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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Should I ask for more child maintenance?

36 replies

whattheactualfudgecakes · 02/12/2021 23:25

Split from ex and have two yr old DD.

Ex pays low rent and I have mortgage on flat.

According to calculator based on 1-2 overnights per week he should pay about £42 per week. He has offered to round it up to £200 per month. He has more like 1 overnight per week than two.

I've asked for a bit more than this and he is saying that I have the child benefit money of about £85 per month and that this should be enough in total for DD.

He will buy clothes / footwear as needed also.

Should I accept the £200 or push for a bit more and if so, how much more do you think would be reasonable?

Don't want to come across as grabby, but also want to be as financially comfortable as possible for DD.

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 02/12/2021 23:28

Tbh if he’s already paying more than the calculator AND buys her additional things then yes I think you should leave it, you won’t be entitled to anymore going through cms. I think he sounds pretty decent, my ex was told he had to pay me £7 per week for our four children.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 02/12/2021 23:30

Does she go to nursery?

Original poster

whattheactualfudgecakes · 02/12/2021 23:37

No but I may need to work more to cover my bills. If I do then would half the nursery cost be reasonable in addition to the £200 per month?

OP posts:

Firefliess · 02/12/2021 23:38

I wouldn't in those circumstances. He's already paying a bit more than the assessed amount, and buying her a few bits and pieces too. Better to have the good will than get into a constant fight over money.

Original poster

whattheactualfudgecakes · 02/12/2021 23:41

I didn't realise when we split that I would get so little contribution. So options are struggle as I am, work more and pay nursery, or see about ex having DD more so I can work more but the last one would be tricky.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 02/12/2021 23:47

Have you put in a UC claim to get assistance with your childcare costs?

Original poster

whattheactualfudgecakes · 02/12/2021 23:49

I don't have any childcare costs at the moment, would just be if I increase my hours at work then I'd need to use nursery.

Is there any expectation that my housing costs should be met by ex?

OP posts:

Yummypumpkin · 02/12/2021 23:53

No your ex shouldn't be meeting your housing costs.

Sorry this post has upset me a bit.

Give your head a wobble. He's paying over the calculator already.

Pay your housing costs????

TurnUpTurnip · 02/12/2021 23:55

Erm no, all he has to pay by law is child maintenance which he is paying more than the amount calculated

Original poster

whattheactualfudgecakes · 02/12/2021 23:58

Sorry for the upset, was not intended. It's a bit of a shock managing with a child on my own and the financial strain compared to being in a couple.

OP posts:

Rosecottage888 · 03/12/2021 00:20

@Yummypumpkin

No your ex shouldn't be meeting your housing costs.

Sorry this post has upset me a bit.

Give your head a wobble. He's paying over the calculator already.

Pay your housing costs????

THIS

Undertheoldlindentree · 03/12/2021 02:01

Part of the maintenance is for housing costs for your daughter in the same way as it's towards food, clothing, heating the house for her, water and so on. But it's just a contribution based on his earnings. It's not based on what it actually costs to house, feed, clothe, keep a child.

He's already offering over the calculation here, so unless he's willing to pay more, it would be up to you to work longer hours and use nursery or after-school club. Check whether you're eligible for universal credit support with this. I'm older, so mine was under the tax credit system which covered 70% of childcare costs.

Grayskelly · 03/12/2021 03:00

How much were you expecting?
Separating invariably causes financial hardship as the same income is now stretching across two households. In the long term it's worth it when you leave a toxic situation though. Is there anywhere in the household budget to economise for these early years.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 03/12/2021 06:38

Yes unfortunately there are very low expectations on fathers once you're not in a couple or ever

Your options are exactly what you have suggested above. But he doesn't have to pay a penny more, or have the child at all, even if you go back to work full time.

I suggest you go softly-softly with him, laying out all the issues and working out a compromise. What days will he have her? On those days he covers childcare costs. He will need to have her more, so he will pay less in cm, BUT you will be able to warn more. Do not get in to the habit of him only seeing her on weekends. Those should be shared.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 03/12/2021 06:43

Have you claimed Universal Credit? Put a claim in. You may qualify.

