Just about had enough

[hatemylifeforgoodnesssake]

At a really low ebb this evening. I thought I was doing ok, juggling a full time job, her nursery, and my dog.

Dropped a day of work, which has just made my life more stressful (now, got five days crammed into four) and now I am nearly £10k a year worse off.

I am going to have to give up my dog. I can't afford her, nor do the juggling or dog Walker fees. I am so stressed, and just can never switch off, from the moment I wake up, it's 120%.

I am exhausted. But I can't rest. Don't want to go to sleep this evening as I know I'll be woken up at 5am. Then will have to be fun mummy until bedtime.

I'm So sorry you are struggling. How old is your lo? My youngest was a terrible sleeper. And although at that point I was with her dad. He worked away 3 months on 3 months off. Broken sleep and not enough sleep is a killer.

Since being on my own I go to bed early. It's rubbish I have very little of a life of my own. But it's good for my physical and mental health.

I work 4 days. My day in the week i do all the jobs I can. So the weekend is more relaxed. Lock down taught me it's ok to do screens. Working/ home schooling and meeting the children's needs pushed everyone to the edge. After tea they were given tablets and we spent an hour or two in different rooms. I'm not proud of that at all but it gave us all space away from each other.

Are there ways you can make time for yourself. Do you have any support. Would working full time actually give you the funds to out source things. Dog Walker and cleaner.

The usual MN saying of lower your standards. I don't iron. Beds get changed every two weeks. Quick meals in the week. Pizza and sausages are a staple here. With veg and we make pizza together as an activity.

This is a phase it will pass.

Hello everyone.

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. In the meantime, you might find some useful information on our guide for dealing with financial difficulty

Oh wow. Can't believe people have reported this. In no way is this a begging thread!!!!! Actually mortified that anyone would think that.

I was just feeling very down in the dumps, had no-one to talk to last night and wanted a bit of a moan. That's all.

Hi OP, keep talking. How old is your little one? Anything under 5 is exhausting, but it will definitely get easier, every month, every year it gets easier and easier.

What about the dog, do you love your dog, does it bring you happiness? Could you find a cheaper dog Walker?

What is your job? Do you love it? It is worth the stress/money?

Dd is 4. I am a teacher. Been on my own since she was three months old. Her father is not allowed contact (that should give you some idea of what sort of person he is, more fool me, eh?) and contributes £6.29 a week via cms collect and pay.

I have no family support. Everything falls to me. Everything.

I do love my dog and I've had her for six years, so the thought of giving her up kills me. But it's just too much to juggle, it's like having another child to drop off and pick up every day. Plus the cost on top of paying for before and after school club. Again, this is not a begging thread, but dog is another expense and stress.

Your dd is at school soon? That'll kill the nursery fees? Nursery is so expensive the money section has some good threads for saving money although I suspect your nursery fees are very expensive unless you get free hours? Is there anywhere else you can make savings?
No idea how this is a begging thread

Thanks, as I said, mortified that people thought I was on the scrounge the reason I mentioned money was because I worked out that dog costs me around £300 a month in dog Walker fees alone. And when trying to work out where to cut costs, that is a glaringly obvious one

She'll be at school next September, but will still be stung for fees for before and after school clubs, which are extortionate around here.

Been up since 5 and have only just finished the chores that I don't have time to do in the week. Have lost my temper with dd already as she just wants me to play with her, following me around etc, just getting in the way, and now I feel like a horrible awful mum as well.

Constantly feel like I've got a weight in my chest, literally feel like my heart is pounding, head aches from the minute I get up, and feel on edge as if I am going to crack at any moment. This is too much.

Why would you all report this thread. The op sounds like a stressed out mum, not begging for money etc

@YesIamTHATmum thank you. That's exactly it. I feel like I shouldn't even have posted. Hey ho.

So, single mum, 4yo. Teacher- Primary or secondary?
Compressed hours so full time work 4days/week. I expect that is busy busy.
Do you need the dog walker? Could you walk dog morning/evening with LO in a buggy (just brain storming, so might be daft for your situation).

You need to hang tight- when LO starts school, things will ease up. Wont be easy but easier.

