Totally, utterly and absolutely alone.

[MockneyReject]

Do most lone parents have at least someone, to share not only the burden, but also the joy?
This Xmas I will, once again, buy the presents, wrap the presents, then watch the presents being unwrapped. Just me and DS. No-one to share his surprise with. The joy. The excitement. No-one to play along with.
Anything he wants is down to me to provide. Any disappointment is mine to manage.
Then there's the guilt - at having to leave him home alone while I work to earn the money to buy the presents. And then on Xmas day, when I work for FA, because that's minimum wage care work minus 63% UC deductions for you.
Then I'll do dinner for us both, same as the other 364 days a year. We'll pull crackers and the winner will be either me, or him.
I'll somehow have to stage manage a present for myself, again, without him realising, so that he doesn't feel sorry for me. Same as I did for my birthday. And Mother's Day.
For the 10th year in a row.
At least there's a slight novelty value this year, in that I'll be doing it all one handed. Because I've broken my shoulder and it needs surgery. But I can't have the surgery, because there's no-one to look after him - plus I can't afford the time off work. Because I pay 100% of the rent and the bills. So, I have to 'learn to live with it'.
It's f***g relentless.

OP, I get where you're coming from.its just me and my dd.Join the app Frolo, its for single parents. It helps when you can connect with people in the same situation.Its a lovely community. There are meet ups held all across the country from time to time.

Hi op, you sound like a great mum who did so well to get yourself & dc out of a toxic situation. It does sound absolutely relentless for you.

Get your shoulder fixed. It will massively help your well being in all areas. Reach out to your local church for support with meals. There are also Facebook groups who arrange meal drop offs with no questions asked. Could you set up a fb profile with a made up name to access community support?

Thinking practically of your work situation. Finding home care for ppl in remote villages can be really difficult (I have experience of trying to do this), especially over Xmas. I honestly think if you put the feelers out, you might find something close to you, as a self employed care worker where you can get paid a higher wage. Have you considered this?

Good luck

Sorry I can't tag people individually (I really do have a mental block when it comes to technology)
I have the same issue as many people on minimum wage - I can't earn enough to come off Universal Credit entirely (basically, it subsidises my employer!) So, every £1 I earn is subject to the 63% deduction (I'm aware this is being changed, soon). It means, for example, that although I am paid £9 per hour, I'm only £3 better off - like so many others. So, I don't feel that it's worth taking on the extra responsibility for a few pounds more - as I only end up a few pence an hour, better off. The time with my son is more valuable. Obviously, I will make it up to the taxpayer when he's older.

I will look at that website - thank you.
It occurred to me just now, that I haven't spoken to a real life adult for over a month - no wonder I'm feeling sorry for myself! I suppose I need to make more of an effort, now that I'm out of Covid isolation.

My office confirmed that they will take back my car if I don't return to work, next week. I can't contemplate being carless. It actually scares me.

I'm aware that my posts are coming across as a bit of a self-pity-fest. I honestly do realise that I'm not the only one that has it hard.
I guess I never expected to end up 'lonely' - maybe I should have fought harder during the divorce, for custody of the 'friends'

I dont think you are being self-pitying at all. I think you are amazing. Other people have better practical suggestions, but just wanted to send you MNetty hugs. You are setting such a good example for your son of hard work, courage and resilience.

Does he still believe in santa?

Is he 10?

Cos at this age I'd be giving him money to buy you a present.

The kids love going to the shop/ supermarket to get me a present and he can wrap it up too.

You can ask social services to help when you have surgery. They will do respite with a local carer for you. Just have to ask.
So sorry your feeling crappy, do you not have any family you can reach out to?

Also although you may feel you aren't able to give your son the Christmas he deserves.

He is making memories every year, and in the future when your circumstances are different you will both look back on those time and remember the great times you created for him.

Things will change and improve, your DS has you, you're amazing DM doing the work of two parents.
It is very tough when renting it is harder to put roots down.

hi op sending hugs and solidarity to you. am in a similar position just me and dc's at xmas no family to visit friends all busy. really really doesn't help when you see all the big happy family xmas ads. it is very very hard relentless and depressing. i think it is just knowing there is no one there to take care of you and everything is down to you with no respite. i also have had health issues and need a gynae op but can't as would need 6-8 weeks total rest no driving no work. ha! not gonna happen so have to continue with the chronic pain. i really feel you. everyone is always like "aww don't you have family?" no i fucking don't. aaargh. anyway know how you feel happy to chat/vent if you ever want to pm me.

You honestly do not sound self putting at all xx

*pitying

Sorry, stupid autocorrect