Original poster

whattheactualfudgecakes · 03/12/2021 07:01

Do not get in to the habit of him only seeing her on weekends. Those should be shared.

Why do you say this?

OP posts:

unicornsarereal72 · 03/12/2021 07:14

Are you claiming any benefits. UC will cover 85% of your child care costs.

you are now responsible to provide a home for yourself and your child. As is her father on his side. He should pay child support as set out my CMS. This is a minimum. But anymore is on him.

Contact is usually eow and an over night in the week. Unless going 50/50 route. When she is in pre school or nursery you will want some weekends with your child to do days out. See family and spend time with them. And although it may be one night a week. Once the school holidays come round I am sure he will also want longer with her then? It evens out.

Running a home on your own was always going to be a challenge. Make sure you have claimed any benefits you are entitled too. Single person deduction on your council tax meal plan and go through bills and cut back. It is tight but once you adjust you get use to it.

colourfulpuddles · 03/12/2021 07:19

Why would he be responsible for your housing costs? That is your responsibility. If you cannot afford your house now you are single parent then you need to move.

He is paying more than necessary. He is contributing in other ways.

RoastPotatoQueen · 03/12/2021 07:24

He's not responsible for your housing costs, he's paying more than the calculator states. Stop being grabby, if you can't afford where you live you need to move somewhere cheaper.

liveforsummer · 03/12/2021 07:32

Wow, I know these things aren't a race to the bottom but I get significantly less for 2 dc and he doesnt buy them a thing or pay any childcare or clubs. I get my 80pm (£40 pc) and it's all my responsibility. £200 is decent especially as it's over the suggested amount and he's going to buy things needed on top. You should get help from UC - up to 85% for your childcare plus free hours once 3. In arrears we are all responsible for our own housing costs

Howshouldibehave · 03/12/2021 07:39

He’s already paying more than he needs to buy you want more?

LethargicActress · 03/12/2021 07:48

If you need to work more, obviously worth seeing if your child’s other parent can look after them instead of paying nursery. If he can look after his dd when you’re at work, then why should he be expected to pay for nursery that he doesn’t need?

I also can’t see how you think he should be expected to pay towards your living costs. Honestly, even thinking it sounds like you have a very entitled attitude. You pay for your own housing costs as you have always had to, and he pays for his. You both have a responsibility to provide a home for your dd.

If your ex is agreeing to pay more than the CMS amount and pay directly for things his child needs, then he is supporting her and meeting his financial obligation.

£400 a month, considering both your contribution and your exs is plenty to feed and clothe a nursery age child.

TorringtonDean · 03/12/2021 07:51

Some of these comments are very unkind. The CMS system calculates maintenance according to the non-resident parent’s income - which may be nothing like the amount it costs to house, feed and clothe a child. We all know how expensive housing in and that the cost of living has rocketed. Some people then use UC to supplement this.

But actually the system is immensely unfair to the resident parents who do most of the work of raising a child and shouldering the costs. It’s why many lone parents live in relative poverty while their exes swan off enjoying themselves.

It doesn’t show much solidarity to tell the OP to give her head a wobble just because you may be struggling too. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I say this as a lone parent with a pretty good income of my own and no need for state help. My ex is not involved at all and I had to pay him my life savings to leave. The system stinks.

liveforsummer · 03/12/2021 07:55

@TorringtonDean

It doesn’t show much solidarity to tell the OP to give her head a wobble just because you may be struggling too. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I say this as a lone parent with a pretty good income of my own and no need for state help. My ex is not involved at all and I had to pay him my life savings to leave. The system stinks.

The system is poor, especially for those with exp's who refuse to pay but willingly paying above the amount plus contributing regularly to needs means 'the system' doesn't even need to be involved in this case - luckily for the OP as it's incredibly stressful

endofthelinefinally · 03/12/2021 08:04

Once your child is at school you will want to have some fun time with her. If your ex has every weekend you will never have that. The norm is for the nr parent to have every other full weekend and one night/ day per week. Go over to the relationships board and read some of the threads on there. You will learn a lot from the experiences of others.

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