Should I ask for more child maintenance?

[whattheactualfudgecakes]

Split from ex and have two yr old DD.

Ex pays low rent and I have mortgage on flat.

According to calculator based on 1-2 overnights per week he should pay about £42 per week. He has offered to round it up to £200 per month. He has more like 1 overnight per week than two.

I've asked for a bit more than this and he is saying that I have the child benefit money of about £85 per month and that this should be enough in total for DD.

He will buy clothes / footwear as needed also.

Should I accept the £200 or push for a bit more and if so, how much more do you think would be reasonable?

Don't want to come across as grabby, but also want to be as financially comfortable as possible for DD.

For the person that said about my contribution also the same as my exs of £200 I naively did not look at it this way and guess that works out at £485 pm when viewed this way for costs related to DD alone.

Don't bite my head off about not realising this sooner. This is all really new to me and I'm still navigating it as best as I can.

Also appreciate the advice about one night in week and one night at weekend with more cover during school holidays.

I said I'd would be tricky for ex to free childcare due to his working arrangements so realistically he probably couldn't do this and nursery is the most likely option.

But actually the system is immensely unfair to the resident parents who do most of the work of raising a child and shouldering the costs. It’s why many lone parents live in relative poverty while their exes swan off enjoying themselves.

I mean, the system is broken whether you’re a lone parent or not. I have step children and we’re a couple with 50:50 shared care of the kids and we’re not entitled to any support because Mum claims child benefit which is the gateway to nearly every other benefit.

Maintaining two households is shockingly expensive. But remember you have a mortgage and he is renting - he will need to change that at some point.

First, check out what you are entitled to from the government
Secondly IF the two of you are on good terms, you could have a full disclosure financial conversation so you can find a way forward that works - given he doesn’t have a home of his own yet, this might not leave you any better off, but at least you’d understand the situation fully
Could you downsize or move to a cheaper area?
Could you move the time split closer to 50/50 so child costs are split more evenly?
Could your parents or his help with childcare cost?
Can you switch up your career plans to earn more?

He’s not meant to be paying for everything your suppose to be contributing as well and then you will also receive benefits for your child if on low income, possibly help with housing? That’s not for your ex to pay, maintenance is 12% of what he earns

Do you have a spare room and so can get a lodger?

Ex pays low rent how low-is if not very nice?

It’s not a great long-term plan for him to have to rent somewhere cheap whilst you get the family home.

@Howshouldibehave

Ex pays low rent how low-is if not very nice?

It’s not a great long-term plan for him to have to rent somewhere cheap whilst you get the family home.

Yes his renting is short term and will have to buy eventually.

I kind of see now that he was being reasonable in his offer.

@whattheactualfudgecakes

Do not get in to the habit of him only seeing her on weekends. Those should be shared.

Why do you say this?

Because all the childcare costs will be yours. And when the child starts school you will have ALL the actual relentless parenting, all school runs, all homework, most clubs and your work. Relaistically you will have a couple of hours in an evening with the child. If he has weekends, he will get all the relaxed fun time. With jo childcare costs. His career and pension will be unaffected whilst your takes a massive, unrepairable hit.

and I said I'd would be tricky for ex to free childcare due to his working arrangements so realistically he probably couldn't do this and nursery is the most likely option.
Tough. It will be the same for you. He will need to find appropriate childcare.

Part of the maintenance is for housing costs for your daughter in the same way as it's towards food, clothing, heating the house for her, water and so on. But it's just a contribution based on his earnings. It's not based on what it actually costs to house, feed, clothe, keep a child.

This is true, but the problem is that a non resident parent should be paying for a home that is suitable for their child to live in too, and the biggest costs associated with that stay the same whether they child is there every other week or every other weekend. Both parents are responsible for housing their child, and both parents should be responsible for paying for childcare.

@myrtleberry

Do you have a spare room and so can get a lodger?

She is a single woman with a child why would she want a lodger with a little one , you can't feel comfortable with someone else in the house . Mumsnet makes me laugh . I'm surprised no one has suggested taking in ironing 🤷🏾‍♀️