Can't help envying ex's new relationship!

[tetti]

Feels sad feeling sorry for myself,but having one of those moments..:-)
The ex who left me back in the summer is moving in with his new girlfriend(the catalyst in us breaking up basically).
Ok,he did me a favour as I had longed to get out of our miserable relationship for years,and I certainly don't love him any more or feel any feelings of attraction for him whatsoever(ugh! springs to mind!lol)

Anyway,I can't help envying him in a way.He's found love again,or more to the point,he's in love with someone who feels the same way back.
I have someone in my life,but really would be kidding myself if I were to think it'd ever lead anywhere.
Have had a casual relationship with a guy 8 years my junior for the past month or so,doesn't help that he's so bloody sexy(think a young Lenny Kravitz,doesn't half make me melt!lol).But,it'll never lead anywhere,we get along great,he likes my daughter,she likes him,meet up maybe once a week,txt eachother,the sexual chemistry is out of this world,but we live in two separate worlds really.I am a mother in my early 30's,run a sml business(far from loaded though,lol) and I have my life,he lives w his mum,has his music,his sport,his life.Although we click,tbh,there is no hope of anything more long term,but,I take it for what it is and have fun while it lasts.

One day though I hope to meet someone who'm I actually can have more of a relationship with(not to live with mind you,I'm happy just living with my daughter.After having lived with a man for over 12 years,the last thing I want is to lose my independence all over again..)But having someone who'd be there for me,who'd fall for me hook line and sinker would be nice..Shame it won't be the younger guy I'm seeing now,but I just can't see that happening,guess I'd have to look for someone closer to my own age,not a guy who's in his mid 20's and who's still got all the partying and women to get out of his system!lol.
It's def harder being a single mum than it is being a single dad,eh?lol

Has anyone else had ahem,well meaning firends trying to set you up with singel men?That drives me MAD!lol
A friend went to me-You'd love this guy,he's a firefighter and he loves petite blondes!Oh,and he's a blonde(eh?)
Well,I'm not into blonde men,I have my type,the complete opposite to myself(as I am very pale,bloned and blue eyed,I go more for well,the Lenny Kravitzes and Snoop Dogg's than the Rydian's,lol!).Right or wrong,that's what I'm attracted to,and I don't care if a man is the nicest guy in the world,if I don't fancy him I'm not going to go out with him!
Why is it that some people think that because you are not in a relationship,that you're desperate to be fixed up on dates?argh!lol

I think a relationship like that of your ex and his new squeeze, and independence that you value so highly, are mutually exclusive.
You've got a child, a lover, a business and freedom. Think yourself lucky.

i hate to be flippant tetti, but i cant resist

if you get fed up with your lenny kravitz alike, chuck him this way, there's a love.

Yeah,guess I'm lucky,but I can't help wanting more..(well,can't help wanting to see more of the toyboy,he's so darn gorgeous!lol)
Sometimes one just wants a bit more commitment,but maybe I just need to get another toyboy so that I can rotate them!hahaha

You want commitment but don't want to lose your independence? Sounds like you want some one else to give more than you want to give back.

No,not really.I know of people who are totallycommited but live apart,I just don't want to live with another man,you don't have to be in eachothers pockets to be committed(!).I certainly don't want someone to give me more than I am willing to give back,you got the wrong end of the stick there I'm afraid,totally:-)

Ok,let me clarify my view of independence,you don't have to live with someone,do their cooking,cleaning,washing,and being told what to do in order to be committed,see what I mean?
If you live apart,you can keep it all fresh,see eachother when you like,and keep your independence in the way that I mean,ie,I won't have someone trying to tell me how to raise my child,I can see friends,have family staying over without the other half grunting that he dislikes them,get my drift?
Some couples may still keep their independence whilst living together,but in my experience (14.5 years living w 2 men),and listening to my friends experiences,it's very rare!

Margaret Drabble married Michael Holroyd but they didn't live together for years. I think they did eventually though.