Re the following you around- I got a great tip from a Play Therapist once, which was to give them attention before they ask for it.
So, if they're playing quietly, and I was thinking "great- I can get dinner done"...then that was the time to go and play tickle fights, or ask for a big cuddle cos you missed them all day.

Secondary. I get up at 5 as it is in the morning and don't get home til 6pm with dd. Literally no time at all to walk dog. So she goes to the dog Walker all day and I drop her after I've dropped dd, and pick her up on my way home, before i get dd.

Just feel terrible that at weekends I have to catch up with everything when I should be giving dd my full time attention. But I literally don't get time to breathe.

Regret so much going 'part time'. It's awful. They've shoved five days into four on my timetable. The workload is unmanageable. Plus the evening stuff I simply cannot do. But they take it off my wages.

It's totally shit

Could a neighbour help out with ddog even temporary? Can't imagine your mh will improve if you get rid of her...

Could a charity help with walking the dog? The Cinnamon trust help elderly people who can't walk their dogs, I'm not sure if they can help anyone else?
Or there used to be a site called "borrow my doggy" where people who didn't/ couldn't have a dog walked/ looked after others' dogs.
Thanks t sounds really hard and I suspect it will get a bit easier once DD is at school but I really hope you can feel much better very soon

I used to foster for the rspca (I know they get bad press) and a few times took on a dcat for women who went into refuges and couldn't take dcat. Ask at your vet surgery if they know of any fosterers .. I didn't get paid but the charity paid the food. Cheaper than it taking up a kennel.
I have sent you a pm op

Secondary. Ugh. That is extremely difficult. You sound completely overwhelmed .

Could you go back to 5 days, and at least get paid for what you do?

It sounds really hard. Lone mother of a 4 yo here - not working just now so much easier for me for the time being, but I know how hard it can be.

It’s cheaper to leave your dog at home and have someone pop into to fuss her and take her for a walk surely? An hour dog walking costs me £11 half an hour £8 when I can’t walk my dog is that cheaper than all day it must be ? As a temporary solution?
How about a friend or a neighbour would they help with walking her?

Sorry you feel so overwhelmed. 💐

Thanks for all your kindness and suggestions. Issue with dog is that I am out of the house from 7.30 until 5. She currently goes to the dog Walker all day, which yes is £15 per day, but I looked into different options and I would be paying that just for an hour's walk, and then she would be alone for the rest of the day... ugh, feel so guilty for even thinking about rehoming her...

I will probably ask to go back full time next year, just can't cope with this, but they will probably say no, because they have basically now got me working me arse off for nearly 10k less. This taking a day off was supposed to cut me some slack! It's made it worse, far far far worse.

@Pumpkinsonparade thank you for taking the time to message me, I can't get into my pms for some reason

Ugh, just to moan again. Haven't sat down since 5am. Literally feel so wired yet exhausted.

Also meant to be doing dd's primary school application this week, need to get it done but don't trust myself to make the right decision, seems every decision I make just turns to shit anyway.

That all sounds so hard. Do you have a spare room for an au pair? Or a lodger, say a female student who could help out with childcare and the dog? Can you get help from a charity, such a Home Start, where a volunteer comes round a few hours a week to watch your DD while you do some chores?

Would a cleaner be affordable?

I'm in the same position OP. Teaching secondary is so much work and I try so hard to never play the single mum card. I feel like I'm constantly mum or tea he don't remember who I am anymore

I am not surprised you are exhausted Op. I would rehome the dog if it doesn’t bring you joy (I know I will get flamed for that but circumstances change). Dogs live in the moment and it won’t hold it against you. Don’t feel too bad about it, you can’t have known when you got it you would be alone with a child. Things will be easier when your daughter starts school and you get that 5th day off to yourself. In the week, but ready meals for every day of the week. You can get nice ones in Lidl, steam fresh or something for the freezer that are healthy with veg in. Annabelle Karmel or little dish for your little girl. Cut corners and make your life as easy as possible. You are doing a great job and things WILL get easier.

@Keepitonthedownlow I have a cleaner! See, this wasn't a begging thread! She is literally amazing and is the one saving grace. I couldn't actually survive without her. I would go without clothing or shoes or food rather than give her up. Literally no headspace or time for cleaning.

Before people judge me, she charges £25 a week for two hours, vs the £100+ a week poor ddog costs me...