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Original poster

He says I’m ruining his life and I need to abort the baby

36 replies

TheNightWeMet · 25/01/2022 02:00

I’ve posted earlier on this board so sorry for posting again on a different topic to do with the father of my unborn child.

He has been texting me all night saying to think of him, I’m ruining his life, and I need to get rid of the baby. He has said some really upsetting things. The one thing I feel I can’t do is get rid of the baby. I don’t know how to respond to the things he is saying. I’ve told him I don’t want a penny from him and he can get on with his life if he doesn’t want to be in the baby’s which he doesn’t. I’m so distressed and no matter what I say to him he just tells me to get rid of it. Has anyone else been in this position? I’m so upset.

OP posts:
MinimumChips · 25/01/2022 02:25

I haven’t been in this situation and am so sorry you are. Seeing his messages is not going to help you or change either of your minds, so I suggest you block him so you can get some rest and then concentrate on moving ahead with your plans. Continuing to communicate will just lead to further distress.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 25/01/2022 02:40

Is he harrassing you?

He needs to back off.

Let him know that you have screen shots of all conversations.

TheBeesKnee · 25/01/2022 02:41

It's 2am. At this point you need to block him or turn your phone on airplane mode, put in another room, anything, and not engage.

alexdgr8 · 25/01/2022 02:52

send one last message, thus:
do not contact me again, or i will regard it as harassment and i will contact the police.

mathanxiety · 25/01/2022 02:59

Any man who asks you to choose between his own baby and him is a piece of pond scum.

He will always have some test for you. He will always avoid true intimacy with you by tests of loyalty, accusations, holding you responsible for his feelings and how the relationship is going.

He has set this relationship up as a series of tests for you. You will always have to prove something to him. He is setting you up in a game you will always lose.

Whether you decide to keep this baby or not, do not continue this relationship .

Dump this man. He will bring misery into your life. You will end up a shell of yourself. He will ruin your life.

TooBigForMyBoots · 25/01/2022 03:02

He has been texting me all night saying to think of him...

Yeah, don't do that. Think of you @TheNightWeMet.Brew

Saltyquiche · 25/01/2022 03:31

Mute him or block him for a few days. Text beforehand explaining you’re struggling with unsupportive texts and planning a quiet few days to look after yourself

Suzi888 · 25/01/2022 03:33

@alexdgr8

send one last message, thus: do not contact me again, or i will regard it as harassment and i will contact the police.
^ This Your body, your choice.
Shmithecat2 · 25/01/2022 03:36

Block him and get on with your life.

CheekyHobson · 25/01/2022 03:58

The only thing you need to abort is your relationship with this controlling, selfish and irresponsible asshole.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 25/01/2022 04:06

This is a tricky one and difficult. I can understand his position it is terrifying, not what he wants and totally out of his control. At the end of the day though as you are carrying the baby it is your decision because it is your body. If you really want to keep the baby then you must do that.

I think people are correct that if you have made your mind up. Find out what child support he should pay as a minimum. Get a formal letter drawn up, send it, send your bank details and then try to keep all communications formal after that. Easier said than done though.

unicornsarereal72 · 25/01/2022 07:23

Please block him. Tell him this is harassment and you do not want to hear from him any further.

Take sometime and know you will be able to do this without him. I'm sure you have other people around you who will step up.

Also don't tell him you don't want 'a penny'. It maybe that's you can support yourself but he is also the child's father and should as a minimum provide for the baby. If he doesn't want anything to do with the child that tells you volumes. As does his actions right now. Please do not have this man in your life. He will not enhance it at all.

ihateliningup · 26/01/2022 12:15

Yes I have. I didn't contact him again, moved house and kept my baby.

He's not entitled to harass you because you're pregnant. Tell him clearly to stop, then contact the police if he continues.

If you want to continue your pregnancy then do so. Being a single mum was hard but there were no other options for me, the second I knew I was pregnant I was connected to my baby.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/01/2022 12:17

Block him

Go to CMS once babies born and go to direct payment so that your baby gets what it needs from the sperm donor

2DogsOnMySofa · 26/01/2022 13:56

Text him and tell him to stop contacting you, if he contacts you again you'll report him to the police. If he contacts you again report him via the nine emergency number and then block him

cherryonthecakes · 26/01/2022 20:20

You need to block him.
If you want to tell him when the baby is born then you can unblock him to let him know but there's no reason to have him unblocked.

VioletOcean · 26/01/2022 20:46

13 years ago I was the OW, had been diagnosed with MH. Fell pregnant and I remember him saying his life will be ruined if I had it, he sent me a pic of him with a sad face lying in his bed. I couldn’t tell what was right as my MH was absolutely shocking. I terminated the pregnancy and I regretted it the day I went home having taken 2nd lot of tablets. I ended having sec with a cold worker 7 months later and had my youngest DC. I craved having a child.
I told his wife 5 years ago and sent her the image he’d sent me and his dick pics he’d sent. Don’t know why guess I wanted someone to feel pain

VioletOcean · 26/01/2022 20:47

Sex with a coworker.. though he was quite cold

MananaTomorrow · 26/01/2022 20:51

@alexdgr8

send one last message, thus: do not contact me again, or i will regard it as harassment and i will contact the police.
Yep. That one!

He doesn’t get to decide or put pressure in you to do anything regarding this pregnancy. He had a choice and that was when he had sex with you (condom, no having sex, whatever)

MananaTomorrow · 26/01/2022 20:51

@TheNightWeMet has he left you alone today?

LightSpeeds · 26/01/2022 21:16

...I’m ruining his life, and I need to get rid of the baby.

You need to get rid of him...

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 26/01/2022 21:22

OP I hope you're doing ok. Have you blocked him?

Mischance · 26/01/2022 21:24

Why are you speaking to him? How is it that he is able to say these things to you?

Just cut him out.

Crayzeefrog · 26/01/2022 21:29

Why are you letting him get away with not paying for his own child. Change your mind and message asking if he’ll be paying you monthly or would he prefer to go through CMS? I guarantee he will suddenly be ignoring you. Job done.

SiempreDot · 27/01/2022 00:12

I was you. Five years ago, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and the father behaved exactly as you described. He couldnt understand this was happening to him and begged and blackmailed me to terminate my pregnancy. He would repeatedly phone my work and my home to the point that I took out an injunction. He persuaded me to move from my dream life and career to his city and then walked out on me weeks after the baby was born. I now see it all as a test because motherhood demands you are a bear that will protect her cub. Men come and go but you and your baby are the real deal and you will find all the loving ferocity inside you.

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