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Original poster

Online date not replying to text, is he still interested?

36 replies

Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 08:52

Got chatting to a nice guy online dating site (a paid for one as was trying to avoid serial shaggers). He asked me out and we had a lunch date that he traveled to me for. Went well with good conversation and banter, feel we were attracted to eachother. There was a follow up text and he said he would like to see me again but is yet to suggest another date! Is he stringing me along? We have chatted loads on WhatsApp and he has been messaging me back instantly until the last one I sent him yesterday where i tried to pin him to a date. He's been online since but still hasn't replied. Why would he say he wants another date but then not commit? Anyone have experience of this with old?

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pisspants · 09/01/2022 09:18

I had this recently and it's very confusing! But OLD is like the wild west and people just seem to drop in and out all the time. When was your first date?

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 09:20

Thanks for the reply @pisspants . We were chatting a couple weeks ago and he asked me for a date last Sunday.

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Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 09:21

@pisspants did you ever get an explanation or did they just stop messaging you. It is confusing especially when you felt you got on and they are being all complimentary

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pisspants · 09/01/2022 09:29

Mine resulted in what I thought was a good first date, felt very attracted to him. He walked me to the car said he wanted to do it again and we had a little peck on lips! I then didn't hear from him until I messaged him the next lunchtime. Then some days he would initiate chat and other days would take ages or give very short answers in reply to me if I'd texted him. I was quite confused as in most cases when I've had a first date if it's a definite no then you text straight afterward and just say no chemistry or something and wish them well. I was basically left hanging and then just thought fuck that and haven't heard from him since! I guess you just never know what's going on in someone else's life/mind!
it's hard as much as I think guys would reach out quickly to organise a second date and be sure they know you're interested, I also don't think we should be totally passive as women and need to show we are interested too.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 10:28

That's very similar to my experience @pisspants . It's so frustrating, I feel like messaging him for an explanation but don't expect I'd get one. I had previously asked him to suggest a a date so I could get childcare and he kept saying he would, but I guess now I will need to accept the ghosting. Have you had many successful second dates with OLD?

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AnnaSW1 · 09/01/2022 10:34

The obvious explanation for me would be that he is probably going on a date with someone else and is waiting to see how that goes. It is a dating site. Smile

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 10:39

Yes I thought probably that @AnnaSW1 , well within his rights of course. It's just hard when you don't know!

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pictish · 09/01/2022 10:42

He either doesn’t want another date or is hedging his bets.
Either way, he’s not showing keen so it would be a ‘next’ from me. If he’s humming and hawing over a second opportunity he’s not the man for me.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 10:46

Yes I think your right @pictish . Time to move on!

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pictish · 09/01/2022 10:52

Absolutely. You want someone who’s taken with you and wants to know more. Meh isn’t the one.

pisspants · 09/01/2022 10:57

@Fitzroygurl10087 this is round god knows what for me now in OLD as separated in 2013. I've had lots of first dates a few that went as far as 2 dates then a couple of 3 months things, 1 6 month thing and a 2 year relationship which recently ended so back on the sites again. Not sure I can really be arsed any more though to be honest. Too much time invested for flaky men and even once think you've found a good one, it still goes tits up!

FatFucker · 09/01/2022 11:09

OLD is tough. He's not interested.

When I first dated online, I used to answer texts after the date even if I was not interested in them. I'd hope they'd take the hint when I didn't agree to specific next date and hope they'd get the hint and fade away. Which is what this guy is doing but you're not getting the hint.

Now I'm brutal and when they text me after the date saying they enjoyed it and when can we meet again. I tell then I enjoyed it too, really like meeting them but the chemistry wasn't there. And all the best in their search.

9/10 they reply agreeing the chemistry wasn't there. Yeah that's why you're asking me out on another date, but anyway it helps them save face.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 12:40

Thanks @FatFucker , I'll take the hint now 🤣

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FatFucker · 09/01/2022 13:17

@Fitzroygurl10087 never sure what is worse after a date - Telling someone you weren't into them or a date telling you!!

It's brutal! I have another date tonight. Fingers crossed :)

Viviennemary · 09/01/2022 13:21

I bet he is married and has now got cold feet.

BlusteryLake · 09/01/2022 13:24

The trouble with Old is there is so much you don't know about people when you first meet them. You get loads of inexplicable behaviour which you just have to shrug off unfortunately. Don't over invest in the early stages. Also, some men like the attention of messaging without having to bother with dates but know that if they don't arrange a date lots of women will get fed up with them, so they do the bare minimum to keep you as essentially a pen pal.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 14:54

Good luck @FatFucker ! What are you gonna do? Is it a first date?

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Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 14:54

@BlusteryLake I think I did jump in too quick and got all excited! I need to calm down next time

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unicornsarereal72 · 09/01/2022 16:16

I have been old a while now. And started to take it seriously about a year ago. After weeding out the usual odd balls. And meet a dated a few men. First one. I was really over invested in. And I guess that was apparent and it fizzled out quickly.

Second more serious situation I was more relaxed. Just enjoyed the moment and dating. And it was a lot of fun. But after a few months I wanted exclusivity and he wasn't at that point and was still on the apps. That's fine just wasn't for me.

What I have learnt is to just try and go with the flow date to date. Try not to think too far a head. And also you are probably one of a few. And that's ok. But have an idea in mind when you expect exclusivity.

I'm more mellow about dating now. If someone invests in me I will reciprocate. If they are cooling things off. Just let it slide. As MN say. It shouldn't be hard work and guessing games. Know your worth. And good luck.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 16:26

Wise words @unicornsarereal72, I think I was probably way to keen tbh. My ex was such a shitbag that I to meet someone who was kind and nice was just amazing. I will have to be more laid back in future. Its a bit depressing thinking that it could take years to meet someone long term with old.

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unicornsarereal72 · 09/01/2022 16:41

It's so hard. Like you I had a terrible relationship previously. So when someone genuine showed me some interest I was really pleased and guess that keenness came across.

I try not to think long term. Just see it as a bit of fun at the starting out stage. Yet to get past 3 months so I keep a lid on things until that point.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 09/01/2022 16:53

@unicornsarereal72 I think my keeness must have been palpable! I forgot the perils of dating. Would still take this over my previous situation anyday. I wonder whether to sign up for some more sites, I am only on the one right now.....

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unicornsarereal72 · 09/01/2022 17:07

There is a dating thread in relationships. They are the fonts of all knowledge. Do what you feel comfortable with.

LizzieLowe · 10/01/2022 12:46

Try not to think about 'what he wants' - what about you? What do you want? If you stopped to think about it I bet you weren't too keen on him anyway. If he can't commit to a second date, think how hard it would be to get him to commit to do anything else further in the relationship...if it were to start. He's a non starter. Move on. @Fitzroygurl10087

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 10/01/2022 15:08

Thanks @LizzieLowe , your right, I hadn't really thought about what I want, I need to discover that really. I think the face that he doesn't have the guts to tell me that he's not interested is telling itself. I'm making a pact to myself to be honest with dates if I don't see this going anywhere. Didn't think I would be ghosted by 47 year old!

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