Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What do you do when they don't return kids school uniform?

31 replies

LargeProsecco · 08/12/2021 19:31

I have 2 DC age 13 &8. They have contact with their dad every Tuesday night & every 2nd weekend from Friday after school through to Monday morning.

He is not returning the school uniform in time, meaning that I'm often having to pick things up for DC to wear to school that day from his before school some mornings (eg 7.45am)

I bought the majority of the uniform before I moved out & we have a legal agreement saying he should pay 50%.

He is a controlling fucker & I suspect a large part of this is to "keep me on my toes" and running around at the last minute. He's also crap round the house so it's also likely to be poor organisation on his part.

I have said I will pick up items on certain days & asked if he can keep 1 set (all he needs) & return the rest.

I'm fed up & so are the kids, having to drag them out of bed early to collect things.

Any suggestions for resolving this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HugeAckmansWife · 08/12/2021 21:14

Honestly just buy enough of the basics, trousers shirts and plain jumpers to manage these occasions and make the school aware that some days they might not have the blazer or logoed jumper. Also, your kids aren't babies. Maybe start asking them to ensure they have their stuff before they leave.

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 08/12/2021 22:11

School are quite strict on uniform & DC are aware they are not wearing correct clothing so get upset.

It's not just uniform he doesn't return, it's tights, trainers, school shoes, ties, PE kit.

Eldest's school bag is really full/heavy already but he never returns stuff in youngest's bag.

I've tried to keep DC out of it so they don't feel caught in the middle; maybe that is the wrong approach.

Effing useless manipulative swine.

OP posts:

Pinkyxx · 09/12/2021 18:16

My ex delighted in not returning uniform / shoes / school bag / home work.. When DD was little I got extras of everything, and explained to the school so she wasn't in trouble ref homework. At 13, I expect DD to remember it and she does.. 8 it was a little hit and miss.. maybe have the eldest remind the youngest?

jelly79 · 10/12/2021 16:21

Can the 13 yo not do a check of both their bag and ensure they have everything? Shouldn't have to but old enough to check

luverlybubberly · 10/12/2021 17:48

The 13yo is old enough to check if he's got everything.
Do you pick them up or are they dropped off? If you pick them up you might have to start checking their bags before you leave.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 10/12/2021 17:51

The kids are old enough to pack their own bags and make sure they have everything they went with

luverlybubberly · 10/12/2021 17:51

Sorry just seen the bit about Monday. Presumably it's Friday's clothes that aren't packed in which case can you go to his house after school on Monday to pick up forgotten items?

jendifer · 10/12/2021 17:56

They’re both old enough to check surely?

TurnUpTurnip · 10/12/2021 18:58

Agree they are old enough not like they are toddlers

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 10/12/2021 20:09

The eldest has dyspraxia so organisation & his school bag is already very full/heavy.

The youngest has started stashing stuff in the classroom so it doesn't go back to his.

I guess I'll just have to involve them more; I was hoping their dad could "adult" properly so they wouldn't get dragged in.

OP posts:

luverlybubberly · 10/12/2021 20:56

Yanbu to think that Dad should help out more but sadly it sounds like he is a twat who is happy to inconvenience you.

I guess you could tell the boys to treat it like PE at school. When you take off your uniform, put it in your bag immediately.

Is there current routine court ordered? Can kids come home, change then Dad collects ?

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 10/12/2021 22:29

We have a minute of agreement (Scottish law) stating that he has contact 1 midweek night & EOW from school pickup time.

DC1 is at secondary school & walks straight there (their dad's house is closer). DC2 is in after school club & dad picks up from there.

I am in work about 20 miles away during his mid-week contact night.

He only needs 1 uniform a fortnight for DC2 & 1 a week for DC1 but has been keeping hold of the majority eg 7 shirts.

I've written him a snarky email & told him I'll collect it 2 evenings a week.

And I'll suggest to DC2 that she puts her dirty uniform straight in her school bag - I'd rather get it back dirty than be doing the 7.45am run.

OP posts:

TalkToTheHand123 · 14/12/2021 19:56

Keep messaging him reminders, hopefully will get fed up and start doing it.