I knew two single mums who fell in love but didn't live together because of practical difficulties over housing benefit etc. Their relationship didn't last, and I think living apart had a lot to do with it.

tetti, i hope you're right. I've been single for 3 months after 7 years of marriage and although some of it is really hard i am enjoying my new-found independence, I hope that if/ when i meet someone else i can live apart from them even when commited to each other.

Yes,I am sure you can.Elastic woman is being a bit cynical I think,as living together has absolutely nothing to do with a relationship lasting,it has all to do with if you are suited and committed to one another.
I know of people with children who live apart from their new partners,and really,by doing it that way,you avoid the conflicts that are sometimes very much unavoidable what with step parent families and all.
Read a picec in First magazine I think it was quite recently,and this couple had lived like this for something like 20 odd years,and their relationship was as fresh as when they first met.The lady was a relationship councellor or something like that,so she must have gotten something very right there.My dad lives apart from his girlfriend(they both lost their other halves to terminal illness,and did not want to live with a new partner),and she has got her independence,so has he,but they are both totally committed to one another and a 100 percent faithful,so yes,it can be done:-)

How many love affairs last half a century or more if the lovers are not living together, Tetti?

i dont think i could live with someone permanently again

Haha,Elasticwoman,you won't take anyone else's opinion,won't you?Jesus man!
I bet you all the money int he world they actually last longer,had I not lived with the father of my child and had to put up w his moods,puffing,hours on the x box,endless breaking wind and belching,than hey,I still think we would'v been together at 80!lol
Living together kills the romance,totally,end of...
I am kind of realistic here I think, my mates all envy me as all their relationships bar none has gone pearshaped abut 3-4 years after moving in with their men.You take achother for granted.If you live apart,you still make an effort,and don't slouch around in your trackies,no make up and greasy hair on the sofa!lol

You didn't answer my question and I think we're both entitled to an opinion Tetti. if you can't stand to have your opinion challenged, what are you doing on a discussion board?

Having a long term relationship whilst living apart is not considered normal, so not many people give it a chance. Maybe as attitudes change more people will risk living apart and these relationships will prove to be stronger and happier.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking

Silly question Tetti...
Why have you let your bf of one month meet your child, especially given you see the relationship going nowhere

why shouldnt she? her child might not know he is a bf, might think he is just one of mummy's friends

also some people (as in my case) dont have people to send them to overnight or for weekends, so boyfriend introduction has to happen sooner rather than later

Imagine the reaction of people here if one of the posters said their ex DH/DP had introduced their child to someone they had known for just a month. I do not think the reaction would be favorable.

i dont think it's anyones business but the people involved tbh

Elenor,read my previous posts dear,god,you are off the old moral school!How old are you?.I could not give a toss what you think tbh.I am avery confident young woman,and I certainly don't need others approval!lol,oh dear..
A,he ain't my bf,and,I have known him for oh,about a year actually,.To my girl he is one of my friends,just like all my other male and female p l a t o n i c friends,you know,don't spout off before you actually know the facts,use your initiative,read my other posts and you would not be asking such a incredible ludicrious question!I shouldn't even respond to it,as it's so laughable!

Lou 33,you are so right,not all of us have the luxury to have babysitters,I don't.You always talk sense,wish others could share your brains!lol

its a case of living it i think, if you havent been in that situation then it can be hard to see another pov

tetti dear you sound scarily juvenile, pls put your child first

omg , lol have a word with yourself er

"Having a long term relationship whilst living apart is not considered normal, so not many people give it a chance"

I say whatever works for a couple is all that matters.

My mum and step-dad have been together for 20 plus years. The happiest couple I know. And for 10 of those years they lived apart. It may be rare but it is possible.

At the moment I like being on my own and think I'd find it very hard to live with someone ever again.

I certainly do get lonely sometimes but then it's a trade off...atm I like my independence too much!