Page 2 | Ex won't share passports

learningmore · 2022-01-28T13:05:22+00:00

Please excuse me being a bloke asking for advice - Ex says she has passports for the children. However, I've never seen the passposts and neither have the kids so I'm not sure the passports exist. I have asked Ex for copies of the passports but she refuses. This has been going on for years. I would like proof of whether the kids even have passports. The passport office won't help without the number on the passports. If ex continues to refuse to cooperate then we can't ever have a holiday abroad. What should I do?

ferrychristmas · 05/02/2022 14:21

You can take them to Ireland without passports, or go in a Uk holiday.
It sounds like she is being deliberately difficult about this and it is unfair for you and the kids. But as you say you have tried and keep being thwarted. So in terms of what can you do next, take the kids away within the Uk or Ireland. There are lots of fun adventures to be had.

They'll get the pleasure, she might get her head around that it is good for you to take them in holiday and it is the kids she is hurting by blocking (or she might not but live in hope. )
Do what you can and rise above.
As they say, you can't control someone else's actions, but you can control how you react. Don't let her goad you into further acrimony.

J7510 · 05/02/2022 17:42

I would do that too, have a holiday closer to home.
So much choice of places to go.

Things change with time,people mellow, and other priorities crop up,so this situation may be temporary.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/02/2022 17:48

@J7510

I would do that too, have a holiday closer to home. So much choice of places to go.

Things change with time,people mellow, and other priorities crop up,so this situation may be temporary.

Would you advise the same to a mum who was having her children's passports withheld by their dad?

J7510 · 05/02/2022 18:08

Yes I think so,yes because right now this poster doesn't have another choice.

SomePosters · 05/02/2022 18:11

Unbelievable

Wtf is with people encouraging him to report them lost

No wonder so many people struggle to coparent successfully

SomePosters · 05/02/2022 18:12

Take them on holiday in the U.K. while you deal with the courts.

Sorry you are struggling. Co parenting is hard but as long as you prioritise what is best for your kids they will see and appreciate it in the long run

SoupDragon · 05/02/2022 18:17

@SomePosters

Unbelievable

Wtf is with people encouraging him to report them lost

No wonder so many people struggle to coparent successfully

Well, some people can't co parent successfully because the other parent does not cooperate, ignores court orders and withholds information and items. Like the OP's ex appears to be doing.

Lalala1 · 05/02/2022 22:55

How old are the kids? If old enough they should remember getting the photos took? You say they’ve never been abroad if you know that for sure then I doubt they have passports they only last 5 years for kids highly doubt they would have unless they’ve been abroad or she has a holiday booked

I got my daughters passports with just my signature I’m sure I did write his name on form(can’t remember) but I didn’t need to send any of his ID like I did mine

FoamBurst · 07/02/2022 14:07

Go back to court.
DH had to. It now states he has to gibe her 4 weeks notice for any holiday abroad and she has to give him their passport 2 weeks prior and passport to return with child after holiday.

He also got all holiday dates set in stone ie 2nd and 3rd week of summer. 2nd Week easter. Every other Xmas eve to Xmas day. Or Xmas day to boxing day.

Original poster

learningmore · 26/02/2022 06:13

An update.. ex says she refuses to share the kids passports as she paid for them. There is no chance of reasoning with her. If you question anything and don't do what she says then she hurts you even more.

OP posts:

PAFMO · 26/02/2022 06:24

As others have said, you need to take legal action.
There are often threads like this where the father attempts to prevent the mother from travelling with the children and the courts have to get involved.
Speak to a solicitor, and good luck.

wildseas · 26/02/2022 06:32

If that’s the case you could offer to pay half the cost of passports..... perhaps not unreasonable if you’re both using them.

TreasuredMim · 26/02/2022 06:49

Why make an issue of this when you know it will aggravate ex and make co- parenting difficult for everyone? Just take the kids on holiday in the UK, have a nice time and try to build some bridges with ex for the sake of the kids. Yes, she may be unreasonable and difficult but choose your battles more wisely. Kids don't need a holiday abroad but they do need at least an illusion of parents who aren't constantly angry with each other.

Billybagpuss · 26/02/2022 06:56

@learningmore

An update.. ex says she refuses to share the kids passports as she paid for them. There is no chance of reasoning with her. If you question anything and don't do what she says then she hurts you even more.

I don’t think you have any choice but to go back to court. Make sure you keep all the texts and other correspondence as evidence.

whyohwhy3 · 26/02/2022 07:34

@TreasuredMim

Why make an issue of this when you know it will aggravate ex and make co- parenting difficult for everyone? Just take the kids on holiday in the UK, have a nice time and try to build some bridges with ex for the sake of the kids. Yes, she may be unreasonable and difficult but choose your battles more wisely. Kids don't need a holiday abroad but they do need at least an illusion of parents who aren't constantly angry with each other.

This is ridiculous! Op has every right to take his children on holiday wherever he wants. The ex doesn't have the right to control him like this

PAFMO · 26/02/2022 07:41

@TreasuredMim

Why make an issue of this when you know it will aggravate ex and make co- parenting difficult for everyone? Just take the kids on holiday in the UK, have a nice time and try to build some bridges with ex for the sake of the kids. Yes, she may be unreasonable and difficult but choose your battles more wisely. Kids don't need a holiday abroad but they do need at least an illusion of parents who aren't constantly angry with each other.

Mumsnet double standards alive and kicking. If this was the father withholding the documents and effectively refusing access to the children, it would (quite rightly) be classed as abuse, and possible against any legal custody terms. That it's the mother doing it makes it no less so.

OhamIreally · 04/03/2022 09:54

Passports are expensive. When I got a passport for my DD my ex just expected to be able to use it.

I explained I had applied and paid for a passport as I wanted to be able to take DD abroad and that if he wanted to do the same he should pay half. He transferred me half the cost and I make the passport available to him whenever he asks.