MarmitesMyMate · 16/12/2021 16:39

Surely don't pack a bag. What uniform theybhave on Friday. He washes irons and wear again Monday.

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 13/01/2022 20:43

Well, here I am again with the same issue

He didn't return any of DD's uniform on Sunday or Wednesday - I'd said to him I'd pick it up on these days from the doorstep (so he's not waiting in).

No school shirts or blouses for her to wear, so I had to send her in wearing a t-shirt (could hide the picture with pinafore).

I had bought 7 blouses/polos (plus PE T-shirts which she wears once a week). He has every single one. Even if I bought 30 he wouldn't return them.

So I emailed the school to say why she wasn't in uniform & let him know.

Apparently it's all my fault that he hasn't returned them & a lot of name calling was the response. Really frustrating.

We have a legal agreement in place so I can't change contact arrangements. I'm having to rely on him & his goodwill to return them. Which doesn't exist.

OP posts:

HairyScaryMonster · 13/01/2022 21:07

Could you speak to school about dc changing out of uniform before going back to his. Terrible option, but they leave a bag of clothes and shoes at school and you collect when you're next there.

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 13/01/2022 21:53

Thanks, @HairyScaryMonster - the headteacher kindly emailed back to say I could send a spare set in & it can be kept aside for her if needed.

I'll just do that for the moment, although chances are the same thing will happen to it.

OP posts:

user1471530109 · 13/01/2022 22:03

Why do they do this?!?!?

I would get the school to ring him every time and have a moan. What a tosser. Have the kids told him how it upsets them? Luckily the school my DC went to used to constantly nag him about uniform/reading/homework as it used to really upset the DC when they went to his and he didn't do it with them.

I bought so much extra uniform. Drove me mad. It's currently socks. I am buying a pack of socks what feels like every other week because he doesn't hand the things back. Must have enough for their whole class!

One time, he picked them up on the last day of summer. He swore blind he didn't have their pe kit. I even emailed the head who searched the school for me. Kept up the lie all summer holiday after lots of nagging. I ended up buying all new. New trainers, new bag etc. Got to December and the fucking arsehole puts it on the backseat of the car along with other clothes to hand back and didn't say a word! I may have lost my shit. I never did get back a brand new coat and a pair of jeans my eldest wore for the first time to his.

J7510 · 25/01/2022 23:03

Oh goodness sake, this is stressful for you, hopefully the school continues to support you.
They may need to put this on record and maybe call a meeting with you both, which hopefully he would attend.
That way it'll look like a school requirement rather than yours.
The more you pick up his slack I doubt it'll improve.
School is your best bet. Ask for support.

Original poster

LargeProsecco · 26/01/2022 07:07

He was absolutely furious that I contacted the school, as he likes to keep up his dad of the year facade.

And he doesn't like being held accountable, especially publicly.

He managed to find & return some uniform after I sent the email, as if by magic. Hopefully that is the end of it.

OP posts:

learningmore · 26/01/2022 16:03

Can you have handovers via the school so that the kids go to him direct from school in uniform and then he returns the kids to school in uniform?

Blossom64265 · 26/01/2022 16:14

If he isn’t paying his half of uniform costs, you need to stop providing uniform for his house so he has to buy his own. That way he will be sending the kids in uniform he has purchased so it will balance out in the rotation.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 26/01/2022 16:30

I don't understand this. If he has them from friday to monday morning how can he be keeping their uniform? Are they not wearing it on the monday for school?

Crunchingleaf · 27/01/2022 10:32

I don’t get this either. Surely the uniform they have with them Friday they wear Monday morning to school. Same with Tuesdays do they not come back in same clothes they went in? He is surely able to use a washing machine or else kids wear clean uniform Friday and can wear it again Monday without it being washed.

learningmore · 27/01/2022 12:23

As others have said, I'm not sure how there is a problem as they go to the dad in a uniform and return to the mum in a uniform via the school.

With school uniforms, have 3 sets. One that the child is wearing, 1 at your house in the wash, and 1 at the dad's house in the wash. Then there shouldn't ever be a problem.

Flip

1 2