports.

forlornlorna · 28/01/2022 13:55

Why do you need copies?

Marmight · 28/01/2022 14:03

Don't waste money on a solicitors letter that can just be ignored.
Take her to court for a specific Issue order for taking the kids on holiday this year and make sure that she needs to clarify the whereabouts of the passports and let you have them if they exist, for the holiday.
If they don't exist or they have expired, you can apply as long as there is no CAO with her as the resident parent
Form C100 and £215

Original poster

learningmore · 28/01/2022 14:42

The children have never been abroad before. Pre-Covid I organised a short holiday abroad. The children had been very excited about it, but days before Ex told them the plane could crash so they became frightened of going on the plane and then Ex refused to hand them over as they had become frighted of flying so we couldn't go.

We have a court order in place for which nights the kids stay with me but we have to agree dates for going on holidays. Solicitors letters have been sent to try to arrange holiday time but she ignores them which has resulted in me having to take it back to court. Part of the application to vary the order is to ask her to share the passports but I don't yet have a final hearing date.

It has occurred to me that I've never actually seen the passports and neither have the kids seen them. I have asked ex for copies but she refuses. Therefore I don't know whether to say the passports have been lost or to make a new application. On the other-hand perhaps I should just keep asking ex and if she continues to refuse then I could mention it at the next court hearing but that could be a year away.

As I type this I am thinking that even if I get passports then she will try anything to put the kids off going on holiday with me anyway.

A bit of background, we reversed traditional roles as I was the one at home looking after the children whilst she had a great career. The divorce hasn't yet been finalised.

OP posts:

Original poster

learningmore · 28/01/2022 15:04

@forlornlorna

Why do you need copies?

so that I'm sure the passports exist. Else I may book a holiday abroad in the future and cant go if they have no passports. If I am sure they have passports then at least I can apply to a court for ex to hand them over so we can go on holiday.

OP posts:

Winterautumn · 30/01/2022 09:11

I wouldn’t give my ex the children’s passports and let them be taken out the country without my permission. (Valid reasons) There may be a reason, you’d be better trying to speak with her directly and reasonably about your plans. She may be worried about her children’s well-being.

Original poster

learningmore · 30/01/2022 12:31

@Winterautumn

I have asked for copies of the passports so that I know whether the passports even exist but ex won't cooperate.

OP posts:

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 30/01/2022 12:43

Does she have any valid reason for worrying that you may abscond with them? Do you have links to any other countries where you could take your children and stay and she would be unable to get them back?

If the answer to the above is no then I think the best option would be to go to court and request permission in writing for holidays abroad and shared use of the passports.

If the answer to the above is yes then honestly I hope you don't get access to the passports as I would understand her concerns.

Original poster

learningmore · 30/01/2022 14:03

I don't have links to any other countries. We already have court permission for holidays but ex refuses to follow the orders. I have applied to the court for passports to be shared but it could take a year before the next court date.

OP posts:

J7510 · 05/02/2022 11:56

Tough for you op

All you can do, is every now and then talk about it casually,reassure YOUR children about how exciting it is to be on a plane & at the airport ,remind them that their friends
do it,their grandparents do it,etc etc
Tell them it is as safe as any transport.

You cannot control what their mum says to them but you can counteract it your end.
It is a huge shame their mum is anxious about this & withholding help.

J7510 · 05/02/2022 11:57

How about Mediation?

Original poster

learningmore · 05/02/2022 14:06

I tried mediation. The mediator got her to agree holiday dates and then she ignored the agreement. I asked again for mediation but she refused. She then refused to respond to solicitors letters and so unfortunately I've had to take it back to court.

I try reassuring the children. One of them is fine but the other worried how their mum would react if they went on holiday with me.

OP posts:

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/02/2022 14:11

How old are the kids? What's the contact agreement? Is it 50/50? Can you persuade via the courts an agreement re holidays?

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